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I recently created a new thread, a "re-posting," if you will, of a commentary from advocate.com on air travel and being transgender. As usual, when I'm not sure what all has already been posted here, I did a search on the subject first. I knew we had a few threads on the topic...I didn't realize how many, though. And really, I think there are probably more than what I found, and there are probably a few brief discussions in threads that don't even have anything to do with air travel and the TSA. After I posted the it occurred to me that, while I've gotten a few questionable looks from TSA agents, and even a few looks that appeared to be out-and-out disapproval or disgust, I've suffered only one pat-down. That pat-down was a result of one of those random things carried out while standing in line waiting to go through the metal detectors and having your bags run through the x-ray machines. It was shortly after "9-11" and at that time - I was dressing somewhat androgynous-leaning-toward-male, but I bent over backwards to act female. The disconnect between body and soul made any unwanted attention very uncomfortable. Prior to more and more airports rolling out the body scanners and after I dispensed with all female attire, I used to go to the airport packing - I didn't want a TSA agent pulling my packy out of my carry-on for everyone to see, and in their usual disrepectful and insensative manner, manhandle it, and pass it back and forth, and discuss it, and then question me about it. At the time, I had no reason to be concerned about my binder. After hearing about body scanners being installed in more and more airports, I began to get concerned that if my packy was spotted in a scan, I'd get pulled outta line and questioned, and possibly even asked to show it to them. I definitely was not ready for that and began stowing Frankenstein in my checked luggage, neatly packaged and with an accompanying note asking that if he was found that he be handled with a little respect. My days of flying were dwindling - the thought of having to go through a body scanner was very distressing, and no doubt became the main reason for the anxiety attacks I would suffer the closer it came to time to fly. It got to the point that the fear of being herded through a scanner over-shadowed my great dislike for flying. Still, I had not given any thought to my binder. Finally, I ended up making a trip with my mother. I would have driven, but the woman tricked me and I ended up having to fly. On the return trip, I found myself having to go through a body scanner for the first time - I had dodged them up to now, but my luck had finally run out. I was not a happy camper, but I felt I had no choice but to go into that damn legal Peeping Tom. I knew if I refused, I'd have my Mother on my heels demanding to know why I couldn't just do like everyone else, and telling me to stop acting silly and go on. I knew between her yammering at me, and TSA possibly dragging me out of line, it would not have been a good scene. This, I knew, would only worsen my anxiety and bring more unwanted attention. So I stepped in, and unceremoniously spread my feet and raised my hands in the air (as if I were about to get felt up by a cop, and then cuffed) so I could be scanned. Meanwhile, I'm looking the agent doing the scanning dead in the eye. What happened to the agent can't see you and you can't see the agent?? After I got home, I realized that they could have pulled me out of line if they had wanted to. Personally, I don't know why they didn't. No, I wasn't packing - Frankie was in my checked bag. But I sew two panels into my binders that enable me to have even more control over my chest (to avoid the notorious "uniboob" experienced in some binders). I'm fairly sure that these squares of material could probably be seen even if as nothing more than shadows. So, once again, despite having finally been caught by a body scanner (sounds like a movie, eh? "Invasion of the Body Scanners"), Lady Luck was still with me. Maybe not right by my side...but she was there. Perhaps I should offer up some kinda blood sacrafice, or promise my 1st born to a monestary somewhere in the far east to guarantee she stays with me. That is...just in case I ever have to fly again.

