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Hello, Concerning telling people about you, I highly suggest getting a copy of True Selves: Understanding Transsexualism--For Families, Friends, Coworkers, and Helping Professionals where part of the book has suggestions on telling others about you and the most important thing to tell them is "It is still me" which is critical when informing others.

Getting a job looking like a drunk rocker is hard enough, getting a job looking like a drag queen is a whole different ball game. Jobless and having a brother to support was very scary way back in 2004. I was, and still am, a rocker at heart. Nothing pleases me more than head banging to the Rock Gods of old, but I was in a situation that forced me to change my image and attitude to life. I had lovely, long brown hair. I was the envy of every girl who crossed my path due to my lovely ringlets and volume that my hair had in abundance. Imagine Brian May and Axl Rose in their prime and you get the idea. Interview after interview started to draw me to the conclusion that rockers just do not get the good jobs. And I really needed a decent job. The money from my role at the greyhound track was not anywhere near enough to sustain myself, let alone my brother as well. Then it happened, I was dragged kicking and screaming to the barber who had a field day, and an evil cackle, as my lovely locks fell the shop floor… It worked, however, and now I have forged a career. This blog however is not about my glory days, it is about my gender identity issues and the transition from male to female. The purchasing of a wig was far less challenging and painful then I imagined it would be. To top off the experience they had a style that matched my natural hair when it is allowed to grow to considerable length. I was very pleased with the kind gentleman who was not fazed at all in helping me with choosing and how to use my purchase. It was hard to gauge how I felt when I was wearing the wig inside the shop, but once home something magical happened! It was as if the clock had wound back fifteen years and I was the gangly teenager that used to give his all in the name of an alternative lifestyles. I felt like I had been transported to a happy place where memories were once again present experiences. While all this reminiscing and head banging was happening, it seemed different from before. At first I could not quite place the sensation I felt. It soon became apparent that while I was remembering the young man from times gone by there was a young woman screaming for attention in my head today. For the first time in my life I looked at the person in the mirror and there was a smile. Smiling does not come naturally to me and seeing my smile in the mirror was very odd, but satisfying. This sounds ridiculous, but it is the truth, I actually smiled at what I saw. There was a distinct lack of makeup and a six o’clock shadow had crept across my face, but there was happiness. There was almost crying, and I never cry, unless my entire being is shifted into an unknown situation. This was not unknown, it was more like a situation that had been hiding from itself. The vision in my head for all these years is now real, there is another milestone on this wonderful journey conquered and a smile is now allowed. It will take many years for my hair to grow back to the length it once was, but a goal has been set and visualised that will not be taken away from me.

Opening the door and walking through it are two different challenges... The initial step of my journey has begun, opening the door has been exciting, yet scary. A new world has presented itself and there are small islands, strewn across a vast sea, as I step outside. On the horizon is a mountain, one I will have to conquer if I am to find my true self. This blog was started to document the many challenges that will be put in front of me over the next years and as with all journeys it is one small step at a time. The first challenge of accepting myself is over, I came to terms with the two voices inside me, knowing one had to win out over the other at some point. The road continues and the next challenge is how to explain my new found self to others in my life. This will be a continuous challenge as it does not feel comfortable to over expose and add unwanted pressure or attention to an already difficult situation. Initially I will be talking with my friends on the fetish scene. Those who know me through fetish clubs and events will be the most accepting for sure, it is what makes this unique group of people so special. I know I will not face any negative attitudes and this is where my 'coming out' has already started. Not many will be surprised by the news either, as I have cross-dressed on the scene for many years and this is a natural step for many in my position. Moving on from this initial stage of explaining will be more difficult, as I know my childhood friends will be confused and maybe even scared when they discover a leader among them likes to wear lingerie and dresses. This will, however, be sometime in the future as I have not even spoken to a doctor as of yet, and there is no reason to throw the cats among the pigeons until there are some pigeons to hunt. I have been looking into how others have overcome this hurdle and it is fair to say there will be mixed results. I read about a young lady who came out recently and the article was sad at times. She has gone through so much in her short life, but now feels empowered from the experiences. It is stories like this one that give the realities against the fantasies that are in my head. http://www.thedp.com...herself    I am nowhere near this stage yet but it I am working hard on how to explain all this to the people in my life. Family and work will be the hardest for sure, but I do not want to even contemplate this bridge until the path is a little wider and I am clearer in my goals and objectives. I think it only fair to be very clear in my intentions before explaining this to anyone other than close friends.

Nobody ever (at least to my knowledge.... wait for it) made the mistake to take me as female while dressed as a male mainly because I wore tactical clothing and for eight years my hair was so short you could see skin. Recently to my surprise my best (female) friend confided to me that she always wondered about me and would imagine me as female, her children also said the same thing, they are 15 and 16. There is no mistaking me now, between owning zero make clothing and affects from hormones I am 100% treated as a female.

