Leaderboard

I agree with Monica, go at least five or six time to make an informed decision whether the group is worth attending or not. I would had been surprised if the Jenner topic did not come up.

So 3 updates as another week comes to an end... I met yesterday with our Dean and Associate Dean - it was a very positive, encouraging meeting. They proposed how to handle communicating my transition to my new name (and transition generally) to a broader audience (the students I work with directly, and then a general communication to the entire school which wouldn't identify me directly but would discuss the school's policies, etc. re transgender faculty/staff/students). They also made it clear that updating my email address wouldn't be an issue (officially there is a policy that it has to incorporate you legal first name). I also found out that our dean was one of the original drafters of the NYC administrative policy regarding TG employees (he was formerly chief counsel to Mayor Bloomberg). So he's kind of familiar with these matters! The Stonewall Girls meetup was last night, and this time I decided to go "as is." I usually would go home and get more en femme (wig, skirt, etc.), but now that feels too much like wearing a costume. It is an attempt to present as a woman, but not necessarily as me. It ended up being beneficial because it gave me a better sense of where exactly I am in terms of presentation. In the rest of the world the noticeable thing is that I'm doing feminine things with my look, but in a TG/CD group it's more noticeable that I still look partly like a guy. (It was described by one person there as "in between"). So I can use those meetups (every Thursday) as one way to gauge my progress, simply by committing to going "as me." Finally, and MOST important - my hair worked today I curled it this morning so that it would curl in towards the bottom, usually the wind blow is it out on my way in to work, but today it held!

Well ok you have, Caitlin Jenner in the US, and doesn't she look great on the cover of Vanity?. Here in the UK we have Kellie Maloney, formerly Frank Maloney, boxing promoter, managed Lennox Lewis amongst others, who has transitioned at the age of 60, that's what I call a really brave thing to do, of course it wasn't a choice, like most trans she could only resist being herself for so long, she has appeared on TV in rubbish dross shows such as Big Brother (reality show), but these are shows that the masses watch, and so it helps to normalise being trans in the minds of those who find it difficult to think for themselves. Kellie has freely admitted that her life was better after appearing in the show, than was previously the case. These Celebrity Trans actually do a huge favour for the rest of us, in helping to develop a "so you're trans - so what?" attitude to us, amongst the sheep-like masses out there. Of course there will be some who would already have had a "oh really? wow, when did you.......etc" questioning and interest attitude to us, I hope that more will behave in such a manner. Personally I don't agree with Kellie and her politics (UKIP), but from what I have seen, I admire her achievement, and determination to be who she wants be, she is a lady who believes in herself & that's good enough for me. Thanks Kellie, bless you, Eve x

Had one of those elevator discussions today, was waiting for the elevator and two female co-workers asked me what I thought about C Jenner, got that over with and then spilled over to “it’s a man’s world” which slid into my story of how after over ten years teaching firearm, impact and edge weapon self-defense that the main source of teaching dried up because of my transitioning. I also told them that perhaps in the back of my mind (and they agreed) I needed to teach and continually train because after transitioning it might take a down turn, which as I just mentioned it has. That is no different than many trans people who give up so much more and I feel fortunate that this is the only thing in my transitioned that suffered. With that, giving up teaching self-defense over more than a decade has left a huge hole in my world so I did indeed gave up a good deal. I have been thinking over the past few months once I am fully recovered it will be time to look at putting together a DVD teaching the basics of self-defense targeting the softer gender against the more powerful gender. Many instructors teach to the mass, meaning more to male vs male and only partly for females being attacked by males. My bet this has not been widely done but do know of three or four female instructors that teach this yet you need to be in training at their dojo and pay big bucks. My strategy is to look into a no frills approach which shows several common attacks and how to defend against them that does not rely on strength but instead body mechanics. Show the attack, dissect the attack and show in slow motion several times then at close to full speed how to counter the attack. Another idea I have is to take this on the road, perhaps get people in different states to ask their support groups if they would sponsor an eight hour class which would be low cost if I can get someone to host me for my stay and feed me. This way everyone benefits. The majority of techniques taught will be empty hand and will introduce people to the use of small flashlights and tactical pens to supplement their defense. For those who use a cane I am well versed in teaching self-defense with a cane. Note, besides the elevator chit-chat I received a new tactical pen manufactured by a fellow instructor I met back around 2004 in Florida during a master instructor week long class. Tactical pens are great tools for self-defense. One can pick up one on the low-end for about twenty-five dollars while mine generally are range from just under one-hundred to close to two-hundred dollars but the average person need not spend that kind of money for a good tactical pen. Also, tactical flashlights are great too for self-defense and in my honest opinion one should never leave home without a flashlight after dark which is something I discuss when teaching. Bottom line, scumbags despise the light, they enjoy preying on the weak and the innocent from the dark, they don’t want to be seen so I say “light them up”. Note, I can not stress enough that having a tool with little training doubles your chances of escaping an attack. For me (and I have done this) I use them for defense, compliance and restraint. Once you see me with a simple pen against a large attacker and what can be done it generally inspires students with greater confidence. Some of my tactical pens and flashlights. Top pen is one I show for what not to carry as it has a point that can stab and we want not to stab but to hit places were skin is close to bone. Next two are my favorite, the second from top runs about $80 while the third from top is about $300. Fourth one down is about $25 and works great. Fifth down from the top I just got in the mail today runs $125. Last item is a flashlight which I carry 24/7 for both illumination and defense. On the right is a flashlight I carry when wearing a jacket and have a second one next to my bed.

