Dear Jessica,

Not transgender, but  a cisgender Lesbian, yet I know what it means to be hidden.

Called my oldest brother, after years of no contact, and his son in law picked up the phone, and when I said I was his sister, he was amazed, as he was told he had no sisters! Interestingly, his wife and step daughter kept his wife's ex-husband's name, instead of taking his name!

Have no contact with the rest of my relatives (cousins, aunts and uncles), but I consider my T/LGB friends my family!

Sadly, my T/LGB cousins live on the other coast (Portland, OR), with no contact. Also, I have a bisexual (really Gay) brother in a miserable marriage, for fear of the treatment I and his T/LGB cousins received.

A few years ago, I went to a family reunion, and saw how my family treated a second cousin's wife, who is an American Black, and her children, who are racially mixed, and the husband of another second cousin, who is a motorcycle club (not gang) member.

They are not my family, you (T/LGBs) are my family! 

Your sister,

Monica

Hello Jessica - You are so courageous.  There are several of my family members who do not know I am Transgender.  I actually have fear of hurting them and I do love them - this is my tight rope.  Most of my family who really count, do know I am transgender and most of the time I openly dress in unisex women's sportswear and undergarments, even when in unisex/boy mode.  If someone sees me for the first time and does not know me, no matter what I wear, they almost always code me as female. (Calling me Mam, Lady, Babe) I am comfortable with this but TELLING/ANNOUNCING to everyone that I am a woman in a mans body and that I like living as a woman - this has been something I currently could not do.  So as I said I respect your ability to be totally honest in this respect.  Love and friendship to you - Dawn

Hi Dawn,  Love and friendship to you, also!😘  I once perceived myself as having a fear of hurting those close to me.  That changed abruptly with the passing of my wife, my best friend of 35 years.  She was aware of my feminine side but never to the extent how dominant it actually was and when the time came for me to begin my transition, she became terminally ill, and never did.   Now I wish I never waited; I no longer believe it saved her from hurt; but rather prevented her from seeing and participating in my true happiness and peace.  Don't misunderstand me, I'm sure it would have made things difficult in our relationship, but I also feel now it would have made us even stronger.  When my wife passed I came to the realization life was too short to not live it with total honesty, not just for myself but especially towards everyone else around me. 🙋‍♀️

9 minutes ago, Jessicatoyou said:

I once perceived myself as having a fear of hurting those close to me. 

That fear is a strong one alright! I worry most about my children, who will soon become teenagers and have to deal with social bullying and peer pressure at school (more than they already do) but also the fact that I am my mum's safe conduit to my sisters as I can currently handle her mental health issues a lot better than they can, and while she is trying (with a lot of subtle help) to get over her prejudice I fear what will happen to our relationship when I eventually tell her. 

I also fear that the world will not accept me as female when so many have known me for so long as male. Certainly at the moment when I am still presenting male 99% of the time so the old - if it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck logic is stronger than my hopes that I could turn into a swan... I experienced enough bullying as a kid to know I do not want to experience the inevitable experiences again as an adult  

13 minutes ago, Jessicatoyou said:

I came to the realization life was too short to not live it with total honesty, not just for myself but especially towards everyone else around me. 🙋‍♀️

While I have not experienced your kind of loss Jess I understand the sentiment 🤗 - that honesty is what drives me forward when all I want to do most days is forget I ever started questioning and try and go back to how life was before I started asking myself some serious questions.

Jessicatoyou and ScottishDeeDee,

Thanks for your comments.  I am getting a lot out of your call to honesty.

For me, my wife has been really strict in our boundaries - she has to also feel good in her skin and has often told me I rival her.  She is actually quite supportive of the physical changes I have made so far as she has helped me select unisex/women's outfits and undergarments.  Funny - she often helps me wear the right bras - making sure that I do not have my straps showing.  Anyway, I do love her dearly and this love is stronger than my need to fully transition now or anytime soon. 

Also for me there are my children and grandchildren to have concerns for.  Being transgender actually runs in my family as one of my cousins recently transitioned from FtoM.  I am very supportive of him.  For the most part I do not lose sleep over not fully being a woman. 

Had I known what I know now I would have transitioned as a youth.  Of course my Dad would have tried to stop me I am quite sure - but I never figured out this need or even the possibility of a change when I was younger.  This is where in my life it would have made this most sense for me to transition.  Also knowing I could never function fully as a woman, with ovaries, able to have my own children, has kept me from pushing further with a change.  I know the science on this is moving forward but is not there yet.

Because am inter-sexed in my body.  Writing about this in my blog.  Over half of my physical attributes fit a woman's body build. So I am able to pass most of the time and actually feel fulfilled when people hold the door for me or call me mam.

This is where I am - I do not go out of my way - but now it seems more natural for me to go out completely in women's (Leaning Unisex) clothing and physically looking and feeling female.

Is late here - thanks for starting this blog item - Dawn