Jump to content
Transgender Message Forum
  • entries
    58
  • comments
    260
  • views
    17,023

Fathers Day


ScottishDeeDee

1,251 views

Tomorrow will be fathers day. Given the mess of my marriage it is safe to say that my experiences of fathers day have been sporadic at best, the odd wee card or slice of toast brought to the bedroom. Always an after thought or last minute purchase. Once or twice a decent bottle of whisky, but overall meh - usually we had to go and share with my exes dad, until he fell out of favour. This year we swapped the weekends around so that the kids could be  with me for Fathers day - it meant my ex could go off to a music festival so it wasn't completely altruistic on her part, but I think I got the better deal.  She left a £10 in an envelope with a card my daughter made at her after school club with a note saying time had run out and she hadn't had time for her to buy anything. My son never got a mention and she had them the last 2 weekends. For comparison on Mothers day I made sure the kids had bought a card and some butter fudge which is one of her favourite sweets and then bought and cooked a 2 course meal at her house with the kids for her.

 

It is not about the stuff (genuinely couldn't care less) but every so often I am reminded of just how far down the priority list I am unless she needs something and it still stings..

So I bought a Terrys Chocolate Orange and some nice ingredients and we are going to have a big Roast Dinner tomorrow complete with GF yorkies and gravy, and then we are going to go for a family walk along one of the local beaches with the dog that I seem to get almost every time my daughter comes because my ex struggles to ditch all 3 dogs when she goes off on her weekends.

 

I have been struggling with what to think about Fathers Day.  It seems a bit daft celebrating it when I am effectively waiting for my October appointment (which got pushed back a week to the 2nd week in October by sms this week- yay! 💩) you know, considering I do not now and nor have I ever felt like a good father. I have been told I am by a load of people but it has always rang empty, not humility, just - not true.  Why do we separate them out and not just have a happy parent day? Every time one or the other comes around there are single parents (a couple of my sisters included) and grandparents raising children that stand up and say "I do this job too" so why do we have to make it such hallmark, card giving gender thing?

 

I don't know if I'm peed off at the day itself or because I will feel like a fraud when my daughter gives me the card she made for her dad. :( :(

5 Comments


Recommended Comments

Hey Dee,
It does hurt to be forgotten or an after-thought, and as we are trans it hurts all the more because we may take some responsibility for our own pain. The thing is that it’s wrong on so many levels when we are forgotten. I hope you had a wonderful Father's Day.

For me, I have two sons, 35 and 31 years old. The 35 year old didn't even send an email.  The 31 year old phoned to wish me a nice day and then proceeded to try to manipulate me into giving him money. Both of their behaviors are unrelated to my being trans or having transitioned, and both still call me Dad and that's fine with me. 

It's tough being a parent... and trans...

Emma

  • Like 1
  • Thanks 1
Link to comment

Emma, in the end I just made the most of the time without stressing about it. Family relations can be tough at the best of times, but this is one of those days where it adds an extra blob of trans awkwardness (for me) on top.. 💛

  • Like 1
  • Thanks 1
Link to comment
Guest
Add a comment...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...