"... a common theme in self acceptance therapies seems to be to allow people into your inner circle to achieve happiness and piece of mind."

This struck me as so true and honestly, I'm a believer. Another way of saying it is that being vulnerable - which means allowing people to see our selves in a less-guarded way - spawns happiness and peace of mind. If you're interested in learning more I recommend Brene Brown's books - pretty much any of them. 

You see, I believe that being true to ourselves means that we're being true to those outside of ourselves. For trans and others in the LGBTQ space, this can be tough. We've learned that it's risky (emotionally at least) to allow others to have an awareness of our authentic selves. For me this led to decades of hiding, shame, and fear, ultimately leading to serious depression and suicide attempts. Why? Because when we're in hiding it's as if we are living a lie, always aware of what others might think or know about our secret. 

Alternatively we can come out to successive layers of people (spouse/partner, family, etc.) ultimately leading to colleagues and the public. Is it risky? Yes. Is it scary? Definitely. I lost several friends, and that still hurts. But there is a relief I feel that I know well that I could never have achieved. I am still open to hurt but we all know that's life. And it's not all bad. It's good to have feelings, it makes us real people too, perhaps closer in alignment with our true gender. 

I don't mean to turn this discussion to me but I must add that yesterday I was a guest speaker at a local elementary school. I talked to nine different classes of 2nd, 3rd, 4th, and 5th grades. Exhausting! In the last class a 5th grade girl blurted out: "Do you wear dresses?" I was wearing aubergine cords and a flowery top. I was startled by her question. I didn't mind talking about my being trans - that happened a little bit in other classes. But her question sounded a bit mocking, judgmental. I answered, "Yes, occasionally. I wear whatever any woman wears." I said it calmly without any attitude or tone. She seemed satisfied, perhaps because her comment didn't seem to ruffle my feathers. 

Later, I thought I could have said, "Do you?" to her question about wearing dresses. But that would have been more confrontational and, perhaps, played into her behavior of picking verbal combats. So I'm glad I didn't.

This morning I still remember what she said. It's as if she, in that little exchange, cut me to the core. Am I valid? Am I weird? I don't like those feelings as I'm sure you understand. But, you know, I am using my feelings as an opportunity to take an inventory of me as a woman of transgender experience. It's who I am regardless of whatever anyone says, does, or thinks. Sometimes it feels like a big burden and it is. We all have our burdens, cis, trans, blacks, left-handers,... We're no different, better, or worse than anyone else.  

Dear Jessica and Emma,

Agree with both of your definitions of "inner circle of friends."

One of my greatest disappointments was when I was accused by the Lesbian community of being a bisexual (I am not), when I was the only Lesbian volunteering for the Tampa Bay LGBT Hotline (mostly Gay men).

Another great disappointment was when I came out to my family, and they rejected me, and I am still estranged from them.

Have redefined "close friend" and "inner circle" to include GROUPS of friends, such as a Bible Study, a women's support group or a drumming circle, as well as my TGGuide friends.

As I age, (I am 60), my definition of the above seems to change. If I find myself in a minor crisis in between meetings, I call a warm line, which happens about once every three months.

Every so often, we have to reevaluate our definitions.

Your friend,

Monica

You are all correct.  I'm learning!❤️

Have just began going over my earliest blogs to see where I've been and compare it to where I am.  I found this blog interesting; it no longer applies.  Notably, I did take Christy's advice and have broken out from my "inner circle" since I posted this almost a year ago.  Thank you Christy, Monica and Emma.

"Inner Circle"

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Entry posted by Jessicatoyou · October 9, 2018

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On 10/9/2018 at 4:44 PM, Christy said:

Yes. Freedom. That is the greatest gift, the freedom to be me. All the flaws, warts and beauty that I possess I show to the world without fear. This intern brings more people into my inner circle and that vulnerably allows them to invite me into theirs. Thus, we have the circle ⭕️ of life’s meaning. Life is about the people, the rest is just stuff. In order to be truly free you have to be able to let go of everything you love. Not to throw it away just be okay if it’s not there. So I would encourage you to open your heart because you deserve too. 😊 but hey I’m a big scaredy-cats sometimes too🙄