Dee,

I certainly understand your feelings. It was so so scary on many levels when I started my transition. There were so many steps, many fears to confront. 

I was fortunate that my wife gave me the support she did even while divorcing me. Also, my ability to move to another locale. 

I don’t mean to add pressure on you but the thing that consistently propelled me forward was this: We never know how long we have on this earth. Something happens and maybe we wake up in a hospital incapacitated or dying. I could no longer bear the thought of the regrets and disappointment in myself if I had allowed my fears to stand in the way of my living authentically. 

I must also add that at the start of my transition I had no idea how far I’d need to go. All I really knew was that I am trans. 

But even that self-awareness isn’t perfect. Even now, once in awhile, I ask myself if I did the right thing. Thankfully, I always answer unequivocally yes. 

Best wishes,

Emma
 

Dear Dee,

Am going to say something that might not be popular.

You say that your mother, or other family members imply that you may be mentally ill. This is often a favorite control mechanism for sociopaths.

May be right, or I may be wrong. Please research sociopathy:

https://www.LoveFraud.com

Over 10 percent of the world's population is sociopathic.

Your mother and other loved ones have a right not to approve of transgender people, but not to accuse them of mental illness.

You may never gain the approval of your family. Yet, over time they may come to accept you as a transgender person.

Perhaps, as you explore if you are really transgender or not, you may have to put some distance between yourself and your family.

Many of us here at TGGuide did reconcile with their family, but there are many others who have had to accept that they have had to build families of choice.

Your friend,

Monica

Thank you both, but perhaps my rambling wasn't quite clear. My family (sisters) have all been supportive initially, the eldest two especially, but my mum took my dads death in 1998 incredibly hard and went into a serious depression and cycle of self harm and suicide attempts lasting almost a decade, during that period she was diagnosed with fybromyalgia and was also given a diagnosis of borderline personality disorder some of which stems from events in her youth.

Intentional or otherwise she hates not being the centre of attention, she creates drama of often makes up lies that one or the other has allegedly told one of the others so she can play the part of confidante. Yet she really does love us and tries in her own way to be here for us. I am the one person in the family least impacted by her jealousy, but that is because I have the privilege of being "her only boy", in looks I remind her of her husband, something she is constantly reminding me. However it does mean that I can be more honest with her than my sisters, as she cannot bear it when we are not talking. Except for this.

It is a 50/50 split how she will react, and I may not have her support moving forwards but her history as a result of trauma she never emotionally dealt with worries me that I may be more like her than even she could understand. So it is something I must deal with. Thank you for your concern though. 😊

Dear Dee,

Still stand by my advice that you need to learn all you can about sociopathy. Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is considered a sociopathic personality disorder. Yes, your mother may have had a bad childhood, but many people survive abusive childhoods without becoming sociopaths.

This is not about hating your mother or seeing her as a "bad guy," but about protecting yourself from her personality disorder, which can be very destructive to everyone around her.

Hope this clarifies my position.

Yours truly,

Monica