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Another interesting dream

ScottishDeeDee

Entry posted by ScottishDeeDee

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My dream self seems to have more fun than I do!

 

I have spent all day considering whether it was worth sharing or not, but as I am trying to journal my whole experience any dream that deals with transgender as an issue in any form is worth writing about.

 

This was a pretty positive dream though, I woke up feeling flushed and decidedly positive - a feeling which has stayed with me all day.

 

In my dream I had gone to a retreat that also offered some sort of therapy session with the intention of working through how to come out to my work.There was another woman also on retreat and a man that for some reason I "clocked" as a trans man. He was also seeing the therapist so perhaps that was what gave it away, but he was about my height and build, so roughly 5"7 and stocky without being jacked, or overly chunky, he had a 5 o clock shadow, reasonbly short hair and for some reason I cannot understand was from the Netherlands.

 

I have to clarify that I was on the retreat in man mode but the therapist in my session straight after his, picked up that there was some tension between us while we had been eating and asked if I was attracted to him, while I admitted I was I moaned the fact that I was not appearing as me - she asked me why I was attracted to him when I had only ever had female partners and I simply replied that he gets what it means to be trans. I woke up shortly after being persuaded to introduce myself properly to him as DeeDee and just see how we both felt.

 

Not a raunchy dream, although I woke up still in that buzz feeling; but I think while I shelved my sexuality as soon as I started questioning my gender as I just assumed that it will sort itself out it was incredibly validating to get those interested vibes from someone.

 

If I choose to I could tear apart the dream, but it was just a small oasis of happiness, in a fortnight or so of uncertainty and drama!

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MonicaPz

Dear Dee,

On occasion, a MTF transgender person who was attracted to females as a man, is attracted to men after they have transitioned.

By the way, this is not homosexuality, as your sexual orientation is determined by your true gender (the gender you identify as) and the gender of the other person.

Ultimately, this question is resolved after you have transitioned.

As you progress in your transition, you will have more and more dreams as a woman, and fewer and fewer as a man.

Your friend,

Monica

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Jessicatoyou

Hi Dee!

This is a very interesting observation, even though it came to you in dream form, and I expect you will have more. Embrace every one of them! 

Being "heterosexual" all my life, I think often about the future and am well in tune (I hope) with my changing body and thoughts about physical intimacy.  I thought I was certain that I would always remain attracted to female post surgery.  I'm not so sure, today. Some men, although very, very few, I encounter, trigger that "what if??" sensation in my mind, and in my heart.  And it is an awesome thought, too. I still, lean towards woman preferably, at this stage, but the point is I don't have a clue where I'll end up post surgery.  One thing for sure, I have no doubt it will be awesome!!! 

I also have had thoughts that I would be limited to only "those that gets what it means to be trans!".  My therapist made a statement to me: "it's just body parts".  That made me really think, and I guess it is now gonna boil down to the "person" that I become attracted to, not the sex.  May ultimately be male, or female, or MTF or FTM, or non-binary, who knows?? It should be someone that we both can grow further with each other.

I am now free, and becoming more so every moment.  

Jessica

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ScottishDeeDee

Hi Jess, as soon as I started questioning my gender I put my non existant romantic interests to the side, as I realised if I did not see myself as a cis male, it was pointless holding onto the idea of being heterosexual until I figured out my place.  It'll all come out in the wash eventually. ;)  It was just really nice to wake up with that warm fuzzy feeling of being wanted. I haven't had that in a very, very long time. 

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