JeffDad

Hi David, A lot of what I just typed in response to Emma would also apply to your comments but I wanted to comment on a couple of things. I do not believe gender is fluid anymore than I believe a cat can be a dog. Does transgender exist in any other living beings besides humans? Human beings have the ability to make choices based on how they feel and think vs other animals. Most animals are just about food, shelter, and procreation. Maybe it's just something in the mind. I am someone who believes in proof and facts. I have searched repeatedly for some kind of proof that transgender exists in DNA, biology, chemistry, blood, or anything else to no avail. It seems that transgender exists just because people say it exists. While most of you here have stated that you know you are transgender... what proof do you actually have even to yourself other than that's how you feel or how your brain works. How do you know that there isn't something in your head that just isn't working properly and making you believe you are a different gender? I am very serious with this question. I know that saying this might be a form of mental illness would be upsetting to many people, but let's not call it mental illness.. maybe it's just some other issue that hasn't be diagnosed and once diagnosed properly can be resolved.

Hi Emma, Thank you once again for your comments. As you can probably tell I am very angry, hurt and confused. I am also in mourning. I don't know if transgender people understand the mourning part of this situation. While many of you may feel that sense of relief or excitement (I don't know the proper words) when you come out, you may not realize the pain and suffering that you leave in your wake. You have previously mentioned the situation with your ex wife. It is great that you guys still have a good relationship but I find it hard to imagine that this was not an extremely painful situation for her. If I remember correctly, you have had these feelings of believing you are a female since you were young but yet you still got married to a woman who believed you were a man and had 2 kids with her. While I respect your decision to live your life as you want, I still find it hard to believe that your ex wife is as comfortable with the situation as you are saying she is. I feel like I am dealing with the death of a daughter..... which if she continues down this path, I will have lost a daughter. Your view may be that I have gained a son, but I do not see it that way. You stated that you are worried about my son. My son is 13 and is having his own issues with this family situation. The person you are referring to is my daughter. I believe she needs a lot more help to understand and deal with these feelings. I want my daughter back desperately.

Hi David, I am not even sure where to begin so I will just jump in and respond. You do not like my response to MomPride when she said that the day her child decided to come out and be a boy, and I said she immediately jumped on the trans train. That is what she did. I believe there are very very few families that upon hearing their child believes they are a different gender... they immediately go out and buy clothing and are happy that this occurred. This is without a doubt NOT a happy time. There are almost no parents that would feel this is a happy situation and immediately go out and buy clothing and have their child go by a different name the next day... and be happy about it. If you believe that there would be any more than a tiny tiny percentage of families that would be open and accepting of this from day 1.... then yes..... you really are delusional. This isn't about what people think of me. I am 50 years old, I am beyond worrying or being concerned about how the world thinks of me. I am looking out for the health and well being of my child. I do not believe this is healthy nor do I believe this will lead to happiness. Even the comments you have made in your post agree with me. You are 60 years old. You stated that you spent a good part of your junior high school years thinking about how you could painlessly commit suicide. You also stated your high school years were hell. You stated that you were a boy who didn't get asked to a Sadie Hawkins dance and this upset you. You stated you didn't get to do the things that boys do that basically involve girls. What did you think would happen??????????? Did you think that girls were actually going to ask another girl who believed they were a boy to the dance? Were you seriously surprised??????? You then stated that with each passing year you realized that society sucks. That you just wanted to live as a male and have a woman to love. You seem to be blaming society for the fact that most people do not wish to be involved in that type of relationship. Just because you believe you are male, feel that way, and wish to be seen that way does not mean a sicfemale sees you that way and wishes to be in that world. I understand that is what you want, but you need to understand that a large percentage of society may not care how you choose to live, but they almost certainly do not wish to be in that type of relationship. If you don't understand why, I really do feel sorry for you. You are blaming society for not accepting your choices to live differently than the majority of people and for not accepting you as if you were a natural born male. I am sorry that you were not born male... but the fact is you weren't. You stated that you lived most of your life in fear of people like me hating you. I do not hate you in the slightest.. nor do I dislike you. I believe that YOU believe your gender is male. I am sorry that you lived most of your life in fear.. really. That being said, while this is 2018 and people who believe they are trans are more accepted day by day... this does not mean sic hetero people (not sure if that's a term but I believe you know what I mean) wish do date or marry trans people. Your final line is that being trans is serious. I fully agree with you. You mentioned how you lived most of your life in fear and being miserable (my word), suicidal, alone and friendless. Those are your words... not mine. Your feelings and thoughts. What you are saying is what I have heard from almost every other trans person I have spoken with or blogged with or emailed with. Coming out as trans does not seem to lead to happiness for anyone I have encountered. They generally say they have no choice... this is who they are and wouldn't choose this if they had a choice. I do not want this world for my daughter. If I was hearing happy stories.... positive life stories, fulfilling relationship stories.. happy family stories.... or anything that could even be construed as positive I may think differently. All I hear is the misery, fear, loneliness and suicidal thoughts of people believing they are a different gender than they were born. I do not see the happy, positive outcome for my daughter if she continues to go down this path. I only see that same type of life that you have described as your own and I don't want that for my daughter.

MomPride... that's great that you feel the way you do and just jumped on the trans train the moment your child said they believed they were trans. It would be much easier for me if I could delude myself into believing this is a positive thing but I can't. I really am happy for you. You are very accepting of the situation and believe that this is good for your son. I believe this is a disaster in the making for my daughter. My wife says she has never seen our child be this happy being a boy. I believe this is a moment in time of happiness until the real world situations kick in. My daughter is 11. I do not see her fitting in with girls as they hit puberty and I do not see boys accepting her as a boy. While I will always be there to love and support my child, I see a life of misery and struggle ahead. I hope I am wrong...... sooooo wrong.... but I fear I will be right.

