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Emily

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Non-binary option


Emilyruns

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Just an update on how things are going, it's been so long since I've been online here! I've been working through that book by Dara Hofmann-Fox, and it's been super helpful. It's gotten me to start exploring non-binary options, which may be a good place for me to be on the gender spectrum. I've been going out dressed as me a bit. Went to a coffee shop for the first time ever to meet up with a trans friend, and we both brought our spouses. It felt so good to be myself in public! But pretty nerve wrecking. It was wonderful to finally meet another trans person in real life. We had a good time chatting about our own issues and everything else. A few weeks later we went out to dinner in the same style. Funny thing is that both times I did not feel like wearing my breast forms, so I went without. To me that's an indication that maybe I'm not on the far female side of the spectrum. In the mean time though, I have nothing male left in my wardrobe, all my clothes were purchased in the women's section, but still it allows for a look that's not super feminine. I'm liking it, somewhere in the middle.

Right now I have some house guests for a few weeks, with their kids. And although they are super supportive, I still have less chance of expression like I usually do. It's forcing me to take a break though, which is not bad in itself because now I'm taking a step back and I can do a little observation and reflection. It's taken me to the point to try and stop taking estrogen, but stay on the testosterone blocker. My doc was supportive of this, as I'm exploring non-binary stuff. I'm only two weeks in, and I can't say that I feel any different. Unfortunately just after I stopped taking the pills I got rather sick (not-covid, just a stomach bug), so I still don't know if there were any changes in my mood in the beginning.

I really wonder how this will develop in the future. My journey started in 2019, and I was on the female side of the spectrum for a good year and a half, before things started to change somewhat and I started shifting more to the middle. Wonder where I'll be a year from now. The journey continues.

Otherwise there's nothing really new. The new house is still keeping us busy every minute, and if it doesn't then the kids keep us occupied.

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Sounds like you are doing some good exploratory work Emily!  I worked my way through that book too and found it very affirming.

I struggled a little in the beginning with prosthetics too, while I desire the effect I did not want to swap wearing one costume out in public for another. Same went for the fact that I wear a wig.  In the end I settled on bra "fillets" as a compromise that did not make me feel ridiculous but would, with a padded bra give me pretty much the right effect without feeling self conscious.

The wig is something I see as a cross between a fashion accessory, and a safety item. I blend better wearing it and unlike those with natural hair I can pick and choose my length and style based on my mood. Plenty of cis women need them too.

Ultimately the goal should not be to confirm if you are trans or otherwise, it is to find that place where you feel most natural and comfortable as yourself.

The fact that you can do that with a supportive spouse and friends makes a huge difference.

🧡☺️

 

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7 hours ago, ScottishDeeDee said:

Ultimately the goal should not be to confirm if you are trans or otherwise, it is to find that place where you feel most natural and comfortable as yourself.

My first reaction is that DeeDee is absolutely correct. For me, though, it was very important for me to first determine that I am trans. Then, where I am on the gender spectrum. And then, where I need to be on the Benjamin Scale to feel most natural and comfortable as myself. 

It takes an open mind and a childlike approach to explore, experiment, and learn. 

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On 9/23/2021 at 8:33 PM, Emma said:

It takes an open mind and a childlike approach to explore, experiment, and learn. 

I figured out early on in  I was without a doubt NOT cis-gender;  but not able to make it my priority to learn, explore, or experiment.  While I was not sure of  my own gender, I was pretty certain that my sexual orientation was that of a heterosexual male.  Therefore, when I transitioned,  I fully expected to identify as female in gender and lesbian in orientation.. During my transition, my thinking evolved into that of embracing the masculine aspects of my identity and merging them with female aspects of my identity.  That suited me just fine, but after my GRS and becoming very involved and active in a predominately cisgender community, I began to explore the possibility that my own sexual orientation could also have been defined somewhat by the societal expectations placed upon me in my early developmental years. In other words, as I was taught to assume a male role, was I similarly taught to shun sexual attraction to masculinity. Throughout my life, if I were to walk into a room with 100 people, I would notice the women and not the men.  I purposely began to take a childlike approach with an open mind and explore and learn!  I recently explored my  sexuality with a rather "masculine" male and have to admit I enjoyed it.  AS did he !!  I now notice the men pretty distinctly equally with the women.  Am I female, male, non-binary, hetero, gay, bi?  I don't want to get limited by labels, but for sure am keeping an open mind and the world is really opening up to me, now, much more than I had ever expected or planned.  

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Dear Jessica,

It takes *time* to identify sexual orientation.

Sadly, I became disoriented when I identified as "Lesbian," and found that many, if not most, of the Lesbian community despised me, especially when they tried to tell me who I can like and be with (even as friends).

Explored being a man for 2 years and realized that I am not transgender.

When I had a radical hysterectomy, and my sex drive slowly melted away, I first was a romantic asexual and then moved into a nonromantic asexual.

Agree with you that sexual orientation is fluid, as well as identity. An example of an identity transition for me would be that not so many years ago, I identified as a human rights/civic activist. Now I identify as an artist.

See who is drawn to you and which friendships evolve into romantic relationships. No longer do I believe in "friendship first," as friendship and romantic love are as different as apples and oranges.

Feel free to ask me any questions you may have on this.

Yours in Sisterhood,

Monica

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