I know this is nothing to laugh about, but I really get a kick out of it. I just hope my luck doesn't ever run out, and some woman (or girl) goes screaming to someone that there's a man in the women's bathroom. Despite the occasional amusement, though, I try to avoid public rest rooms - especially when they are divided by the sexes. The aversion began a few years ago after I retired, when several factors all came into play in a short amount of time. When I was still working, I didn't pay it too much attention. Though I was dressed just like my co-workers (all male), I dismissed the occasional "mis"identification by girls and women in the bathrooms. It would make me inwardly grin that I scared the crap outta some girl thinking she had walked into the wrong bathroom, or startled a woman thinking a man had just walked into the women's room. But I knew that if anyone ever made a fuss...everything could and would be easily settled. But by the time I retired, I had pretty much weaned off everything that came out of the women's department - men's attire was no longer just something I wore for work. I began binding daily - even outside of the house. So by then, even though I wasn't wearing a ballcap everyday, the flat chest and men's clothing was enough for many to dismiss me as male. I also began packing regularly - even outside of the house. But that was for my own comfort. I don't wear my shirts tucked in, so no one sees the package. I'm sure that would definitely get me in trouble. Anyway, today...I had to go to the bathroom. This cold has me blowing my nose every so often, and I don't like blowing my nose sitting at a table in a restaurant. So, reluctantly, I headed to the restroom. When I walked through the door, there was a woman who was just finishing drying her hands. She looked at me and smiled. But then I could see it in her eyes, and that sudden, almost imperceptible tensing of her body. Nearly simultaneously, her eyes darted up to the symbol on the door before I let it go. Was she trying to telepathically tell me, "you're in the wrong bathroom." Or had she been suddenly beset with a fear that it was she who was in the wrong bathroom? I stepped into one of the stalls to blow my nose. While in there, I heard a couple of women come in. One went in a stall, the other was obviously just the tag-along. They were chattering about some kind of eye make-up. I came out of the stall and went to reach for some paper towels. The tag-along smiled and spoke, I spoke, and then said, "excuse me," as she was standing in front of the towel dispenser. The smile disappeared, and in that short space of time, the tag-along's demeanor seemed to change. I tucked the towels under my chin, got a squirt of soap, flicked the faucet on and began to wash my hands. The woman in the stall came out and over to the sink. The tag-along took that opportunity to cross to the other side of the counter and she said something to the other woman. The woman glanced first at the mirror, not at herself, but at me. And then she quickly turned her head to look directly at me, but only for a second. I never looked at her, however, I could tell I seemed to be the subject of whatever was going on, or rather, whatever had been said. I left the bathroom rather pleased with myself for having freaked out three women in the space of five minutes. But the funny thing is...they had no clue that I was perhaps more freaked out than they were, for the simple reason that I had to even be in that room to begin with.

While I was sitting at home-.. Enjoying a cup of coffee and having an online conversation with a friend of mine who're also a transgender person. Just chatting about clothes, make-up and everything between heaven and earth, suddenly like a lightning struck my mind is filled with doubt. Am I really a girl deep inside? Am I just having a gender identifying crises? Can I really live with myself if I start my transformation? Or am I just going crazy? Most of the time I feel confident that I was supposed to be a girl, other times the thought makes me sick.. And then I can't help to wonder-.. Am I really a girl? Reason why I don't think I'm a girl: 1. I was born and raised as a boy, and never thought too much about my gender. 2. I lived my teenage years hanging with mostly boys, acting boysih. 3. I am a cold person, and I am not so much in contact with my feelings. ( Or atleast I want to believe that.) 4. I keep getting these huge doubt/guilty feelings once in a while. 5. I have not, and do not act "Girlish". Reason I am a girl: 1. It feels right when the doubt or guilt don't strike me. 2. I've never been interested in most boy stuff, football, cars, sports generaly. 3. I do remember some incidence from my childhood, and teenage years where I asked myself ( Why am I not a girl?) 4. I love girls clothing I feel like a huge weight disappears from my shoulders when I wear girl's clothing 6. I have always felt more comfortable being with girls. 7. I view myself as a girl in my mind, when I think forward, I see myself as a girl. 8. The thought of being a girl makes me happy. 9. I like to believe my mind IS a girls. AND THIS IS WHY I AM CONFUSED. I don't want to be a boy, but I feel sick every time I start to think about taken the next "step", confronting my family.. It all makes it seem to much easier to just-.. Keep being a boy.. Since I lived twenty years as a boy. It'd save me a lot of pressure, confronting.. But it also makes me sad thinking about not pursuing my dream.. I couldn't think of anything else that would make me as happy, as finally living in the big city.. As a girl. But yet I have these thoughts of remorse. And why do I have them, they're stupid, annoying and useless as ****.. But Yet they keep coming up.. I keep wondering if I'm trying to force myself into being a girl, but in reality I'm just a very confused boy? I didn't grow up as a girl, frankly if I ever said I wanted a dress I'm sure my dad would have beated me half dead. I never knew you could become a girl, I had the thought, but I didn't pursue it, and I didn't question my gender. I was born a boy, so I must be a boy? Writing this helped a bit-.. I'm very confused once this feeling of guilt and doubt hits me. Have a great day

My daughter has decided to be closer to family so she is moving back to Oregon from Pennsylvania next April. She is waiting because she is due to deliver a girl in September. She called me last week and asked what she should do with her car which is two years old. I said her options where to sell the car or have me fly out and drive her car to Oregon. So it looks like I will be flying into Pennsylvania next April to do just that, drive her car across country to Portland Oregon. Back in 2000 I was supposed to attend a week long training in Washington State but messed up my thumb and had to skip that year. The class was not being offered on the West Coast for years so I decided to find the class where it would be in 2001 which was New Hampshire and since I had lots of gear would drive across country. I made the trip in an amazing four days. Now I am 15 years older and believe I can make the trip in five days. My plan like in 2001 thru 2004 (yes I did this for three years in a row) is to drive, sleep in the car and keep moving. I will bring a pack of five hour energy for times when I want to pull over and sleep but not convenient to pull over. Unlike last time I am not opposed to staying in a hotel if the need arises. So last night while talking with my mother she said I need to be careful as there are men who watch for females driving alone. I came back without hesitation saying that I can handle myself no problem with my training and will have weapon with me. What is really going to be much better is having my GPS. All my other trips was by writing down directions on a notepad along with bringing a paper map for all but the last trip where I used a National Geographic map program which was not much better than paper maps. If anyone here is between the two coast that might be in my path I would love to stop for a short visit if open to it.