Well, this is my second blog on here. It's been a long while since I were on here, mostly due to password issues. XD ANYWAY: the trip up to see my family went much better than I had expected, to be honest. My family had always been the judgemental type. You know the kind....all cops are pigs, governments out to get us, gays are weird, etc etc etc. So NATURALLY I were petrified to talk to my mother about my transgender issues. Of course I had already informed my older sister of what was going on, and she was totally cool with it. Really, she was. I almost died of shock. BUT due to a court battle between my sister and her abusive Ex in order to keep her two ADORABLE daughters, all of her messages became public to....DUN DUN DUUUUUN. My mother. So, of course, my mom found out. And my mom being...well, my mom....she has a loud mouth. So after driving three hours north, getting lost and backtracking another hour, I finally arrived at my mom's new home up on the mountainside. And was pleasantly and anxiously surprised to find not just my mom and siblings and two nieces, but also my uncle I havent seen in six years, my grandfather I havent seen in five, and my aunt that I havent seen in probably ten years. All were sitting at the table waiting for me. Just me. To get right to the point, they had all travelled to my moms house with knowing that I was coming for a visit, Just to tell me that it's okay. And they'll accept me how ever I am. I literally cried with relief. I was driving up there expecting my mom to throw me out on the lawn in horror. I dont think me and my mom have ever been closer, actually. It was so much more comfortable to walk around at night in a tshirt and my boxers without worrying about them judging me for it. True they were a little awkwarded out by it, but they got used to it. The visit ended a few days later with plans for me to kidnap my youngest sister who is suffering a lot of the same issues I did at her age, a syndrom we all know as 'black sheep'. My family is into horses, outdoors, simple things. My sister, like me, loves Black Veil Brides, rock music, punk hairstyles, dark clothes, etc. So naturally, I'm proud to have another 'black sheep' in the family and I plan to have her down at my place for a few days of 'outcast hangout'. Should be a blast. Also, I BOUGHT MY FIRST BINDER I was super excited and my boyfriend agreed to let me buy a binder. I got it from Manshape, and its not so much of a binder I guess, but a compression tank? Not sure what it was called. I cried when I put it on, soooooo relieved to see a difference. But, naturally, after a while I just wanted to see even less. I've been working out for half hour before I go to work every day, focusing on shoulder and chest exercises. I've gone from 226 pounds down to 213! So excited. I was angry that my binder didnt seem to do jackshiz until I realized that it was because, DUH, I'm losing weight. So it's not as tight. This saturday I plan to buy a compression shirt from UNDERARMOR to try and help with it until I can buy another binder. A better one, hopefully. DOCTOR UPDATE: I went back to see my doctor for a check up on my new meds and whatnot. We talked about the gender thing, and she has said she found me a doctor, but his waiting list is a little long, so she's getting ahold of one more local. Impatient, I've been looking on my own as well. The area I live in is sort of vague on doctors who cover that sort of thing, going between two to five hours away from where I live, which I financially cannot afford. BUT, my silver lining: There is a therapist office in the town that I work, where I know my insurance should be accepted, because I were told there are at least 6 of my coworkers who go to that office for other issues. So, here's hoping I can get in. I've started a box called my 'boy box' where I have been saving some of my paychecks here and there, and its funds to go towards either binders, surgery, or therapy. Whatever is needed for my transformation, that money is for that purpose only. And it's racking up, much to my delight All in all, things have gotten a bit better. My relationship with my boyfriend is still a bit strained, though the tension is lessening a bit and is more focused on my own peace of mind with the situation and things that I want to do that either he doesnt, or I cant. It's a working progress. More update later, now that I'm done babbling and spilling my beans. Now if I could only stop accidently writing 'Ren' as my name at work instead of my legal name, I can keep this secret a tad bit longer at work! -Warren

Today is the first day of an adventure. Sometimes in life you have to take a look at yourself and delve deep inside to discover what you really want from it. I have never been very comfortable in my own skin, there was always a little voice in the crevices at the back of my mind. A tiny notion, planted when I hit puberty, has started to blossom inside of me since I began recovery from a severe broken leg at the end of 2013. The seed had been kept in hibernation by a variety of sources, mostly consisting of a love of playing football and the fact I was thrusted into the role of provider and caregiver for my younger brother. Since the injury has rendered me unable to play football again and my younger brother is not so young anymore, my time of late has been spent in contemplation on my future and where I want to get to. I harked back to my past for inspiration and it was at this time the seed germinated and began to crawl and creep into my subconscious. I have cross-dressed on and off for many years, never really going full on with makeup or wigs etc, but wearing skirts and lingerie is a real thrill for me. Having so much time on my hands I realised that going to the odd fetish night or dressing as a female in my bedroom was not quite enough anymore. It was at this point it hit me that in the back of mind the idea of being an actual woman was very appealing and that maybe I had been hiding from my true self. Her voice is echoing louder and louder around my head since the day I realised I could not devote my time to playing football any longer. Not that playing football was a waste of my life or time, it has provided me with fantastic memories and many friends. It is very evident, however, that it was a blockade that was keeping me from true self. I have used it as a barrier to get away from the inevitable. I wonder if some spiritual force has caused my injury so that I would hide away no longer. This force has enlightened my life and where there was once darkness and fog, there is now clear skies and a beaming sun. The tunnel has opened up and I breathe clean air for the first time in my adult life. Since breaking my leg I have been cross-dressing more and more, and I am speeding towards the thought that I am a trans-girl waiting to explode into the world and the journey to fulfil this desire has begun. The first step is research, research, research. I have been reading so much material recently that I feel my head is going to fall off, but it has served a purpose and I want to explore these feelings further. I have an appointment booked with my GP and am going to ask for a referral to a specialist team in London who assess if I am ‘suffering’ with gender dysphoria. This journey will be long, there is no getting away from the length of time it will take. I will use this blog as a diary, logging the ups, downs and challenges I will face in the next few years. As one flower dies another must bloom.

Warren, you are in the right place. Here there is no pressure to be transgendered, only support to find the truth, which is inside you. Highly recommend you find a face to face support group as well, which are on a link on the home page. This is a big website, so take your time going through it, and you will be surprised how every aspect of being transgendered is covered. It is a tightly moderated website where the moderators are kind, gentle and fair. You will find a supportive, emotionally safe and friendly space here. Glad to see you here! Welcome!!