Lori

Hugs to you MichelleLea. The human condition isn't an easy path. Sometimes just knowing that other people care is the difference that keeps you putting one foot in front of the other. I'm so sorry for your loss and sadness. Hang in there.

Let us know if you would like to be known by a new username that might be more suited to your true self. If so, just let us know what you would like that name to be and we can make it happen. Wishing you all the best!

I think we go through phases in life. Throughout my adult life I've been pretty outgoing and active, up until recently. I used to travel at least every other month. Lately I've lost the travel bug and prefer to stay closer to home. I used to thrive on adventure and adrenaline rushes. I no longer need all that. These days I prefer to stay home with my domestic partner and spend time with family and friends and the farm animals. I still have a social life but it is narrowing. I wonder if that will change or if this is the new normal for me. Your post made me think about how I would react if I lost my partner. It seems to me as long as you're not isolated and chronically sad and lonely that you're doing fine. It's definitely good that you have family and friends. Who knows, maybe a social opportunity will present itself at some point in the future. You just never know. Wishing you all the best.

Nice to hear the progress report. Congrats on your success!

Reminds me when I stopped by one of those "free makeovers" at a Clinique booth in Macy's. $650 later I walked out with all sorts of moisturizers and toners and makeup. I never used most of it, to be honest, but it felt great to have that makeover and I left with a better idea of what works best for me. I eventually opted for lower priced makeup options.

There are some trans people (cisgender as well) that I don't care to be around because they become a spectacle everywhere they go, whether through appearance, mannerisms, speech or behavior. I agree we should be free to live our lives however we want, but the reality is different.

Love the post! My own test of my inner courage to live life on my terms came at the shopping malls. I loved shopping (more back then than now) so the mall seemed a great way to get exposure and experience interacting with the public in a somewhat safe setting. I'm surprised I was never stopped by mall security because some days I would show up and just drive around, park and then drive around some more, trying to summon the courage to get out and go inside. In the early days I frequently failed but I kept at it. Eventually I made my way inside and slowly developed my confidence. I was terrified when anyone looked at me and especially when someone engaged me in conversation. Occasionally I was read and that was always emotionally devastating for me. I know, I shouldn't be so hard on myself, but it's a special gift I have -- to kick myself around for failure. There was some point along the way that I knew I had made it. Once I lost the fear and just became more confident the instances of being read were virtually eliminated.

Monica, you are a WONDERFUL person! I'm grateful for your participation here at TGGuide. I hope you had a very happy birthday.

Good luck Briannah! I'm preparing to place a house on the market. I'd rather wait for summer but a life situation is pushing for a faster sale. It is a rental property, so nobody worry about me being homeless. Hope all turns out well for your sale. ​

It sounds to me that you're in a healthy place for now. That is probably good as you sort out who you really are. There may come a time when you're ready to open yourself up to someone else but no need to rush that. Haha, I can relate to the long, strange trip. It sure has been here too. As mentioned, I feel things here and there. My eyesight is getting gradually worse and my hearing isn't what it once was. All in all, life is pretty good though. Best to you in the new year.

That reminds me of an interesting book I read on the topic of sales " The Go-Giver."

Your story reminds me of an older woman I met when I was in high school. By that time I had repressed my true identity and was in full denial. I came to find out this woman was transgender and that she had a sex change. Sadly, I distanced myself from her when I should have befriended her. I sure needed a friend back then that I could confide in. It was about 15 years later that I'd find another such friend and begin to openly discuss my gender identity. ​ Thank you for sharing.

Big hugs to you Emma. We all go through emotional struggles and the holidays can intensify those emotions for many of us. It's just fine to have a moment where you're not "all together." I have plenty of those times. Love the beautiful cat! They make great companions.

It's good to hear from you Michele. Wow, that is quite a list of life events. Hang in there. Live and enjoy your life. ​ Wishing you a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.

Hey MichelleLea It's always nice to be content. In the final analysis you just need to be true to yourself and focus your priorities however you see fit. Some members of the forum (and the chat room) will drop out for awhile because their priorities have changed -- only to re-emerge some time later. I don't see a problem with that. Now, I don't want to see you drop out. We enjoy having you here. But that would be ok if you needed to.

Nice to see you out enjoying life! Looks like you're dressed kind of light for the weather lately. You aren't cold?

See our PSA video Transgender People Are Extraordinary!

Every trans person I've ever known who tried to repress their inner identity has failed. There may be exceptions, but this goes way beyond a lifestyle choice. I can relate to your statement about you hoped the feelings would leave so you can be normal. I felt the same. I suspect most of us have felt this way. My first bit of advice is to explore your identity to start figuring out where you may fit on the gender continuum. Are you happy to crossdress at home or do you feel a compelling need to transition to female? I'm going back a ways here but I first thought I must be a crossdresser, so that's what I tried. It was fun and liberating for awhile, but I became aware that I needed more. My search for happiness and equilibrium in life eventually resulted in complete transition which I have never regretted. Best of luck as you go forward on your journey.

Yeah, well... ​I guess it's great news in part. ​​​So congrats on the gender marker part. ID is such a royal pain. I suppose you could go back and ask if you can get it with a middle initial, but you probably don't want to invite scrutiny.

This story is posted on the TGGuide Facebook page, along with a link to a NYTimes.com article. Congrats Karen! https://www.facebook.com/TransgenderGuide/

Happy belated birthday​ MichelleLea! ​​

I can relate to much of what you're saying. I think most of us can. We've tried to fight against our inner identity, and failed. It won't go away. For me, it was all-consuming. I'm glad you're here now, ready to embrace and enjoy the integration of your whole being. Wishing you all the best in your journey.

I consider myself a life-long learner. I often find myself in classes with much younger people. I enjoy learning new things and being around a variety of people, and all ages.

It sounds like you've figured out where you fit in the transgender continuum. It is a difficult thing to come to terms with for many trans people. It was for me. Wishing you the best of luck with ​the business, and with life in general.

You ladies might inspire me to go get my hair done or something.