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As I come out among other fellow trans people, I'm finding out just how large the "umbrella" really is. There's such a wide variety. I used to think you had to have hormones and surgery in order to be transgender, but I know that's not the case, necessarily. Everybody's different. I'm too poor to afford hormones and surgery, and I don't like pain. I do not cross dress, and I'm not criticizing anybody who does. If you saw me, you'd see a perfectly masculine body, and my voice is likewise male. Okay? What's so transwoman about you? It's my innermost feelings. Couple that with the fact that I like the sound of girls' names more than guys' names, and I've always wanted to be called by a female name. Additionally, I find myself, more and more, as I get older, wishing I could use the ladies' restroom, never mind my parts. I cannot pretend to be against the thought of lawmakers trying to make it legal to choose the bathroom you'd be most comfortable using. I am through with pretending, and yet I tremble at the thought of the backlash I'd receive. I mean, I find myself wishing I could be justified in using the ladies' room, simply because I sit... Also, I get my strongest inner woman feelings around guys. I virtually always feel like a girl amidst guys. I can't explain myself. Other than that, I like my short hair and other male features, though I sometimes wish my voice was higher. This is why I consider myself a transgender female, though I don't look or sound the part. This is why I love this website. I can leave my real name out of it and identify as a girl, never mind the features. My inner man is a woman.

Sweetie, this is your journey and what it means to you may will be different from others. You don't need to be taking hormones or have surgery to be transgender or feel female. You also don't have to transition full-time, unless you feel you need to. I'm so glad that you do feel welcome here and can share. Hang in there! Lisa

Interesting week. My mom, who is still trying to get over my dad passing decided not to visit for Christmas. So I went to see her by myself without my family. I wanted to talk with her about me and let her know what was going on since I was unable to over Thanksgiving. Well I told her that I was Transgendered. We talked about how when I was younger she put me in therapy due to dressing. For me it was all crystal clear but I had to rehash through all of that with her because she had forgotten. She felt so bad for me and hugged me. She had no idea about the turmoil that was inside of me s just since I was young but said that she would support me whatever I decide to do. I told her that there was a real possiblity that I would transition and that though my wife supported me she would not stay with me. I sm just thankful she does. This Christmas has been interesting for me. I went into it with an open mind hoping that I could come out of it with a clear decision or sense of direction. Though I felt less like I needed to transition it is becoming clear to me that something needed to be done and that part way would not cut it. Anyways, I hope that everyone had a good holiday and are happy and healthy. I know I am better off and feeling better. Lisa Lisa

Friday I was fitted for my first bra. I really can't believe I did it. I went into the store and sheepishly asked to be fitted for a bra. All the ladies in the store were also wonderful. I did get fitted(I am a 44B) . Then they helped me find several bras to try on, When I tried the first one on, and put my top back on, I almost cries as looked in the mirror , I had a chest (thanks to my mam-boobs) a small one but a chest non the less. I did buy a bra and wore in out of the store, I felt so wonderfully feminine as I walked out of the store. The picture is me, all me. :)

Emma & All: I am brand new to the forum, and yours was the first post I saw. I wish you all of the very best on this journey, and am glad that you have a support group in place. I just came out and told my wife, and we now have all the "issues" surrounding that. I do not even know if there are any such groups in Charlotte, NC where I am from. In any event, my well wishes for you!

ohmy I must agree I literally have no choice but t go as womanly as possible in irl situations... which is pretty butch cuz bio-region strong internal drive to come out more & more scared excited at the same times Swan

There is a new term out, trans* where the asterisk denotes what suits you best, so this can mean in your case "your version of transgender" which is great and my version is different from you and Emma is different from me and you. What is common is unity and special to what we are to the world.

Hi Jenny, Good to see your blog post. I imagine it's hard for you to do but I hope to read more from you. I agree with you that it does seem at times that the transgender scale leans toward hormones and surgery but, like you, I'm more likely at the opposite end! Emma

Sounds like the Boise, Idaho meetings,sans the therapist, as we are all in someway a therapist to one another in our own ways. I am very happy for you. Remember, whether you get on the train or not, whether you ride to the end of the line or get off to shop.. no matter what you do, it's yours to do it with. There is no right or wrong as long as you are owning your decisions. I appreciate what you wrote about the spouses. I am not married, but if I ever get maried, I hope that I will be the kind of husband that wants the best for the family.. and my selfish ways are deferred by comittment and love. You have a gift of words.