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Yup.. keep notes. Every day. Do it as soon as you get home from work. Or if you need to, make your notes as soon as you get in your vehicle before heading for home. I worked with a guy who kept a journal in his locker, and he wrote in that journal every afternoon when we were all in wrapping up the day.

Emma is right in that we all have trouble recalling details. I kept daily notes for a few months once b/c I was sure that given the chance, my boss was going to claim I had not done the work assigned me. Thankfully I never needed those notes. But despite believing I remembered events, when I would go back in my notes to review or reference something, I would be surprised at how much I actually forgot so quickly.

-Michael

P.S. @ the "zip tie"

"P.S. Have fun tying the tie! They are hard to get used to, to get the lengths right. Give yourself plenty of time to repeat it until it's just right!" --Emma

Work on it well advance of the day you need it. When you get the knot and the length just right... loosen it, slip it over your head, then drape it over a hanger and hang it up. Then, the day you need it, just slip it back over your head, and snug the knot.

That works until you get good at it... or you find a woman (or man) who can tie your tie for ya... :lol:

I think another reason we are "under-reported" is that we're just not taken seriously. And that situation existed even before we come out. No matter how great the U.S. claims to be, or is believed to be, no matter how it preaches equality for all, females still are not as important.* Too many trans boys are considered nothing but tomboys.

Think about it... if a boy says he wants to be a girl, everyone (including women) will bend over backwards and jump thru their skin and several hoops and loops to convince him he doesn't want to be a girl. They will do all they can to convince him of that.

If a girl says she wants to be a boy, she's either told she's just being silly, or she's ignored, or she's patronized, or she's told all little girls want to be boys until they [reach a certain age], or boys are nasty. It's just not taken seriously. AND... when have you ever seen a trans boy/man post about his parents having tried to "beat the boy out" of him? Seems it's only trans girls that experience beatings at the hands of unapproving, unaccepting, homo-/transphobic parents.

Quite often, females are raised learning that anything they have to say is insignificant, of little importance. Their voice carries no weight. Some, after a while, learn to just say nothing.

*I read an article several years ago that indicated, even is the U.S., there are many more couples who decide not to have more children if their first born is male, as compared to couples who's first born is female. In more cases than not, if the first born is female, an attempt will be made to produce a son.

Well... it has been my experience that when these "claims" and accusations of inadequacy, ineptitude and attitude start coming out of the woodwork - suddenly, without warning, viciously and especially by more than one superior... they are trying to stack a case against an employee in an attempt to have good reason to fire the employee.

Now...maybe this isn't the case. Maybe they are just "acting out," incapable of processing your gender identity. *Bullying you because they can...initiating confrontations when no one else is around, and later can relate the encounter they way they want to. But it sure smacks of the kind of thing I've seen, and have had happen to me personally. Luckily and ironically, an incident occurred that gave me the upper hand, and threw them off their game and began a scramble on their parts to cover their @$$es, leaving me alone... and I kept my job.

*Sounds like bullying to me anytime you are not allowed to speak at any point during a meeting in which your performance is being addressed.

Ladies -

Kristila mentioned that a member "was feeling down," and that "one of the things was that men are sending her unwanted friend requests and messages on social sites." I realize [in this case] that the unwanted attention was on another site, but I want to remind all of you, that if you receive unwanted attention here on the forum... please let a moderator know - we can't do anything about a problem if we don't know about it.

Since this isn't a social network or site, we don't have to put up with that kind of activity. Unwanted contact, especially if the individual continues after s/he has been either ignored or asked to stop, is not tolerated.

-Mike

Strange how support never comes from where you expect it, and springs up from places you never would have imagined.

I don't mean to talk bad about your family, but I think your older sister is quite like many older sisters - they can be real b*#$%^s. That's why I was glad I never had one. Well, I do - a half-sister. But we did not grow up in the same household. And I'm glad. So, maybe it will just be her that will be a problem. If the rest of your family come around, her issue with you won't be so bad.

I wonder if she's just stalling or blowing you off though (on behalf of your mum) considering she said she didn't want you around her kids until your "changes are made and final." Maybe she too, will be okay with you once you are transitioned.

