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Emma - I think you had every right to feel like you were being interrogated, belittled, and discredited. And it's certainly understandable how she brought back feelings and emotions of a time that was not so happy. Pamela sounds very much to me like the type who believes that if you're not about to kill yourself, or castrate yourself, you are neither serious nor truly transsexual. She also reminds me of the type that believe there is no such thing as a different path for each of us - if you are trans, you will do everything within your power yesterday to transition. Pamela is just one person in the group. No matter where we go...there's always that one person. That one bully. Or that one butthead. It sounds like at the moment, you are the "youngest" of the group (not in age, but in experience), the vulnerable one, the kind she likes to prey on. Sounds like she's damn good at it too. I think maybe you have allies in other members of the group, and hopefully in the therapist. And of course, as Christie pointed out, you have TGG, too. -Mike

Have news for "Pamela": When you make "you" statements, that is the same as pointing a finger at someone; you have three pointing back at you. Secondly, the most important thing is NOT how you pass as a woman. The most important thing is what is going on between the ears! Being a woman starts from the inside and works it's way out. It is NOT how you dress; it is how you ACT! Monica

Sorry to hear about her badgering you like that. There are always going to be one in many groups that are on a high horse.

"The most important thing is how well you pass as a woman." I think what I said in a post I wrote before is important here. Being authentically transgender isn't about reaching a supposed ideal (particularly an ideal founded in patriarchal cisheteronomativity), it is about becoming most authentically ourselves and the best versions of ourselves. The concept of 'passing' is problematic. Being transgender isn't about reaching a particular destination or goal that satisfies the requisite gatekeepers. Being transgender is a life-long journey about self discovery and we reach many destinations along the way that mean a variety of different things to different people. Love Charl -o0o-

Thank you! And thank you for being such a positive presence here The only downside to wearing the shorts this morning was that it was rather cold out, I should factor the weather into my decisions to be bold! Fortunately it's not a long walk from home to the gym.

Christie, you're doing great. You're lucky, too, that your employer and supervisor doesn't mind your receiving so many packages there. I'll bet you had fun at the gym! Emma

Hi Everyone, Thank you so much for such heartfelt and supportive comments. Sigh. I'm very lucky to have found you and to be part of this group. I love you all. I don't want to sound silly, but... Remember when Sally Field was accepting her award and said, "I guess you really do like me!" I feel like that now, thank you. (She is so sweet, I've always loved her. When she played The Flying Nun I was about ten years old and yeah, I wanted to be a nun too.) Yes, there is always someone like Pamela in every group. We all know that, we've all experienced it. I was just so surprised and caught off guard. And sure, allowing oneself to be off guard should be normal in a support group. I think that's the main point that I need to take away from this episode. It's okay to be myself and be vulnerable. But there are wolves in sheep's clothing everywhere we go and we need to watch out for them and try to be prepared. I hope you all have a wonderful Wednesday! Hopefully my new top/shirt will be ready to pick up at REI today. :-) Emma

Thank you, Christie. In some ways I really don't give a darn what set her off, nor do I really want to hear it. What she owes me is a deep and sincere apology. Maybe then we could be friends. I hope so. I have decided that I will continue to attend the meeting in August. I'm not going to let Pamela "win" or know she got to me, or allow her to control me. But I will be careful when I'm around her, you can be sure of that. Hugs Emma

I'm with Emma, I can't imagine ever talking with either of my parents about sex, but then I grew up in a VERY waspy family, nothing emotional or physical was ever discussed.

Karen, Your courage never ceases to impress me! I'm glad I've only had the one talk about sex with my kids I needed to, which was "DO NOT F*%! this up". I know they happy with they're gender and they're selves. They seem well educated and are inlusive and tolerant. I'm glad I don't have to worry them in they're personal lives. They seem to maintain agood balance. The funny thing about "girl" talk? Yeah. I know what girls talk about. I must say I enjoy it immensely. Veronica.

I use the Flash-n-go myself. I have been using it everywhere except my face, but started doing that as well in the past month. It's too soon to know how effective it is on my face, but everywhere else it's been pretty effective. (I had started electrolysis previously, but that was too expensive after a few sessions)

"True Selves" by Mildred L. Brown and Chloe Ann Rounsley

ummm now you have me wondering----what was the book title....talk about keep a sister in suspense

I mentioned it a while back and happy it is of use to you.

You go girl! :)

Emma, I'm so sorry you had to go through that! It's horrible to be confronted like that in any situation, but especially in a group therapy session that should be supportive. I hope Susan can do something to resolve it in a fully satisfactory way. Personally, I can certainly understand the desire to understand why Pamela did what she did, but it might just lead to greater frustration since you can never be sure unless she tells you. If she's already prone to be like that it might have been made worse by something going on in her life. I don't mean to suggest that as an excuse, it's not, but a possible explanation. I think the most important thing to remember is that whatever it was, it was on her and you shouldn't internalize it (and believe me, I know that's easier said than done, i'be let myself feel hurt over far less incidemts). At least you have this space as an alternate venue, certainly not a substitute for in person meetings, but it's somewhere to turn. XOXO Christie

Emma and Veronica, Thank you both so much for your kind feedback The clouds seemed to have passed right now. I wasn't that sure this morning, but I got up and went to the gym and now feel ok (it helped that I got my latest Kohl's order yesterday, which included some cute new gym clothes). So ironically my cloudy day has passed just as an actual cloudy day has descended. xoxo Christie

I certainly never felt comfortable talking to either of my parents about sex. :-)

I think we should challenge binaries like this. Some transgender folk like myself aren't male or female and are excluded in so many binary exclusive spaces. It's led to a lot of stigma about my own sexuality because neither parent was ever comfortable talking to me about sex and gender. Parents, regardless of gender, should speak openly and confidently about sex to their children, regardless of their children's gender.

Hi Art, Yes you may loose some of your freinds when you come out, even family members. BUT if they are so unreasonable as to not accept your true self, perhaps they aren't worth worrying about too much. Also you'll make other new freinds. Others can be a great help in choosing a name for you as Karen has mentioned above. Keep on blogging! Eve