Sexual Orientation and Relationships with Cis-women and Cis-Men
Entry posted by Jessicatoyou
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I have been on HRT now since April, and have simultaneously no longer presented male since one month prior to that. Since I started, some insight into my own thought process is developing when it comes to sexual orientation. This is only me, and may or may not be others' experience. I was always heterosexual as a male, and with that I have never had a relationship with a male, nor was ever curious. I fully expected to continue being attracted to woman right through and after post-op. I moved to a new community at the same time I shed my assigned at birth male presentation and have assimilated very well into my new (and old) community. I am very active and visible publicly. I interact and socialize with , very few transgender friends at different stages of their transition, one or two lesbian friends that I'm aware of, but mostly cis men and women which is probably representative of the general population. It's important to understand, the general population is indeed predominantly cis. (my assumption). I've become very good friends with a group of women and many others, individually, my age. We meet up to dance, talk, and share our lives etc., and in general do many things together. As we spend more time together, I've sensed that some may be attracted to me and I to some of them. But that is a very slippery slope that I did not previously consider. I have to be careful not to respond to women as I learned to all my life, but understand that most women are still cis and not sexually attracted to women nor transwomen, for that matter..
I suppose that I can no longer realistically think of cis women amorously as I have been accustomed to my entire life. Even while I am pre-op, lesbian women, unless they are generally bi, would probably not result in a mutually positive sexual relationship, at least until I become post-op.
Pre-op, I experience a strong attraction to FTM, but not so much MTF. I did have one intimate encounter with a non-binary FTM, with whom I am still friendly. "They" (the correct pronoun) identify as bi-sexual, has had top surgery, but no plans for bottom surgery. That was in fact very enjoyable, I did not expect it, and was very nervous at first, but fortunately my partner was prepared for safety. Even though I have not needed since, I am now always prepared for safe sex!
I guess additionally, that attraction is not set in stone either, as I experienced a rather distinct “flutter in my heart” upon meeting a MTF server last weekend at an exclusive restaurant in Saratoga. She was presenting somewhat female with largely androgynous overtones, and obviously on HRT. But she was far too young, early 20’s, for me to think seriously any further about her, sexually.
In any event, I’ll need to stay closely and realistically in touch with both my mind and my body during and after my transition, and keep an open mind without making judgements based upon my experience having lived most of my life as the wrong gender.
This chapter is still very much open. I know I have much more to think and learn about this, now. But I'm beginning to understand also now, we're simply talking about body parts?
Always, Jessica 😉
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