And yeah, like Emma said - you are Warren. Heck, even I cringe when I read your birth name. Not that it's a bad name. It's a fine name. For a girl. But I know how much I hate having to write my birth name. And to me...it just seems that all guys would be the same.

For all of ya's who wish you could hit the "Like This" button more than once... clik 'til yer heart's content if for no other reason than to just feel good....

:D

I would have dearly loved to see the other chef's face and body language when he found out that his little game was up. Kudos to Mike.

As for the woman in H.R.... human resources is not the place to play games. It's not her concern if you changing your name affects your b/f. And if she will do something like that to one person... what else would she be willing to do? Accidentally on purpose lose an employee's application for promotion because she doesn't like what brand of soda he drinks?

I knew an H.R. director who played games like that. You don't mess with peoples' lives and livleyhoods. Makes me think that being in such a position becomes a power trip...and these people think they are god.

Mike H. should discipline the chef that told you you couldn't have a name tag that reflected the name you preferred, and your employer should fire the H.R. twit.

-Michael

Plane, pilot, take-off and slingshot should NOT be all in the same sentence. No. I believe they woulda had to tie me down, or toss me out on the tarmac.

Glad you made it back home safe, and sure hope the today turned out better...

-Mike

"Also, I get my strongest inner woman feelings around guys. I virtually always feel like a girl amidst guys. I can't explain myself." -Jennifer

No need to try to explain. When I was working, I always felt more like myself, like a man, whenever I was dealing with a woman. More so than when I am alone. Some of them made it even easier, because they often made no attempt to look specifically for bio males if they needed help with something. If I was handy, they had me doing whatever grunt task they needed done. Sometimes, it actually felt like they made no distinction between me and the rest of the bio male workforce - I was just another one of the guys.

"I agree with you that it does seem at times that the transgender scale leans toward hormones and surgery...." -Emma

That scale isn't leaning -- there are those who are continually pushing on it, believing they can tilt the scales in their favour, dismissing those who don't or can't transition and thereby making themselves "legitimate" and labelling everyone else "pretenders."

-Michael

:lol:

I'm sorry, ladies.... I was trying to catch up on blog entries I've not read, and I ran up on this one. I couldn't help but laugh. Of course, that was after I sorta squinched a little after reading "waxed" and "arm pits" in the same sentence. All I could think of was that has GOT to hurt.

Then it got funny again.... all this over a little hair.

Okay. Sorry.

:::hangs head and leaves:::

Sorry...

I don't have any jewelry ideas... but I have a suggestion --- if you have a Hobby Lobby nearby somewhere, you might want to compare prices before you buy everything in Walmart. While Wally World does have a lot of things cheaper than in other stores, Hobby Lobby is a hobby store and so may stock many craft items cheaper. I used to do a lot of Native American bead work. I bought probably 98% of my supplies from Hobby Lobby. I don't do much bead work now, but for any project I dream up...I usually head to HL.*

It may also be worthwhile to check online for some items. I don't know anything about jewelry making...but if there is any item that you would use a lot of, you may be able to get that item in bulk, and it could turn out to be cheaper in the longer.

The less you have to spend, the better prices you can offer, the more you can make.

-Michael

*Yeah, HL is that great little company that apparently doesn't have a whole lotta love for those of us in the TGLB community. Unfortunately however, as a wanna-be-artist, HL is the only place in my area that has a good selection of art and craft materials at a decent price. :(

I have often thought, that if there just wasn't the crap on my chest, I could deal with this much, MUCH better.

I understand your frustration, your disgust, your anger. My own frustration, digust and anger has been increased over the past 7 to 10 years because I've unfortunately gained weight. And of course, we know what happens to the chest when ya gain weight. Then I sit here and think of the days when I was nice and muscular. My calves were hard as bricks and my shoulders and neck were all built up - and that was just due to my occupation. And then go get some to eat.

Yeah. They suck.

Very well written - no reason someone on the outside looking in couldn't understand these delineations. Goes to show that many who don't see it, or claim not to understand, don't because they choose not to.

"Upon requesting a change of nametag, I were told that the H.R. woman would have to ask my supervisor/head chef about it first."

Does H.R. always defer to supervisors on personnel matters? What is H.R. for if they cannot make such a call?

