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Good morning everyone, I've many times heard the suggestion about doing a random act of kindness for a stranger and this morning I learned from the recipient end what a wonderful suggestion it really is! I was on the PATH train coming in to work (I had amazingly gotten a seat!) and I was reading "True Selves: Understanding Transsexualism." A few minutes in, the woman sitting next to me handed me a note, it read: "I saw title of your book. I think your courage to be who you want to be is amazing!!" I don't think I need to add anything to the story, needless to say my mood just soared. I thanked her (right then and then again as we were getting off the train), but it felt in sufficient. XOXO Christie (as a side note - I haven't experienced this particular opinion on this website at all, but this seems like an appropriate moment to again challenge the notion of New Yorkers being nasty - we're not, and we are even capable of incredible sweetness, even to strangers!)

That's too cool.

I don't think it matters how well you pass. There's one helluva lot of genetic women who don't "pass" too good out where I live. So much so that I do okay without making any attempt to do so. I'm told that used to be some counselors did consider how much reasonable chance for success there was for a given client in a new gender but passing was only a part of the arithmetic that they used to figure. [Most of the figuring seemed to be based on whether the client could be expected find a job and make a living in in the new gender.] Wouldn't have been surprised at something like what you experienced happening to you at a non-counselor led support group but I am kinda surprised at such happening at a counselor-led support group. Sounds like the counselor kinda lost control of the group. Or maybe she never really had control of the group since you say this Pamela woman has a reputation for acting this way. I don't think I'd have gone out to eat with this outfit afterwards though, least not if this Pamela woman was going too. But then I'm kinda particular who I break bread with. Sounds to me like this Pamela's been getting away with this sort of thing for a long time which makes me think again that maybe the group could be moderated a tad more tightly. I'm glad that your counselors are not pushing you to present more obviously femme in your outward appearance. I've heard that some counselors do that. I read in a book someplace that Christine Jorgensen never wore a dress in public until after she had her sex-change surgery. [i heard she actually made the dress herself too!]

That is wonderful, we live in a time were people are much more accepting then they were just a few years ago and this shows it.

"Sounds like the counselor kinda lost control of the group. Or maybe she never really had control of the group since you say this Pamela woman has a reputation for acting this way." -- Daniella I had a similar thought... hopefully, the counselor has made amends by not only discussing this with Emma, but also by making sure dear Pamela doesn't assualt anyone like that again. -Mike

Melody, good for you for being so strong and self-assured. I could use some of your pixie dust, girl! We are all at different places in our wildly different journeys. I'd love to read more about yours. Emma

Emma, That's wonderful! And I really enjoy the fact that our stories both involve people from places that are usually characterized as nasty (New York and Paris). I spent 6 weeks in Paris while I was in school and really found that Parisians were generally very nice (had an experience a bit like yours, I was at the train station at the airport, clearly looking confused, and a random person came up and asked if he could help).

Wow, that really was a delightful thought and action from her. I'll bet you're on Cloud Nine right now! It does remind me, too, that I need to be on the lookout to practice random acts of kindness. The giver also is a receiver. One time my wife and I were in Paris, trying to figure out how to buy a ticket for the Metro (subway). I know French a bit, but I was stumped. Suddenly a lady walked up to us and handed us each a little paper thing, and just as quickly, departed. We looked at each other and said, "Maybe this is a ticket?" We slid it into the entry machine and, voila! We were in. Feeling mighty good too. Emma

Some of my guy friends are surprised when I tell them that I talk about sex with my mother. I definitely agree that mothers and daughters talk more freely about it. My mother is my best friend too:)))

Reading the replies for one reason or another reminded me of a moment last year after I told my best female friend about transitioning she would not only talk about female parts but openly show them too me and this has nothing to do with her coming on to me. She was the one who took my first vagina picture and after complimenting on it said I don't need to see it again laugh out loud. And you know full well that men generally don't compare their penises, maybe say something like it's this long but don't pull it out while it appears from my experiences females are a little different.

Bender does indeed rock! Benders always do ;-)

How did I miss those!