Karen, Would love to see you make a DVD for women and the disabled about empty hand and cane self-defense. Also, I am really into prevention so that an attack never happens! Monica

I went to a TG support group at the LGBT Center here in Manhattan last night. They meet the first Wednesday of each month (there are 2 groups, 1 for transwomen and 1 for transmen). I'm hoping that the way it went last night is not typical of the group. We (actually "they," I was pretty quiet) spent the entire 90 minutes talking about Caitlyn Jenner. I'm hoping it's just because it was such a big story, and that the group isn't just a current events discussion group. I was really hoping for an actual "support" group after all. I'll definitely go again next month, and in the meantime there was 1 person there who I already knew (from the Thursday night Stonewall group), so I might get together with her sometime and can find out more about the group (she's been going for about a year). On another front - I'm meeting today with the Dean and Associate Dean of the school where I work, they wanted to meet to talk about how they can help with my transition. I obviously have nothing to compare to, but I feel really great about the support that I've been getting here! It almost makes me feel bad that I was looking for a new job .

Eve, There is a group that meets every Thursday night at the Stonewall Bar. It's for trans people, cross-dressers, etc. It's a great group, but it is purely social so there isn't much deep discussion. xoxo Christie

So True Karen........

You know come to think of it after reading Brigsby's comment (which must have been posted whilst I was typing), the first time I went to Outskirts I came away dissapointed, and yes, after the 3rd visit I went every Monday it was on it was great !.................

The description of the group does make it clear that it's a support group, so I do think this was probably an exception. They still could have limited that part of the discussion, there was a lot of repetition. My job search was mostly based on money, but that's gotten a little better recently thanks to a mortgage refinancing. (Of course electrolysis is taking up most of that saving)

Hi Christie, Is that the only TG support group / meeting place in New York? Are there any Trans freindly bars / restaurants where Trans people go to? I ask because here in Birmingham we have something called Outskirts which is a group where people across the Trans spectrum meet every 1st and 3rd Monday evening per month, at a bar called the Equater Bar in Hurst Street. It' sort of starts 7:30 ish and continues through to late (sort of after 23:00 ish). Theres usually 20 to 30 of us who meet and talk and help newcomers who are mostly fresh out of the closet, or cross dressers who want to transition and want advice. I'd be amazed if B'ham UK is the only place where this happens, please let me know if there isn't a place like this in New York somewhere. Ask your friend. Going to Outskirts helped me so much to get where I am now with my transition, in fact I'm pretty sure I couldn't have done it at all without going there....... Glad that all is going well at work for you. Eve

I feel bad that the support group you went to wasn't what you thought it might be. I really know that feeling, and the disappointment! But I would keep going for at least two - three more times to get a real feel for the atmosphere. It really isn't often that someone famous shocks the world with their new (to the world) look and name. It's great to hear that your work is being supportive. I didn't know you were looking for another job, but I hope you don't have to anymore!

the best part of the support groups I have attended over the years has been the connections I have made with others in my situation and can relate too. It is a wonderful feeling to be in a room of ppl that accept you as you are and have real conversations about life. Sure understand your feelings and encourage it with those of you afraid to try it

Yes changes will be small but are cumulative over time they add up to big changes that one day you will look at old pictures and see two different people, a male in one, a female in the other

I think people get wrapped up in the fact that she is financially independent and well off. That she does not face the same struggles as the rest of us. But while most of us are able to transition in relative anonymity, Bruce now Caitlyn cannot. I'll bet, if she wasn't so famous and an Olympic hero to many, she would have transitioned years ago. But she did not. She lived in a personal prison. Not wanting to disappoint millions of Americans and people around the world. Can you imagine that? Here I am worried about disappointing my mom, sister, wife ... and she has this burden her whole life that none of us could imagine. I am proud of her! Growing up, Bruce Jenner was a hero to me. Caitlyn Jenner still is that Olympic hero. That being said, some of the Vanity Fair shots were highly sexualized. Maybe I am sensitive to it because I am trans* or because Caitlyn (and I) am older. I just worry for other older trans* women, like myself, that the "bar" has been set high. I am a very self-critical person, but I worry that I and others will be measured by cisgender people who see this. We don't have infinite amounts of money or free time to look that good. (Lol! Don't we wish!) So it is somewhat a false reality. Though, it is no different then the reality that women face who see advertising "pump out" sexualized images on a daily basis. Anyways, I am "net-positive" about all of this. When I saw the pictures, I had the same reaction, "WOW! I cannot believe that used to be Bruce Jenner. She looks incredible!"