Wow. I am shocked and somewhat amazed by all of the positive comments and advice I am receiving here. I guess I expected to receive comments attacking my feelings and views and being told off honestly. I really am trying to help my child to grow up into a happy healthy individual. I am just having a very hard time believing that living as a different gender is going to be a positive experience. Where is my child going to find love? My child just turned 11. Over the next few years as kids start going to dances... who is she going to be with? Girls in my area (northern NJ) tend to be girly. Nails done by a manicurist, hair done, makeup, dresses etc. Boys tend to be boys. Where is my child going to fit in? Right now a number of kids are accepting of her, playing with her etc but this is pre puberty stuff. I fear that the day is coming when girls peel off into girl group stuff and boys do the same and my child is going to be alone. I may not have stated this previously but she does go to therapy with a therapist that has a practice with transgender kids. My child is going into middle school in September. She will be the only kid in the school (6th to 8th grade) that is known at this time to believe they are transgender. I feel this situation will be horrible. Most if not all of you here transitioned as an adult. You may have wished that you could've done this much earlier but I don't know if you realize what that really would've meant. You may have been living as a gender that you didn't believe conformed with what you were feeling but you were living having friends, dating and in many cases here.... even got married and had children. Maybe you don't realize that even cis kids have issues fitting in, worrying what group they will be accepted in, dating, etc. Most of us as kids had issues figuring out where we fit in, but in most cases we did fit in somewhere with some group. My daughter choosing to go down this path will be in a group of 1------ her. She is not a very social kid to begin with. I so want to be proven wrong about these things and my views of her future, but I really fear that I will be proven right.

To everyone that has commented on my post.... thank you. I am trying to get as much information as possible to help my child. She is very upset about starting to grow breasts. I got her KT tape and learned how to use it. My wife and her did the actual taping but I directed as I know the most about it. We are also going to get her a binder to see if she likes that in addition or instead. I am really trying to help my child and the pain is awful. Watching videos of a transgender man with a beard putting on trans tape having long sagging boobs is very disconcerting. It doesn't seem right at all. I see both of my daughter's friends in little dresses and hair and nails done and want that sooooo badly for my daughter. I do not want her to be in this world. Almost everyone who is transgender seems to have attempted suicide at least once or thinks about it very often. Some of you have even mentioned this in your posts. While I understand that you believe you are transgender, has this decision to live this way really made your lives better? If I am coming across as callous or unfeeling I don't mean to. I am asking serious questions.

Hi Everyone, I am the father of an 11 year old "transgender boy". My daughter decided a couple of months ago that she wants to be a boy. She had dealt with a lot of anxiety and depression for a number of years due to bullying in school. It got to the point that she didn't want to live and she went into a psych hospital for a couple of weeks and then an outpatient facility for almost 2 months. This was in January - February. Nothing about wanting to be a boy ever came up at all during or before this time. About a year ago she mentioned that she wanted to wear some boys clothing which she did for a couple of weeks before going back to girls clothing. We figured it was a tomboy situation. About 2 months ago she came up with the idea that she wants to get her hair cut to look like a boy as well as wear boys clothing. My wife allowed this. She told my wife she wants to be a boy. This decision is ripping my family apart. Her twin sister is very confused by this as would be expected. Her older brother by a few years does not accept this or her at all. He wants to have nothing to do with her. He is in therapy to learn how to deal with his feeling but the fact is...... I really don't disagree with how he feels. My wife and I are arguing constantly. My wife says she does not wish for our daughter to go down this path, but that she is happier and we should feel good that she is alive. To me that is setting the bar at the lowest possible level which means that anything my daughter wants, she should get. My wife believes that transgender exists while basically I do not. I believe my daughter is confused, has anxiety and depression and this is just her newest way to get attention. I believe she needs therapy to help her with her confusion. Everything I read about says there is no proof biologically, or chemically in the body that transgender brains or bodies are any different than hetero normal (I don't really know the proper term) people. Up until June 18 2018, even the WHO (World Health Organization) considered transgenderism a mental disease. They only removed transgender from that list because it was causing a stigma for people who thought they were transgender... not that they believe transgender isn't a mental illness. This situation is destroying my family. We are fighting almost constantly (we all see therapists due to this) but I don't see how we are ever going to agree. My wife wants to look into puberty blockers. I say absolutely not as everything I read says there isn't enough research / data to know they are 100% safe. I keep reading about people that thought they were transgender with some even having the surgeries and living as the opposite gender for some amount of time before getting the therapy they needed. Then they realized they were never transgender to begin with and transitioned back. I don't see how my wife and I are ever going to agree about this. Both of us can find many stories, doctors and studies to back up our beliefs so I don't see how we can come to any kind of agreement. We both love our daughter and want her to be healthy and happy but we completely disagree on how to help her. This entire situation is excruciatingly painful. I want my daughter back but I don't know what to do. Every fiber of my being wants to tell her to cut this shit out. I want to tell her she is not a boy and that this experiment is over. Girl haircuts and clothing are the only choices and that if this is what she wants to choose when she is 18, then I can't stop her. I don't say this because everyone is telling me this could damage her. In my opinion by not telling her this, I am allowing her to be damaged by this decision. I believe she is setting herself to be alone with no friends as girls hitting puberty will want to be with other girls getting their makeup and hair done and going shopping for clothing while boys will never accept her as one of them. I see her having a miserable life going forward and I don't know what to do.