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Over the years I (and you most likely have too) have read countless stories of people transitioning with little or no support which is sad. With that said I would like to extend to those here if there is anything I can do shout out. If by chance you are having surgery with Marci Bowers in California with no support let me know, I will fly down for the day of surgery and the day after at the very least to provide support. I don’t want to see anyone take this path alone which is why I will do this and I pay my way entirely. Perhaps in areas such as the East Coast other will assist if possible and if not I will consider making that trip too, after all I have been away from the East Coast way too long as my family keeps reminding me. Now I am going to shut up :)

Thanks Emma, I know that from my experience nobody should go through this alone.

That's incredibly generous and thoughtful of you, Karen. Thank you.

Lisa, Thank you for the feedback! With this particular friend I expected it to go fairly easily, and it did. We have a long history of being very open and supportive of each other. Fortunately I have several friends in that category, it's if and when I get to family that things might get trickier. Both of my parents passed away, so it's mainly my brother and sister, neither of whom is terribly enlightened. i'm sure i'll go much further on my own journey before I discuss it with them. Xoxo Christie

Emma, Your timing was perfect, I read this right before I met with my friend It went very well, it was nice to hear myself say the words!

I've come out to my wife, my mom, my sister and a few friends. Everyone has been extremely supportive. But after the initial shock, I have gotten a lot of questions. Some are really hard to answer, because it's hard to explain a feeling or an inherent need that is totally foreign to someone else. Anyways, after the initial meeting, don't be surprised if you get a lot of questions that you cannot answer or are not prepared to answer. But that's okay. Just take it in stride.

My father passed away almost a year ago. About four months later is when I stopped being able to cope with my male side. My wife and my mom asked if me transitioning had anything to do with my father passing. Honestly, it is hard to say. I don't know. I really don't. There are other things that happened in my life that I think had a more direct impact on my decision.

Life is full of surprises. I have always considered myself a fairly self aware person, but I've been surprising myself lately. About three months ago, I told my wife that I thought that I would need to transition. Well, about two weeks ago at my appointment with my therapist, I reminded her of something that I had said at my very first appointment back in November which was wanting to develop new ways to cope with being trans but not having to transition. I was in "crisis" mode at the time, not sure what to do. I was unable to cope with being male, yet was hoping that I could develop other ways to cope. At this last appointment, I started to realize that I have been coping with this for 38 years. I've tried everything to cope and did very successfully for a number of years. But now that is not working. Later that weekend, I read, "True Selves: Understanding Transsexualism". About 99% of it applied to me. It spoke to me in ways that helped me understand that I am fighting something that is who I am. So, here is the interesting thing. After I read that book, a flood of memories came back to me, about experiences I had repressed or long ago buried. This caused a flood of emotions over the last two weeks, making it even more difficult to cope. I noticed that dressing no longer helps. I need to transition to living as a female. That weekend, I told my mom and she had a lot of questions and concerns, but she supported me. I told my wife that I needed to get on hormones and start laser / electrolysis. She, understandably, is very upset. Not just by the transition and the change to me and our lives, but she knows that I've been struggling with this and that I've been doing everything that I can do and she is really worried about me. I made appointments to obtain hormones and laser. I had my first laser appointment on April 2 and a follow up appointment on the 23rd. My appointment to obtain hormones is on April 7th at Whitman-Walker. We will see how that goes. Another transwoman I know recommended them and she was able to get in and get on HRT quickly. I started letting my hair grow out, because I thought this would happen. We will see how that goes. I will need to take finasteride as well because my hair is thin on top. Anyways, it looks as though I am beginning a new journey. I will try to post more frequently with updates. I hope that everyone has had a good week and a Good Friday. Thank you for your feedback and continued support. Love and Blessings, --Lisa

So, I asked a friend (cis-woman) if we could do lunch on Saturday - just said for now there was something I wanted to talk about. I plan to "come out" to her as transgender. It feels a little anti-climactic, after all she already knows I cross-dress and not for fetish reasons. But, outside of my therapist she will be the first person to whom (yes, i'm trying to keep "whom" alive!) I will have self-identified as trans. To me I think the big thing, besides actually saying it out loud, is thinking about how to explain what it means in my life. She won't be judgmental at all, she's awesome and totally supportive of pretty much everything, but it is a conversation and I'm sure she'll ask follow-up questions. Luckily i'm off work tomorrow, so I have time to think On another front, I fully merged my wardrobe tonight - I no longer own "mens" clothes and "womens" clothes, I just own "my" clothes. Hope all of the Christians out there have a lovely Good Friday, and happy Passover to all Jewish members! And a belated Blessed Ostara to any other Wiccans in the room!