Interestingly, she has not talked to me further about it although yesterday I reached out to her via email to see if maybe she might need someone to share with. After all, it appeared to me that she was shaken up too, but maybe I was mistaken. This morning I had a one-on-one with my "regular therapist." I told him that I didn't feel that Susan's comment that I should try to get over it, and that Pamela isn't important in my life, isn't especially helpful. Interpreted in the worst way (which I don't believe she intended) it's kind of dismissive. I expect that this will be (or should be) a topic of conversation at our next group meeting, which is unfortunately four weeks from now. Not to talk about Pamela (she won't be back until August) but, I think, to hear about what was going on for Susan, and how we might have better handled the situation. No doubt it will happen again, somewhere, someplace. For me I need to try to remember that something as simple as "I don't appreciate being talked to in that way" is probably a great tool for me to keep handy on my Sam Browne. (Now, we'll see who of you know what I'm referring to!)

well today has been another day.... I mean what are we here for? to think the way we live is a choice---really the stupidest thing I have ever heard. I pluck my facial hair because I don't want stubble....let a man do that---lmbo----he would cry like--ironically a girl---- I live for me and refuse to live for whatever society thinks I should. I say once and forall deal with me world because I am real and I am here.

Hey Veronica, Great points, thank you. "The most important thing is how Emma feels about Emma." Indeed, Emma was nervous, and allowing herself to trust and be vulnerable, so sometimes that's what happens. But it takes vulnerability to grow. And honestly? I like feeling vulnerable. So I will do it more. "If you're 72, had surgery, and taking the measure of how you see yourself through the narrow prism of 'how well you pass'?" I think, Veronica, that's a wonderful observation. Evidently that's how she thinks, and well, I wish I'd thought to ask that of her at that moment! But I will say that it's too bad, and a bit sad, if that's the way she feels after going through so much. I've wondered before if she's lonely. Maybe that's why she attends these meetings. Thank you for your kind thoughts and comments. I appreciate you. Emma

Veronica, I recently bought this pair from Kohl's (hoping the link works) http://www.kohls.com/product/prd-1873288/nike-classic-cortez-womens-tennis-shoes.jsp?ci_mcc=ci&utm_campaign=WOMENS%20ATHLETIC%20SHOE&utm_medium=CSE&utm_source=bing&CID=shopping20&srccode=cii_328768002&cpncode=42-47636223-2

Your not alone, half of the week I am under dressed.

Hi Everyone, Thank you so much for such heartfelt and supportive comments. Sigh. I'm very lucky to have found you and to be part of this group. I love you all. I don't want to sound silly, but... Remember when Sally Field was accepting her award and said, "I guess you really do like me!" I feel like that now, thank you. (She is so sweet, I've always loved her. When she played The Flying Nun I was about ten years old and yeah, I wanted to be a nun too.) Yes, there is always someone like Pamela in every group. We all know that, we've all experienced it. I was just so surprised and caught off guard. And sure, allowing oneself to be off guard should be normal in a support group. I think that's the main point that I need to take away from this episode. It's okay to be myself and be vulnerable. But there are wolves in sheep's clothing everywhere we go and we need to watch out for them and try to be prepared. I hope you all have a wonderful Wednesday! Hopefully my new top/shirt will be ready to pick up at REI today. :-) Emma

I use the Flash-n-go myself. I have been using it everywhere except my face, but started doing that as well in the past month. It's too soon to know how effective it is on my face, but everywhere else it's been pretty effective. (I had started electrolysis previously, but that was too expensive after a few sessions)

"True Selves" by Mildred L. Brown and Chloe Ann Rounsley

"The most important thing is how well you pass as a woman." I think what I said in a post I wrote before is important here. Being authentically transgender isn't about reaching a supposed ideal (particularly an ideal founded in patriarchal cisheteronomativity), it is about becoming most authentically ourselves and the best versions of ourselves. The concept of 'passing' is problematic. Being transgender isn't about reaching a particular destination or goal that satisfies the requisite gatekeepers. Being transgender is a life-long journey about self discovery and we reach many destinations along the way that mean a variety of different things to different people. Love Charl -o0o-

I mentioned it a while back and happy it is of use to you.

So, I asked a friend (cis-woman) if we could do lunch on Saturday - just said for now there was something I wanted to talk about. I plan to "come out" to her as transgender. It feels a little anti-climactic, after all she already knows I cross-dress and not for fetish reasons. But, outside of my therapist she will be the first person to whom (yes, i'm trying to keep "whom" alive!) I will have self-identified as trans. To me I think the big thing, besides actually saying it out loud, is thinking about how to explain what it means in my life. She won't be judgmental at all, she's awesome and totally supportive of pretty much everything, but it is a conversation and I'm sure she'll ask follow-up questions. Luckily i'm off work tomorrow, so I have time to think On another front, I fully merged my wardrobe tonight - I no longer own "mens" clothes and "womens" clothes, I just own "my" clothes. Hope all of the Christians out there have a lovely Good Friday, and happy Passover to all Jewish members! And a belated Blessed Ostara to any other Wiccans in the room!