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When I first wrote about No Big Deal I thought I could make a point that would be helpful. In the second post I felt that the Bigness of the Big Deal should be measured by comparison of "intrinsic" vs. "sociological" needs. Now, though, I'm embarrassed to have written any of this. Behind the scenes a friend pointed out that for her (a cisgender woman SO) it's all about her preference, comfort, and desires. And when I read that I realized how meaningless my previous posts were. I'd like to close this by saying that No Big Deal may very well be: a Very Big Deal for some SOs, a Little Problem for others, No Biggie for still more, and (going out further on the limb here) the measure of its importance isn't static, it may change depending on circumstance, attitudes, and presentation. I think the one important and overriding truth is that communication between the partners is everything, especially if one hopes to achieve No Big Deal. And that, my friends, is all I'm going to say about that. Well, at least for now. P.S. As embarrassed as I am I would like to acknowledge TG Guide's member's tolerance and patience as I worked this out. No one bashed me in public or private. Remarkable! Thank you. :-)

I wrote this message in reference to a discussion allowing admirers to all events and functions within a trans lady organization in the D.C. metropolitan area. '' I think I have scared a admirer away , he does not call me anymore . '' I hope we continue to communicate in a responsible , cordial , manner , like I have noticed so far on the message board . The ladies in this group are so special and such a strong unit . I wish for more involvement in events from some of the other members we seemed not to see or hear to much about . Separation of admirer interest is good , as long as we do not get into a segregation from each other. The past residential soiree venues were a convenient , welcoming , pleasant comfort zone. Our group has grown , who would want to accommodate 50 plus girls in there home several times a year. Yes , it can be done , but it is a daunting responsibility to take on . Our group helps us flourish and explore our inner women selves with a supportive hand reaching to us anytime when needed . With that notion , we must come to terms with our own decision to express and identify as something different from which we were born. I personally do not expect another to become indulgent or accommodate myself with my own personal life choice. Those who are living this choice with another , live this choice together , making those appropriate decisions as loving companions. There is a growing movement happening for the transgender , bi-gender people of the world. I strongly want to be part of it . More and more acceptance and understanding is helping our presence be recognized , worldwide. The scientific community is supporting our cause with new research data all the time. If every trans girl could just step out as the women she deserves to be and do that little more to influence our cause . Not only will the world understand and accept us , they may just start loving us.

There's a story behind that. Yesterday while walking back from the coffee shop I contemplated the title of this post. Might it be: "No Big Deal - My Bad"? "No Big Deal - Emma's Blunder"? Nothing sounded right. And then I thought of mea culpa. I admit that I checked its definition to be sure, and now you know... The Rest of the Story.

So we (my wife and I) did it. We finally inflicted Daniella on an unsuspecting public for the first time. Wow, what fun! The evening was a crossdresser/transvestite/trans person/drag queen etc (all protocols observed I hope) friendly party held at a local (gay) club/bar. It was therefore a friendly place to go to for a first time, shy and nervous girl. The evening was a real clandestine affair; there may be a future for us in military intelligence after all. After attending a family oriented afternoon social, we got home at 7 pm. I showered, did a final hair removal and face shave. We then waited for the babysitter to arrive. We said our goodbyes etc and went to the (unoccupied) guest flat on our property where I had stashed my kit and got dressed, painted nails, and did make-up and hair. My wife went to get the car and I locked up and waited outside. At that point disaster struck! The babysitter came out to see why the car was moving (she had expected us to be gone by then and was afraid someone was stealing the cars). I don't know if she saw me or not as I beat a hasty and slightly wobbly retreat, into the shadows, in my stilettos. Oh well, no point crying over spilled milk. We drove to the venue which took about 10 minutes. I was expecting police roadblock with full body searches at every corner (police road blocks are a feature of life in South Africa), but it seems the South African Police intelligence gathering regarding first time crossdressers inflicting themselves on the innocent public is woefully (and thankfully) inadequate. We arrived at the club and parked the car we could see a few other trans people, crossdressers, drag queens etc standing outside the club and that made me feel better; I was very keen to get in. I got out the car as elegantly as I could (hopefully I didn't flash the security guard: Paris Hilton has my sympathies) and in we went. I had made contact with a few of the attendees on Facebook beforehand and they recognized us right off. They were welcoming, friendly and supportive of both me and my wife. I have seldom been made to feel so much a part of a new group of people so quickly. We got drinks and chatted (I probably bored them all with my story of the babysitter, but I suspect they all remember their first time and appreciate the stress involved). We danced, we talked, we walked around a bit and danced some more. It was great. There was another crossdresser's wife there so my wife had company too which was very nice. There was a self-confessed 'tranny chaser' at the club who looked me up and down but kept his hands to himself, not sure if I should be insulted or not? At around 11-30 my wife had developed a headache and was not feeling too good (loud music is not really her thing), so we left. I could have stayed as I did not want the night to end but we are in this together so we walked through the parking lot greeted the security guard and got in the car as elegantly as I could. My wife drove us home and once again the police's intelligence gathering proved to be far from adequate as we arrived home unmolested. Once we pulled in to the drive way I reluctantly pulled my jeans and jersey on over my dress, took off my wig and earrings and replaced my stilettos with street shoes. I walked into the house and made a beeline for my bathroom while my wife relieved the babysitter. My wife and I spoke lots about this on Sunday night (first chance we had) and we both had so much fun! We are up for it again and are looking forward to more adventures. It was so good being out dressed and being accepted for who and what we are. I do have to work on my presentation skills and especially the behaviours; it is easy to 'lapse' into male behaviours. I appreciate going to a (gay) night club hosting an evening for crossdressers/drag queens etc isn't quite the same thing as shopping, eating etc in 'general public' but it was still a big step for me. There will be more such adventures to follow I am sure.

Hi Daniella, My intuition was right on! I'm glad to meet you and look forward to more of your ramblings. Itches need to be scratched! :-) Emma

Hi Emma Thanks for the feedback. Yes I am being deliberately provocative with my title and yes, the word "tranny" can be offensive, but I am happy to 'reclaim' it and use it ironically and (I hope) humorously). For me, I look at what is intended by the use of the word. If the user is intending to be offensive then it is offensive, otherwise not. I am sorry if I offended, it was certainly not my intent but at least I got noticed :-) I have a few more ramblings itching to get out there. Looking forward to looking around and participating. Daniella

Hi Daniella, Welcome to TG Guide. When I first saw the title of this post I dismissed it as yet another person looking for a thrill. But I read your Hello post and profile, and decided to read this. It's a good story and congratulations on your adventure with your wife! But for the title, I personally don't care for use of "tranny" anywhere, as I find it to be derogatory and used by people that attempt to put us down. But that's only my feedback. I hope you like it here and make lots of friends. Look around, add your comments and thoughts! And add more blog posts, too. Take care, Emma