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Dani, I think I see your point. An example might be use of the "n-word" for blacks. I occasionally hear one black using it to another as if they have a common bond, like "Hey bro, mind if I ask a favor of you?" (Replace 'bro' with the n-word.) But, notice that even in this message I'm not spelling out the n-word. Why? Because I know how much weight and hurt that word carries. "Tranny" has similar baggage. As does "she-male" and others. Oh sure, I can imagine that in the right setting, I might joke with Veronica that way if we were both dressed en femme. But for me I'd prefer not to hear it. What about changing public perception? I think we have enough to contend with regarding acceptance and support for trans people. Trying to also "change the meaning" of what is used as a derogatory slur seems too much. I recall the days in the 60s when my grandfather used the n-word when talking about blacks. And I remember when "black" and "gay" words emerged as friendly terms for blacks and homosexual men. I think we need to follow in their footsteps. Last, I'd like to express my appreciation for your bringing this up for discussion here. That's a good thing to do. You go, Girl! Emma

I weigh the word in how it is used and who used it and if done in appropriate manner will either educate or walk away. The option to "walk away" is always an option for me considering my advance training in martial arts and firearm tactics along with being an instructor and if things get out of control I am held to a higher standard in a court of law then someone who does not have this training. Any ways thanks for bringing this up

Congrats Emma. I am glad to hear that your first meeting went so well, and that the people involved are good people. Considering some have been in the group for so long, some of the people could end up being long time friends. Hopefully one day, your wife will decide to check out one of the meetings with you. Do you think there will be any unwanted, or not-yet-ready-for ripple affects from the restaurant manager recognizing you and seeing you the group? -Michael

Personally, I like the word. It's six letters. It's short and to the point. I dont have to go into great detail about top surgery, addadicktome's, Testosterone or why after four years I am as gorgeous (though still hairless) as I am ever going to get. Sticks and stones will break my bones.. helllllll yes they will. Call me a tranny anyday, but keep the actual physical assault weapons away from me. Besides..... no one can hurt your feelings unless you give them permission and power to. Tranny I can deal with..

Appreciate your heartfelt response to Leelah. The transgender community needs to stop the self-destructiveness. Suicide is NOT the answer.

You rock, Karen!

I thought backflips would be in order but did not happen. BUT seems it took a few minutes that while making coffee it hit me and I was bouncing up and down with a huge smile.

Truthfully, I've never understood this business of "reclaiming" something. It was never "ours" to begin with. In order to reclaim something, it had to have been yours from the start, then it was taken away. Instead, it (and all other slurs) belonged to the people who intended to hurt with such terms. For all those who prefer to use derrogatory terms and slurs in an effort to take the air out of the sails of those who mean them in a hurtful way... more power to ya's. I really don't think the people who mean it in a hurtful way give a good flip about any group allegedly "reclaiming" a word. The people who don't like any person belonging to any particular group are going to continue to use those terms whenever they want or feel they can get away with it. Personally, I don't believe any person belonging to any group should sink to using the very terms that others intend as demeaning, devaluing, discrediting and dehumanizing. But that's just my opinion. -Michael

That was truly well written, thank you. I think of suicide almost daily, not planning, mostly fleeting, but wondering how much longer or under what conditions I'll last. Your writing was very inspirational to me, thank you. Emma

:) have an awesome weekend KAREN ! Veronica.

Beautifully worded. You may have been coached on pronouns, but the depth ans sincerity comes only from the heart, and it shows.

Michael, I always appreciate your thoughts. Please allow me to try to shed some light into what I was meaning. I don't know if I can but I will try. My point is this: regardless of from where ones preference or comfort is derived it is valid in and of itself. As an example, my sexual preference is for women. I don't know if that is coming from my biology or sociology. It just is, at least for now. Individuals such as my friend have their own comfort zones, which need to be respected and appreciated if I am to hope that she will be able to open up to me or us. That said, I agree that societal views must also be addressed. But societies are made up of individuals who need to be won over individually by our examples of friendly, healthy, contributions to society.

Salem, I'd really like to hear more from you at TG Guide. You write with a sensitivity that resonates with me. Thank you! Emma

We need to take care of one another. If we don't who will? No one deserves to die, but I won't sit back and pretend that this senseless death has done any good in the world. With her intelligence, she could have gone on to do great things. She is not my concern at this point, anymore than anyone that I have loved that has moved on. My concern is all of us still here. She matter(ed) and we still matter. We need to take on our 'siblings' and protect each other, but also to hold one another accountable for our actions. If we don't, more good kids will die alone. I wonder if Leelah was crying as she saw the headlights of the semi-tractor. Was she ready? Did she have second thoughts too late? Was she already feeling comitted like she couldn't back out because her letter would post before she could get back to it Did she fear retribution of her family more than she wanted to live? Did pride give way to a straight road to death? There are so many unanswered questions. Things we will never know.. I don't have the answers. I just know we need to love each other, more than we do.

I really don't think you have anything to be embarrassed about. The friend that pointed out that it's all about her preference, comfort and desires is, in my opinion, speaking honestly, but her honesty was honed by what's accepted/not accepted by current society. She doesn't know any better. I truly believe it all boils down to what people are programmed to believe and accept. We live in a world where, for the most part, only two sexes are recognized. Therefore, only two genders are recognized. And consequently, gender must match sex. But if the binary theory were to stop being crammed down peoples' throats from the day they were born, and people accepted and recognized that any variation and combination of sexes and genders are possible and normal, when a person's gender discord or variance came to light, it would be looked upon as just another change in one's life that simply needs incorporating into any relationship, whether familial, intimate or social. Hence, "no big deal." P.S. Bashing not allowed.

One thing I truly do when there is a long process and I want to move forward I am like a freight train and do not stop until I get it. I hope what I write about here inspires others otherwise it's all for nothing as I am on the private side and only become public in the hopes of helping others and at the same time others can help me :-)

Congrats, Karen.. WTG!! LOL... I dunno how you can be so calm. I believe I'd try to do backflips out of the DMV after they handed me my corrected DL.

There's a story behind that. Yesterday while walking back from the coffee shop I contemplated the title of this post. Might it be: "No Big Deal - My Bad"? "No Big Deal - Emma's Blunder"? Nothing sounded right. And then I thought of mea culpa. I admit that I checked its definition to be sure, and now you know... The Rest of the Story.

Hi Daniella, My intuition was right on! I'm glad to meet you and look forward to more of your ramblings. Itches need to be scratched! :-) Emma

Well put Hun , these are things we all suffer from , at What Point .... Yeash that is such a biggy no one can say accept the one asking the personal question , when will I be complete and not so insecure of my outward appearance , well mine was just about two weeks ago when I looked long and hard in the mirror , what is it that everyone is seeing that I cant, I constantly asked myself this , and there it was right in front of me .... I turn this way It's my mother , I turn that way its my father , I turn like this and hey its Both it's Me ... Stephani Paige Ryan , I smiled and looked all directions guess who I saw Yes ... Me no one else Just me no longer Him as I once saw , but the woman every one else on the outside is telling me stands before them ... Will you ever find this happiness , I truelly Hope so I struggled for so many years after being full time that I simply wanted to crawl in a cave and turn into the little gollum from the hobbit .. searching for My precious ... who has taken my presious , it turned out I was blind to see I had my precious with me the whole time ... Find yours hun and live happy no matter the cost or surgeries you will always see the male if you dont find inner piece with who you are .. Take care and thank you for your post it is a help to not only you but to others not so lucky as we .. those who may never even step outside , those who may never even dream it is possible . Stephani