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I attended my first therapist-led support group last night. In short, it was a very good experience for me and I'm grateful to have found it and their warm welcomes. There were six of us in all, including the therapist and myself. Three are transitioned transwomen and the fourth is taking hormones, thinks she would like to transition but isn't sure. Three are married and one's wife passed away some years ago. All are well known to each other; some have attended this meeting for more than a decade! We went around the room introducing ourselves with me allowed to wait until last. They described their journeys, home situation, children/family, and a summary of their transition - especially as it related to acceptance and feedback they received at work. I appreciated their openness and heartfelt support and although all are either transexual or in transition no one challenged my telling them that I may be remain at the crossdresser end of the transgender umbrella. My main take-aways: If one wishes to remain happy and married to their significant other we need to recognize that they are going through their own unasked-for transition. Be sensitive to that, don't push or pressure, communicate and allow her to come to terms with the "new you." It's all too easy to be self-centered especially as we're experiencing and enjoying our new freedoms. Try to keep that in check or at least be sensitive to your wife's needs. The therapist provided her metaphor for the transgender journey: a train chugging along the track, unaware of its final destination or distance to travel. We may get off at early or intermediate stations and stay there or get back on the train and continue. I expressed some of my reluctance and ambivalence to ride the train and was advised that I need to swim with the fish to uncover where I'm meant to reside under the umbrella. (Sorry for the incredibly mixed metaphor!) After the meeting we went to a local restaurant that they always go to - which happens to be one that my wife and I have also gone to often enough in the past that, you got it, the manager recognized me with the group. Full smile as always, warm greeting, and as a bonus, a little extra pour of the cabernet. This morning it occurs to me that the only regret I have for the meeting is that I'm joining a group and making friends that will likely never include my wife. Still, it was good times and I'm looking forward to the next meeting in early February.

Thanks for sharing with us Emma, and I really enjoyed the read, well spoken!!!!

Hey Michael, Regarding the restaurant manager, no, I'm not worried. I'd actually mentioned the possibility of running into someone I knew to my wife and our therapist when we met a couple of days ago; we decided it was going to be - or would be - "no big deal." (Funny how those three little words keep appearing!) Emma

As I come out among other fellow trans people, I'm finding out just how large the "umbrella" really is. There's such a wide variety. I used to think you had to have hormones and surgery in order to be transgender, but I know that's not the case, necessarily. Everybody's different. I'm too poor to afford hormones and surgery, and I don't like pain. I do not cross dress, and I'm not criticizing anybody who does. If you saw me, you'd see a perfectly masculine body, and my voice is likewise male. Okay? What's so transwoman about you? It's my innermost feelings. Couple that with the fact that I like the sound of girls' names more than guys' names, and I've always wanted to be called by a female name. Additionally, I find myself, more and more, as I get older, wishing I could use the ladies' restroom, never mind my parts. I cannot pretend to be against the thought of lawmakers trying to make it legal to choose the bathroom you'd be most comfortable using. I am through with pretending, and yet I tremble at the thought of the backlash I'd receive. I mean, I find myself wishing I could be justified in using the ladies' room, simply because I sit... Also, I get my strongest inner woman feelings around guys. I virtually always feel like a girl amidst guys. I can't explain myself. Other than that, I like my short hair and other male features, though I sometimes wish my voice was higher. This is why I consider myself a transgender female, though I don't look or sound the part. This is why I love this website. I can leave my real name out of it and identify as a girl, never mind the features. My inner man is a woman.

Just returned from obtaining my new driver license that has gender as Female with my new name then went to my bank, changed my debt card over to Karen Payne. Do I feel different, no but happy it's done Do I feel one step closer, heck yes. The two people at DMV were so nice too me Ended up not able to sleep very well last night and had a bad dream that from start to finish of the name change process I had spelled my last name wrong. Woke up and had to check my license to confirm I did not make the mistake. Update, just ordered return labels and business cards with my new name

Sounds like the Boise, Idaho meetings,sans the therapist, as we are all in someway a therapist to one another in our own ways. I am very happy for you. Remember, whether you get on the train or not, whether you ride to the end of the line or get off to shop.. no matter what you do, it's yours to do it with. There is no right or wrong as long as you are owning your decisions. I appreciate what you wrote about the spouses. I am not married, but if I ever get maried, I hope that I will be the kind of husband that wants the best for the family.. and my selfish ways are deferred by comittment and love. You have a gift of words.

Congrats Emma. I am glad to hear that your first meeting went so well, and that the people involved are good people. Considering some have been in the group for so long, some of the people could end up being long time friends. Hopefully one day, your wife will decide to check out one of the meetings with you. Do you think there will be any unwanted, or not-yet-ready-for ripple affects from the restaurant manager recognizing you and seeing you the group? -Michael

Personally, I like the word. It's six letters. It's short and to the point. I dont have to go into great detail about top surgery, addadicktome's, Testosterone or why after four years I am as gorgeous (though still hairless) as I am ever going to get. Sticks and stones will break my bones.. helllllll yes they will. Call me a tranny anyday, but keep the actual physical assault weapons away from me. Besides..... no one can hurt your feelings unless you give them permission and power to. Tranny I can deal with..

Michael, I always appreciate your thoughts. Please allow me to try to shed some light into what I was meaning. I don't know if I can but I will try. My point is this: regardless of from where ones preference or comfort is derived it is valid in and of itself. As an example, my sexual preference is for women. I don't know if that is coming from my biology or sociology. It just is, at least for now. Individuals such as my friend have their own comfort zones, which need to be respected and appreciated if I am to hope that she will be able to open up to me or us. That said, I agree that societal views must also be addressed. But societies are made up of individuals who need to be won over individually by our examples of friendly, healthy, contributions to society.

I really don't think you have anything to be embarrassed about. The friend that pointed out that it's all about her preference, comfort and desires is, in my opinion, speaking honestly, but her honesty was honed by what's accepted/not accepted by current society. She doesn't know any better. I truly believe it all boils down to what people are programmed to believe and accept. We live in a world where, for the most part, only two sexes are recognized. Therefore, only two genders are recognized. And consequently, gender must match sex. But if the binary theory were to stop being crammed down peoples' throats from the day they were born, and people accepted and recognized that any variation and combination of sexes and genders are possible and normal, when a person's gender discord or variance came to light, it would be looked upon as just another change in one's life that simply needs incorporating into any relationship, whether familial, intimate or social. Hence, "no big deal." P.S. Bashing not allowed.

I was concerned about my name change getting done on time as it has been 24 days since I started part two of the process and was suppose to be done in seven to ten days. Looked in the mail, nothing so I decided to head on down to the courthouse and see what was going on expecting to get a reply I was not looking for. Well I was surprised to learn it was slated to go out in the mail today. The two people work the desk pretty much got it done today and walked out as Karen Payne. Tomorrow my plan is to visit DMV to get a new drivers license so that I can now book my airfare for my trip in two weeks for GRS. Also had a meeting with my immediate team at work about my plans for GRS, all went extremely well. Tomorrow I come out to the section I work in then take the afternoon off for DMV.