"...he denied my request. That until I get my name legally changed....he refuses to allow me to have my name tag changed. A non-binding piece of plastic...something that would make next to no difference in the world to anyone but me...but he said no."

This to me speaks LOUDLY to his close-minded attitude in my opinion, and possibly even his until now unrealiized bigotry. So now... does this mean that "Mike" and "Jen" and "Hank" and "Lucy" will be issued new name tags with their full, formal, given birthnames of "Michael," "Jennifer," "Henry" and "Lucille?" If not... why?

"...he has decided to start calling me Ren whilest at work, instead of my feminine name."

It will be interesting to see how this is met with your boss- will he demand that your b/f address you by the name on your name tag? Will he mandate that all nicknames are henceforth not allowed in the workplace?

"...eventually I'm going to legally have his Middle name in his honor". To which my older sister replied "Yeah because you'll never have his gender, no matter what you do." and she laughed about it."

I'm so glad I never had a [older] sister.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=70TGisBTPlE, dude.

-Mike

Congrats Emma. I am glad to hear that your first meeting went so well, and that the people involved are good people. Considering some have been in the group for so long, some of the people could end up being long time friends. Hopefully one day, your wife will decide to check out one of the meetings with you.

Do you think there will be any unwanted, or not-yet-ready-for ripple affects from the restaurant manager recognizing you and seeing you the group?

-Michael

I really don't think you have anything to be embarrassed about.

The friend that pointed out that it's all about her preference, comfort and desires is, in my opinion, speaking honestly, but her honesty was honed by what's accepted/not accepted by current society. She doesn't know any better.

I truly believe it all boils down to what people are programmed to believe and accept. We live in a world where, for the most part, only two sexes are recognized. Therefore, only two genders are recognized. And consequently, gender must match sex.

But if the binary theory were to stop being crammed down peoples' throats from the day they were born, and people accepted and recognized that any variation and combination of sexes and genders are possible and normal, when a person's gender discord or variance came to light, it would be looked upon as just another change in one's life that simply needs incorporating into any relationship, whether familial, intimate or social.

Hence, "no big deal."

P.S. Bashing not allowed.

Congrats, Karen.. WTG!!

LOL... I dunno how you can be so calm. I believe I'd try to do backflips out of the DMV after they handed me my corrected DL.

Truthfully, I've never understood this business of "reclaiming" something. It was never "ours" to begin with. In order to reclaim something, it had to have been yours from the start, then it was taken away. Instead, it (and all other slurs) belonged to the people who intended to hurt with such terms.

For all those who prefer to use derrogatory terms and slurs in an effort to take the air out of the sails of those who mean them in a hurtful way... more power to ya's. I really don't think the people who mean it in a hurtful way give a good flip about any group allegedly "reclaiming" a word. The people who don't like any person belonging to any particular group are going to continue to use those terms whenever they want or feel they can get away with it.

Personally, I don't believe any person belonging to any group should sink to using the very terms that others intend as demeaning, devaluing, discrediting and dehumanizing.

But that's just my opinion.

-Michael

Congrats, Karen.. :)

When I wrote that, I was most likely suffering a round of mild depression, and as is clearly indicated - self pity. I think today is the first time I've read it since it was first posted. Sorta surprised me how raw it sounds - I do not normally open that door. Sorta disappointing that I'm still stirring in that drink. Sorta sad that anyone else feels the same way.

We need to push away from the bar....

-Michael

Ya know, over time, my g/f has still remained my "pillar" of sorts. In fact, there have been a few times she has gotten on me because I've said or implied something that she felt was a little close-minded on my part concerning our community. Gotta love a woman who can keep ya in line.

:lol:

Yep...lemonade. He's a better man than I.

No one, but NO ONE, is gonna tell someone else they can drive MY vehicle. Nooooooooooooooooo. That would not have flown. I can't say here what I would have done with those lemons to the person who had the unmitigated gall to decide who would drive my truck.

Glad to hear there's been no cutting episodes... WTG

I've said it before, and I'll say it again... I do believe it is this board that has kept me from totally losing it at times.

;)

"So I caught myself talking to myself in the bathroom again the other day, and forced myself to stop. So now I'm gonna be all self-conscious about this and everything... curse you, Warren!! " --Sara

:lol: