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I don't know where you're from, but there are often LGBT centers in big cities that can help you. These places are probably the best places to look for therapists that have experience with GID. You can search for transgender resources for you area. I'm glad that you have someone that you can talk to in person too.

Thank you for the comments, everyone. I probably should have mentioned that I've talked to therapists about my depression and I'm on medication for it. I talked about my gender issues the last time I talked to my therapist, but it's outside her area of expertise and I'm not comfortable trying to find answers while I explain things to someone who doesn't really get it. I think I need to find a therapist who's familiar with this sort of thing, so that's what I'm trying to do now. I should also mention that I've been talking to a trans friend about this and she's helped me a lot, so I don't feel alone.

I think it was two weeks from first to middle then the first few days with the middle one was painful but got better after a few days. The larger one was large enough that I failed to get the depth of the first two by a half-inch. The middle one did not have lingering pain afterwards while the larger one did and took three 200mg ibuprofen which helped some. I am guessing three more days (3 x times per day) till it fits w/o pain. Yes I am indeed staying strong but at the same time got one more dilation to do tonight eek.

How long was it before the first two weren't as uncomfortable Karen? Stay strong, you are almost there:)

Lori, when you have time it would be a good idea to discuss a self-defense training CD as I don't have any of the equipment to do this. By no means am I camera shy and would love to get this information out to our community.

We all come from different backgrounds. Absolutely no disrespect intended for anyone... I believe the LGBT community should be armed and well trained to defend themselves in so far as they are able to do so legally, are mentally capable and are willing to accept the responsibilities of doing so. Great to see you getting back into training Karen! I have a feeling you're going to find that you're more successful now than ever before! I really like Monica's suggestion about the self defense training DVD set. Perhaps we should talk about that sometime Karen. I have facilities and video equipment.

Does my heart good to hear this because it wasn't always clear what direction to go. Like the greater society, I believe our diversity is our strength. I am so happy that some find something meaningful here. Thank you for the kind words Karen. :)

You seem to have a remarkable constitution Karen. best of luck and have fun ! :)

I think that being transgender is how you feel inside, your mind, heart and soul. People can express their femininity outward to what ever extent they choose, or not at all.

"Also, I get my strongest inner woman feelings around guys. I virtually always feel like a girl amidst guys. I can't explain myself." -Jennifer No need to try to explain. When I was working, I always felt more like myself, like a man, whenever I was dealing with a woman. More so than when I am alone. Some of them made it even easier, because they often made no attempt to look specifically for bio males if they needed help with something. If I was handy, they had me doing whatever grunt task they needed done. Sometimes, it actually felt like they made no distinction between me and the rest of the bio male workforce - I was just another one of the guys. "I agree with you that it does seem at times that the transgender scale leans toward hormones and surgery...." -Emma That scale isn't leaning -- there are those who are continually pushing on it, believing they can tilt the scales in their favour, dismissing those who don't or can't transition and thereby making themselves "legitimate" and labelling everyone else "pretenders." -Michael

Sweetie, this is your journey and what it means to you may will be different from others. You don't need to be taking hormones or have surgery to be transgender or feel female. You also don't have to transition full-time, unless you feel you need to. I'm so glad that you do feel welcome here and can share. Hang in there! Lisa

ohmy I must agree I literally have no choice but t go as womanly as possible in irl situations... which is pretty butch cuz bio-region strong internal drive to come out more & more scared excited at the same times Swan

There is a new term out, trans* where the asterisk denotes what suits you best, so this can mean in your case "your version of transgender" which is great and my version is different from you and Emma is different from me and you. What is common is unity and special to what we are to the world.

Hi Jenny, Good to see your blog post. I imagine it's hard for you to do but I hope to read more from you. I agree with you that it does seem at times that the transgender scale leans toward hormones and surgery but, like you, I'm more likely at the opposite end! Emma