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Hi Emma, If you don't mind me asking, have you talked to a therapist or psychologist who deals with gender issues? Obviously, everyone is different (as are their circumstances), but I personally feel that this has helped me a great deal. Just something to consider... maybe others will share their opinions or experiences on this topic, too. I wish you peace and happiness in whereever your journey takes you. Best, -Sara

"At first it were overwhelming, and I started out small. Something trivial at first, something that wont make a huge impact on the way I dressed. Yet. Boxers." Actually.. underwear was the about the last article of men's clothing that I bought. I had been wearing boy's/men's desert boots starting in junior high... though I'm wondering if cost might have had anything to do with it as back then it was very common for boys items to be much less expensive than those for girls. After high school, I started buying men's jeans when I discovered that not only did they fit me better, they didn't have to be cut off and hemmed - ALL women's jeans and slacks are apparently made for 6' tall customers. Except for one pair which I wore only 3 or 4 times and then ended up giving to my Mother, I haven't worn a pair of women's jeans since. I ended up in a job where dress was jeans (or work slacks), steel-toed boots and uniform shirts, ballcaps and jackets or coats. This just made things even easier for me, giving me an excuse to buy socks and t-shirts out of the men's department. Eventually, I started buying men's shirts, jackets, sweats, sneakers - you name it. I was pretty well dressed head-to-toe in men's outer wear before I finally bought any underwear. LOL... no one can see your skivvies, yet I was more scared to be caught in a pair of jockey shorts than to be seen fully outfitted in men's wear. I wished I had bought them sooner though, as I discovered that they were cooler, a million times more absorbent, and not itchy. They don't creep up places you don't want them, and of course - no flowers and butterflies and bows and crap.

Prior to perusing my current path to transition I did many things correct except one thing which was to try and fit in better. The main reason was, I was sure surgery would not be an opinion as it seems the Benjamin standards were to strict for me in that I wanted to not fully come out yet still have surgery and then come out in the future. I was sure this would work for me but several therapists did not see it that way. With that, I decided surgery would not happen and did not worry about mannerism, as it would conflict with me teaching self-defense. I still believe I was correct (not saying I am better than the therapists), no different than when I had liposuction, the surgeon said there was not much fat to remove and I thought he was incorrect but did not say anything. After wards the surgeon visited me to see how I was doing and said I was surprised that there was no fat then I thought. I had always been thin but a thyroid issue caused weight gain and never lost the fat no matter how hard I tried so I went for liposuction and was a good idea as it did increase my self-worth. My current therapist felt no different than me but was happy I decided to live as a female as required. So my point, since last November an important lesson was learned, nuances came to light which I recently self-evaluated within me, all subtle but extremely important in the long run. They run the gambit from walking properly to clothing styles. I recently wrote about going to a Guitar Center and trying to be male but failed, it was because mannerism of me now did not allow it while last year it was the complete opposite. With that said, I was wrong in thinking the trial period was not needed but was right that I needed to transition with surgery as part of the transition. If not for the trial period, I would still be perfectly happy but would not fit in fully. So in closing out, at this time the trial has been a success, woohoo. For a while I thought it would never end (yes it never does end) but it has and I am fully confident that I can survive in this world as a female and will be accepted. Times have truly changed and thank goodness for people coming around to people like us. 11/10/2014 addition Just back from the grocery store and while bringing the groceries in my neighbor stop to chat. As I was walking away, she said that my voice has noticeably changed. I thank her for the compliment as she knows about me transitioning and like true feedback. My evaluation is I have gotten better at voice control without even thinking about it. As anyone who has considered passing the voice is the most difficult part. You get the proper look but for many it fades away when they open their mouth. I am taking this seriously to the point of going to a voice coach after transitioning.