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Well, each year this time I'm faced with the same feelings and emotions, that got amplified after my father passed away. February strikes, everything seems fine, and as the nears the last week emotions run wild, literally and figuratively. Okay, my birthday and I have never seen eye to eye. Yes, I know it's just a day, but somehow it manages to find a way to screw me over. This years isn't so big, but I can't find a place with available space, so romantic weekend away is spoilt. To understand my avoidance with planning or being out on this day should be explained with these 3 examples. 1 and 2 days that were important to me, were destroyed with the most important person not being there for me. My crown birthday and 21st. My dad had the privilege of being at all his childrens except me, not even 1 of them. I was forced to have a 21st and each and every attempt to escape I broke something. So no luck. Then a day with a 3 in 1. No pity required as I found out my will to live was greater than expected. My 16th birthday was filled with fights and me just wanting to cry. Yes, this fighter knows the value of crying. From that it changed into a knife being squeezed against my throat so I would resist the urge to fight as I was robbed and minutes later a firearm being pointed at me to rob me once again. A few hours later, getting stopped by an old man trying to persuade me to get into his car, turning into a fight, changing to a car speeding towards me and knocking me temporarily out. This guy raped me and while busy I came to. He tried to strangle and kill me but the fighter in me took over and the anniversary is here again. Now, I rarely think of it, because I survived and I fought to keep my life. Now pity isn't and will never be wanted. It happened and it's a part of me, I admire for my survival instincts, and hate because it's supposed to be me day. It also made me a better police officer to handle rape victims. And I hate people that fake being raped. Now every year something happens to make it memorable, but for a negative reason. I can only say 2 days were fun. 1 I got my driver's license on my 18th birthday, and I was used as a body chocolate and whip cream platter on my 30th and the beginning felt like rape. Conclusion for me and my birthday is. Stay away, it's just trouble.

I have been waiting to see if any of my friends would un-friend me after announcing my gender change, instead I actually gained two friends, lost zero. One I understand as we are both heavily into martial arts and have many common friends in martial arts while the other one not sure about but she is a mutual friend from a person I attended high school with on the East Coast. So to date all is well.

Update: tomorrow I have a private meeting with the therapist who runs the TG Support group I've been attending. She has over 40 years experience with transgender people; I'm very fortunate to have found her and that she's available within about five miles of my home. I've printed out a copy of the table you posted and highlighted the items that are most in agreement with what I am/feel/do to provide her with a quick way to get a more broad sense of what's going on for me.

Body structure does not dictate the persons capabilities or knowledge. If that was the case, men would know everything about firearms and fighting in general, because their bodies makes them have the heart to also engage in danger for a Law Enforcement member signed up yo traverse these arenas. In reality more men run away from danger as a police officer, because the FLIGHT part takes over when fighting is needed to stop a situation, and females know they have to switch it off or no one will want to work with them outside ever again. Double standards I know, but unfair. The finality of a firearm if used accurately, will always make it my last choice. I was probably one of few persons trained to use a firearm as a means of controlling anger. Not the best way, seeing that martial arts didn't work on me personally, but was extremely effective for me at a young age as I loved and still love the responsibility a firearm dictates for it's users. And immediately calms me down as soon as I get one in my possession, and keeps me calmer through all situations.

See my blog entry Sex Orientation Scale at http://karenpayneblog.com/ and for some this will be new while others it will be somewhat new.

In this day and age, and our locale here on the West Coast, I'm not too surprised that you've not lost friends, although I can certainly imagine your wondering how this will turn out. I think this response is also testimony to you: people like you and want to be friends with you because of how much they appreciate you as the "whole person" regardless of your gender.

My guess is this is a gauge for professionals to start with and there is variation to all cells in the chart. Before surgery I classified myself as group 3 but was caught within a hybrid of type 5 and 6, kind of a meld with slight differences. So I would think it is safe to say many will have the same feelings as me, not quite fit one or another but indeed there.

I'd like to add some thoughts but I'd first like to acknowledge that I know you intend for this chart to be helpful and informative. Perhaps it is for those who qualify for the Group 2 and Group 3 classifications. And perhaps too it helps me to see that I am within Group 1. That said, I find myself feeling kind of hurt when I read that one is "true" or not within the confines of those boxes. Maybe it's silly to be feel that way but I do. I don't see myself fully described within any of the columns under Group 1. This doesn't mean I am not "true" anything. I am valid in and of myself. In my career I have often created such charts for marketing, engineering, and customer classifications, to help understanding and management. So I understand that this chart is valuable to therapists and others new or interested in transgender people. At least it gives them a framework to start developing an understanding. But it is the only the tip of the iceberg and I think it's important for future readers to understand that.

Hello Michelle, I'm sorry to hear of your birthdays but I'm glad you wrote about it here. As Michael (an Admin here, "UsernameOptional") advises: pound your keyboard, keep writing, maybe that will help relieve some of your pain. And by the way, it's not pity, not whining. The pain is real and it is valid. I hope we hear more from you. Hugs, Emma