Hi Emma,
I think we all question how we are perceived by others, especially in the early days of transition, I was almost paranoid by worrying about what others thought of me. I think this is normal. Don't expect all TS people to see eye to eye, there are some that I don't get on with either, again this is no different than for anybody else (non trans).
It's funny, I didn't think that I'd ever get as far as I have done, wasn't bothered about HRT or GRS at first, so yes it can snowball, it did for me, and incrementally so, plant estrogen followed by self med premarin, followed by GP prescription patches, followed by GIC treatment, and yes I can't wait to get rid of my "junk" to become fully fulfilled as a woman. Also incremental were the changes in my appearance and dress, mostly male at first, femme around the house, then femme at trans events etc, and finally after nearly 3 years full identity change and acquired female gender.
However my first friend with whom we came out to each other via his (her?) wife, who initially was far more passable as femme than I was, has not taken it any further than occasionally dressing as female mostly at trans friendly places.
So we are all different, and there is no guarantee of what your future holds.
Just take it slowly and give your wife time to accept that you are still you, and maybe your appearance is a little different, after all we age don't we?, and that your appearance might or might not change some more. I don't know many transwomen who have got into a serious relationship with men, most that I know are still attracted to women.
I hope that this helps you,
Eve