Leaderboard

Well I just returned from the support group, and I can't believe it their just like me. I donot feel out of place there; just like I dont feel that way here at TGGuide. OMG!! Some of those women are so pretty, and than others are just like me..homely lol I mean average. ops-y They were talking I just kept my big trap shut.....and then one of the girls said," hay you have not said anything. Why?" I kinda pushed my hair in front of my face, and hung my head. I could not control myself....I started to cry....Another young lady took me a side, and said, "sweetie let it all out!" I didnot want to run my mascara. But I fix it kinda; they kept ask'n, "why wont you talk?" It is due to my voice I just started working on it 2 days ago. However they persisted, and I started to share.I told them this was my first time out during the day light hours; with makeup as well. They just held my hand and call me Tristina, and saying things like she, her; they just made me feel right at home, I can't believe it. Even when I had to go to the restroom they told to use the lady's room, but I told them I can't yet I don't have a note from the doctor. "Just go" they replied, I didnot want to break the law so I went to the men's restroom, and found two gentlemen in there. They didnot even bat a eye toward me; just said, " hello" and then told me the last stall was opened. One time this happend at a store I was shopping at, the guys in the rest room went nuts when I walk in!! I just thought ....Wow what a difference between people who show love, and are not afraid to express it,or those who just say it and can't even express it. I think I'm going to be OK there I really do! O, Yes the neats thing, happend at end of the session the one lady who took me aside Gave me a big hug and told to stop being sorry for everything...What a sweet gesture, I thought. Well I go back again on Saturday, but now I know whats there; maybe friends that make you feel good about myself....The point of this blog is if you are thinking about going to a trans support group check them out first and go I think you may be very happy if you do. The first part of this blog which was done last night I should have called it "diary of a mad transwoman." I really worked myself up over all this; Which turned out to be nothing...Silly Plague!! I thank God, and all you my friends here at TGGuide I could not have done it with your support either thank you all!! Peace out!! >^.^<

Tomorrow I'm going to my first support group meeting for transwomen; this is at 14:00 hours. I'm down right scared, I'm really shy around people untill I get to know you. <yep then you can't shut Plague up> I guess when I get nervous I play round a bit much. People are going to see me, and their going to think.... ? What a ugly..... ? Maybe not; I don't really know,but no matter what, I'm going! I cannot let what other's think of me worry me. I mean, I going out all over the place; as I am a chica. yes people stare at me, however I pay them no mind. Even when I bump into people I knew; their like WTF is up with you?? Some tell me I'm damed, others tell me to get away from them, and then there's the old I'm going to Hell bit. when I go to the support group I have to see these folks every week. I hope I can fit in, I hope they don't tell me to leave, because I look, and sound odd. I mean I'm used to the abuse, phyical pain I eat that for lunch, but this ? Maybe I making to much out of this, I just don't know how to act yet; I feel like I still have so much work to do before I sit down and see, talk, and listen to other people. For the first time in my life I'm unsure of myself; I've only been out full time for only about 8 months. Heavens to Betsy How's a Transwoman to act?? O God, makeup! Crap!! What to ware? my hair!! <Plague rolls her eyes> I freaking out, Really!!! I guess if some reads this their going to think...What a cry baby!!! How can I make you understand, I'm used to hidding from people not seeing them every week!! I know at first everyone's nice, but then when a little time goes by ....people usually tell me to go. They just can't take my crap any more; the story of my life. FYI thats why I call my self Plague. Just like a plague you don't want, and you try to get rid of it. A misfit,throw-a-way that's what I am! Boy! This really got nagtive in a hurry!! <Deep breath> Ok instead of looking at this as something to get worried about, it could turn out really good too. I'm just going to Girl-Up be myself, stop freaking out, and show everyone a little LOVE! Now that's more like it!! I may not know how a TG woman is to act ..So I'll just be ME, and that's OK! Sorry if this blog disturbs anyone I didnot mean to do that. I just want to keep a diary, or journal of my transition. The good, and the bad; I don't want to pull me punches, just be honest as possible. I think this quote, I read applies here it's for Ms. Lucy Montgomery,"In this world you've just got to hope for the best, and prepare for the worst, and take whatever God sends." Thats just what I'm going to do in this case....Again, I do apologize if I offended anyone. I just really want to fit in at the support group. Well that's it, till have something else to blog about....Peace Out..>^.^<

I'm very happy for you. It feels good to surround yourself with kind, caring people who understand. It's so nice that they noticed you were withdrawn and they pulled you out of your shell. You sound like a new woman and check this out... you even referred to yourself as Tristina! :)

I'm so VERY proud of you Plague. It's scary walking into a support group meeting for the first time, but I suspect you'll be right at home and you may wonder what you were so worried about in the first place. Over time you may become very close with them. No need to freak out cause everybody in the group has felt just like you at some point. (((hugs!)))