Unfortunately Jersey City is not in the path! that's such a nice thing you're doing for her

"True Trans Laura Jane Grace" http://on.aol.com/show/true-trans-518250660.288/518451031 I found this woman’s story well worth sharing. Below are some pieces I thought say volumes without explanation for this audience. Laura Jane Grace has a large fan base in regards to her music. Amazing, simply amazing stories told here. I was so touched by these stories, my emotions overwhelmed me. Misalignment, Struggles, Turns into shame. Parents would disown me, Try to lock me away, Turn to alcohol and drugs, Devastating, there are others who feel this way?, Depressed, Hated life, Suicide, Disassociate, Punk rock, smashing gender roles, No internet, no Google, no resources, information is key, did not talk to therapist in sessions for two months, 41 percent of trans attempt suicide, push it away, not want to be me, push it down…avoid it, nothing is more important than be comfortable in your own skin, someone save me, my soul is lost, hard to get across to people who have no clue what trans is, alone, “it’s like someone was holding my head underwater, transitioning was my head popping up out of the water”, my therapist saved my life, there is no road map, you have to do your own pace, genitals make you who you are ‘bullshit’, trans-women give up privilege, trans-man gain privilege, lots has changed in the past two years, we need to educate people, there is only a seven percent chance a spouse will stay,

Karen, Watched the video three or four times! Beg EVERYONE, in particular for young people, and I guarantee everyone will resonate with it! Thank you, Karen, for bringing this excellent video to our attention! Monica

I sometimes think that somethings get lost between the boards of US and UK English, but just for the record, I do know that magic isn't real, and that magic pills don't exist Maybe this is why I had difficulty when I had my first computer, and I was totally lost, trying to comprehend what Windows 95 menus actually meant in reality? However the gaps between the planks seem to be getting narrower as time passes............... Hugs from within the tower of babel, Eve

What I said was if there was "anti-trans" pill , when this all started for me last year I would have taken it in a heartbeat. But today there's noway you could make to take one. There is no way you could force it down my throat. Hugs, Dawn

Monica, I'm not sef medicating that's past history told honestly & my wife has got an open mind, she's learned a lot and is a senior Doctor. Just because I did foolish things, there is no expectation on my part that others should or will follow. Eve

LOL, yes Monica, of course I was joking, Dawn referred to a magic pill that could un-trans her! Eve x

At the end of the day, you need to do what makes you happy in the moment! I sat on my transition for many years, mostly out of fear on how my family would react. There is no rush to transition and you will know when the time is right to pursue the next step. If it's meant to be, you will make it happen. You will find a way to make it happen.

I can't say I agree with body scanners or TSA pat downs, I've only been through one. What I can say is this, yes they talk about you, at that moment and maybe for that shift, possibly even after they get home. Then they forget about you and go about the next day's work. How do I know this? Simple. I used to work in the E.R. where we would see dozens of different people a shift. Some were very unique and we'd talk about them to others. Sometimes to poke fun, other times to learn about what makes them tick, so to speak. One particular pt. was a very large transgender lady. I had the oppertunity to take care of her on a couple of occasions and was given information about her as a person. She was frequent to our Hospital and was always treated with respect. How does this relate to the TSA? They see so many people a day, you have to be so unique before they'll remember you. Otherwise, it's only last for a day or two then you are replaced by someone else. It really is that simple. Do some take it to extremes, yes they do and they should be re-educated on how to be professional and to treat people with dignity, but remember they work for the federal government, enough said. So don't let flying and the TSA scare you, they like that it gives them power. When I was scanned I was wearing a sports bra and my nipple rings, I got an additional pat down, then sent on my way, no big deal. Another tip, do not make eye contact, if you do, look serious, it works for me

I have been struggling with the bathroom issue as well. At work, I have no problem using the mens room. I feel safe and comfortable there. But I haven't been able to use a public mens room yet. I make sure I use my bathroom before I head out for dinner or any other activity and I try to monitor what i drink so the urge to pee never gets urgent enough to HAVE to go. My trans buddies say I should do it. Use the mens room. It is so scary though. I know one day I will have to actually go into a public mens room. Just not any day soon.