Karen and Emma, Wish Marci Bowers and other GRS surgeons had local VOLUNTEERS at their clinics and hospitals to provide their patients support . . . Monica

Congratulations on the end of your coping and starting a journey that will hopefully have you arrive to where you should be. Once you have a target date for surgery please do not put off hair removal for the private area as I did and ended up going twice a week for several months rather than spread it out over time. Good to hear True Selves was helpful. With me it was complete validation. In regards to hair thinning, please use caution when looking at options and depending on how much hair thinning there is don't rule out quality hair pieces. So the journey begins, be proud and be you.

Lisa, That's great that you're taking steps, and that your mom is supportive. Good luck on your journey, I look forward to reading more updates! Christie

This is going to sound strange and perhaps obscured too many yet I have to question the validity of the real world and what is beyond or parallel to the known world. Although I infrequently visited my sister while alive when we did there was this connection between us, same when we talked on the phone coast to coast. When I had not seen her because we lived on different coast I did not think about her but when I visited her and her husband in 2004 not seeing her for ten years it was fantastic yet I let things slip again until she was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in 2013. I only called her twice after that and was told by my mother after she passed that she was upset with me for not calling her more. Of course I felt emotional and wished I had called her more. Yesterday it really hit me that she was gone and I, Karen was born. I was essentially conceived in 2013 as this was when I affirmed my decision to become Karen and leave Kevin behind. Is it a coincident that Karen was conceived when my sister passed? Yesterday when my mind conjured this up I could not stop thinking of the things that transpired then. For me I have experienced and witness things in my past that make me pause and contemplate "what if" there is something else besides this physical life which comes from a person who without witnessing things in my past that defy laws that govern our physical known world could exists? I wrestled with this all day yesterday and has seeped into today and think it will haunt me as there is no way I can come to terms with a reasoning behind this special and unexplainable connection between my sister and me. Did my sister have to pass for Karen to emerge or is it something my mind conjured up to make sense of the loss of my sister. I think a therapist could rationalize these thoughts with a plausible response but I think that my mind will still go back to my current reasoning’s which as mentioned before defies all known logic. Guess I will have to accept that this cannot be answered and live life in her honor. Right now I am flooded with emotions.

Lisa, since I am not a professional my guess is that perhaps the lose of your father was a signal to proceed with transitioning were your father may not approve. Just speculation on my part. There are so many triggers that can move us in this direction and only a qualified therapist and you can figure out.

Dear Christie, It sounds to me like you made the ideal choice of the first person to come out to. And also you are doing the right thing by preparing. By considering what comments and questions she may bring up and your responses you will hopefully reduce some of your anxiety. She's friendly so if she asks something that you're not ready for give yourself a moment, take a breath, a sip of water, and see if the answer comes to you. If not it's perfectly okay to say "Great question, thanks! I'm going to have to think about that one and get back to you on it!" Have fun with her. I'm sure you're going to be great. Emma

I have noticed that there are not a lot of images for GRS so I slapped three together that I thought might provide a bit of perspective. The image has three, one immediately after surgery which looks rather raw, second (must have a strong stomach for this one), third is three weeks post surgery and can still see some stiches. I do photos once a week and will post another one in a couple of months. NOTE: Please do not share this image as I am only sharing here for those who are curious to what to expect if they go down this path and not for public view. The site is a private Comcast FTP site that does not get hit with crawlers. So this photo is for educational purposes only.

One of my goals as mentioned in prior post and blog entries is to share my journey which hopefully contains decent information for others travelling down the same path. Thought it would be great to attend local group sessions to share my journey too but have not as most groups in the area are 30 to 50 miles away and are on week nights so that does not cut it for my schedule. Today I get an email from my therapist writing to ask if I would sit down with one of her clients who lives in my area living full time as a female. Seems she is at a loss for people to talk to and thought I would be perfect for talking to her as she is in a state which would be helpful for someone like me to talk with, listen and give advice too.

Things that come to mind without blinking an eye, yes, surgery is a big deal but pales (at least for me pain-wise) in comparison to dilation. No sugar coating it, it really hurts. On the bright side it gets better but not before you have done this about 300 times. For me the next thing is cisgender females will talk to you about things you would never even guess, it’s a totally different world. Even cisgender females that you don’t talk to but notice in a glance or passing by on the street, for me (and I know it’s not my imagination) there is an unspoken thing, it might be a smile or a slight nod of the head. By no means do all females do this but just this week I had a handful of nods and smiles and right back at them. Next up is my mindset has changed, I am now very picky about how I present myself clothing wise. Just this morning I tried something like five outfits on, left the house and then two blocks down was still questioning my current attire. Another thing on mindset, sometimes I feel like a teenager, learning about my new body. It’s the little things, the care is different than before. Then there is hooray, no more tucking with tight underwear. There is nothing like getting dressed or pulling up my underwear after using the toilet and that’s it, no tucking. Of course tucking is small in comparison to having a vagina, it makes all the difference in my identity. And Marci was not lying, it’s sensitive down there. When my mind goes to that special place I get excited and sensations radiate from down there, so much different than the male counterpart. My hope is at three months out I will not even think about mentioning dilation which I am off to do now followed by relaxing after a long but good day at work.