Some years ago, before I met my wife, I was homeless. I spent 3 years on the street with nowhere to go. I lived in an old abandoned feed mill. My egg donor and female DNA match only lived a few blocks from me, but neither would take me in. During that time I was alone. Virtually. Where I was staying there was an old pile of sawdust and grain. It was about 6 feet high and probably about 12 feet wide. There was a colony of rats living in it. I would say close to 100 there. I knew that they would tear me up if I tried to dominate them, but I also knew they would do the same if I submitted to them too much. The patriarch of the colony defended his colony fiercely at first. I never attacked, but I didn't back down either. Eventually we grew to trust each other. After that we became friends. I named him Star, because he was black with a white star on his belly. Over time I gained the confidence of the whole colony. My home at the time was a sleeping bag and a duffle bag that had clothes in it for a pillow. I would often wake up with rats sleeping either on top of me, or even in the sleeping bag with me. There was once I woke up to a female giving birth on my sleeping bag.

While I was living there it was hard to find food at first. Normally I would end up stealing what I could from grocery stores. Not a good idea, I know, but when you're starving you don't have many options. Then I got to thinking. When I was 16 I worked at Pizza Hut. I remembered that at the end of the night, we always threw a ton of pizza in the trash. Stuff that people who dined in didn't finish, or pizza that just never got picked up. So I started dumpster diving there. It was a gold mine. I never had to steal food again. A lot of it was water logged due to throwing cups of ice and stuff in the trash. I always passed on that. But the dry stuff I took with me. I got burnt out on pizza REAL quick, but hey I had to eat. It also gave the rats a better meal too. Granted rats are scavengers, and will even resort to cannibalism if they have to, but we had some good meals together. Water was never hard to come by. Every building has an outdoor water spigot, and a couple 2 liter bottles kept me hydrated. Granted I wouldn't have minded a soda once in a while, but that just wasn't in the cards at the time. So I found a steady supply of food and water.

Over the years my spirits got lower and lower. I had less and less will to go on. Star was always there to keep me going, but he didn't have magical powers to make everything ok. He always followed me around like a puppy. When I would leave the mill, I would either put him on my shoulder and take him with me, or he would sit there at the door waiting for me looking so sad that I was gone. And when I got back he would go absolutely nuts. He was so sweet. But one day, I decided that I was done. I couldn't live like that anymore. I decided it was time to die. So I climbed up the stairs to the top floor which was about 5 stories up. There was an old window there that was busted out. I looked out of it and decided that a head first dive would do the trick. I started to climb up into the window when I felt this small tug on my pants leg. I turned around thinking I was caught on something. I was caught sure enough, but not how I was thinking. It was Star. He had followed me up the stairs. I tried to move him away so he didn't go with me. I started climbing up again, and again I felt that tug. He had me again. Somehow he knew what I was going to do, and he was determined to stop me. His heart was bigger than any I had ever encountered. He was the first one that loved me unconditionally. He fought me to stop me from killing myself. I couldn't believe it. A wild rat loved me that much. I sat down with him and he climbed up on my shoulder. I started crying. If he loved me that much, there was no way I could do that to him. From then on everywhere I went, he went. Not just because I wanted him with me, but because he wouldn't let me out of his sight. Even if I just stepped around the door to pee, he was right there with me.

I'm crying right now as I'm writing this.

If it wasn't for Star I wouldn't be here right now. To this day, no breathing creature holds as much of a place in my heart as a rat. I have 4 little guys here with me. I have an emotional need for them. It's all in thanks to Star. I wish rats lived longer or were immortal so I could have him here with me. But unfortunately he's gone. And I'm the only one that even knew he existed. Maybe, if I'm lucky enough, I'll see him again. On the other side. I just hope he's patient, because while I'm eager to see him again, I'm not eager enough to go for a permanent visit.