When you're transitioning, DON'T ALLOW Anyone to hide you!!
Rather by accident, I came across a situation which I felt I had to quickly address. I have been out exclusively authentic 100% for several months now and have been expending a considerable effort to educate my sister (age 68) . brother (60), and elderly parents (89) on my transition. I am very comfortable with it and I want them to have the opportunity to be comfortable too. Over the last 45 years we have had very little contact. We talked over the phone occasionally (maybe 25 times over 45 years?) but I now understand that my dysphoria was a significant factor. The rest of them were always doing family stuff together, but I always excluded myself and my own family from participation, not attending weddings, graduations, and other gatherings typical of extended families. I grew apart from the cousins, aunts, and uncles, I grew up with into my late teens.
So, fast forward to now? I recently bought a house an hour and a half away from where my parents and sister live in retirement. I came out to everyone right after, about 3 months ago, and have been also sharing in the care of my parents with my sister while simultaneously educating them. My parents were initially fearful of what others would think but through continuous but short, heart to heart conversations, they have finally overcome that.
I was blindsided yesterday by my sister... here's how. An Aunt passed away last week and the funeral is only 2 hours from me. I also have cousins that live within 2 hours of me and I had no idea. I offered to attend with my sister and brother-n-law, not thinking at first that no one else in the family knows me as Jessica yet, then backtracked. But...I told my sister it would be a good opportunity when anyone asks how I was doing to answer "she's doing great" , give them my phone number if they want to say hello, and I'll take it from there..
Well, when she got back Tuesday night I asked her how everything went. She was evasive in answering me but I pushed it and it turns out she didn't want to bring it up because "she wasn't sure my parents would be okay with everyone in the family knowing!##%%!!!!???? Furthermore she confessed she has told some of my relatives but "swore them to secrecy". I suddenly realized that while I thought she was an advocate she needed to understand much more. So I explained to her she cannot make those decisions on my behalf! I understood that she does not yet understand, but I will teach her to if she wants to learn. (I told her that the first day I came out.) I made it clear that ….. I WILL NOT BE HIDDEN!!!!! If anyone wishes to hide from me, that's an issue they have to deal with, and that's okay with me! But I will never be hidden!!!!
So today, (actually yesterday as I write this) I went to the Villages and had dinner with my parents, my sister and brother-in-law, my brother and sister-in-law, and after a productive group conversation I'm pretty confident.... now..... they are all on the same page as me. We'll see!
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