I completely agree! I've heard too many people saying she's not a hero - heroism comes in many forms.

I must agree, any good - no non negative press regarding transgender has to be good, let's face it, the sheep like masses out there, always seem to look up to the rich & famous, so it helps to normalise the whole spectrum of Trans isssues. Think Elton John & being openly gay is such a similar parallel. Here in the UK we were only aware of Bruce Jenner when she had all that nasty invasive press coverage, It's refreshing to see the balance of coverage start to go in the other direction, and of course I'm glad that her life is seemingly turning out to be better. Cheers, Eve

Warren, I read this over the weekend, but being on my phone I didn't want to try to reply (takes too long to type on there). You certainly do have a lot going on, but it sounds like things are at least moving in a positive direction which is great! It's sad that the level of support you get from various places can depend so much on the specific person who is helping (or not!) you, but I guess that's reality everywhere. It would be nice if people could just do their job! But fortunately you found someone finally who does! I'm looking forward to seeing your YouTube channel! I'll subscribe right away when it's ready xoxo Christie

Good morning everyone! First a few updates. Today, in addition to the little make-up touches I've been adding over the last few weeks, I did my eyebrows and am using lipstick (and lip gloss), and wearing a cute new necklace I bought over the weekend. A picture from this morning is below. I did get a "sir" at 7-11 today, but I'm ok with that, he knows me (I stop there regularly on the way to work), and he was looking strangely at me after that (a mix of confused and amused, or something like that). I've also decided to start using Christie at work (I might segue to it by having "Christie" in my signature line but signing off as "Chris." I just have to decide who I should "announce" that to and how, as opposed to those for whom i'll just start doing that. I also "came out" to my tennis group, and when I got my NYC tennis permit on Saturday it has Christie on it (they didn't even question it). Over the weekend, taking up on Karen's suggestion in one of her recent blog entries, I spent some time down by the Hudson River (on the pier off of Christopher Street). It's one of my favorite spots, and an area where I almost always feel at peace (perhaps in part because of my personal technology ban when I'm there). I started with the question she suggested, do I have any hesitations about starting HRT? (by way of background, I haven't actually decided to start HRT, but I do have an appointment with an endocrinologist on June 20 to discuss it). My initial gut response to it was "no, but perhaps some doubt." To me this makes some sense as I doubt that people are often 100% certain that it's the right thing, at least until you start it. There are no doubt some who are, but not everyone. I then explored those doubts - which I've done before, but a new strain of doubts revealed themselves this time around. That is that I feel like I've often made very bad decisions (and not everyday decisions, but more "life changing" ones - I mean, everyone makes bad decisions). So I spent a little time thinking about what they were, and then why I think I made them (after figuring out if they really were that bad). I won't go into detail about what those specific decisions were, but a through-line for them is that I simply hadn't thought sufficiently about the consequences. In one case (deciding to go to law school), the decision itself could have been ok if I had thought more about what I was going to do with it. In an earlier decision, the decision to not go directly to college after high school, I know that I was thinking too short-term. At that time I was living at home, and making decent money (relative to my pretty insignificant expenses), and I didn't want to give that up. So I sacrificed the long-term for the short-term. That brings me back to transitioning generally and HRT specifically. I take great comfort in knowing that (1) I am looking a lot at what it means, and what is likely or possible to happen, (2) I'm discussing it in depth with a gender therapist, (3) I'm going to talk to a doctor about the implications, and (4) I'm discussing it here and getting feedback So perhaps I will at some point feel 100% certain that it's right, or maybe I'll feel 95% certain and decide that's good enough. Either way I've got some time. Probably the big take-away from my thinking and writing this weekend is that I can't make any decision based on fear. I have to know that I want it, and fully understand (as much as possible) the consequences. xoxo Christie

So far I'm just doing this unofficially, I haven't started any legal name change yet - that will be daunting, but worthwhile I'm going to "live with" this for a while and see how it feels before taking that step (since it involves a legal proceeding)

I'm very happy for you Christie, hope it doesn't get too "full on" with your name change and doc's, it really did for me in December and January. Others have said they had an easy time of it, hope that'll be the case for you. Not sure of how it works in the US, but I pretty immediately had to change my name at HMRC (Income tax) too. If you drive whilst at work you will probably need to change your licence too? and so it goes on.......... Hugs, Eve

Eve and Karen, I do need to work on the hair - my current hair style is more feminine than what I used to have, but I'm not quite as good at getting it right as my stylist is Ideally it should sweep across and down, diagonally covering much of the forehead. I'll definitely get more alone time, especially now that summer is approaching! I typically spend a lot of time by the river when the weather is nice enough. And i always have a notebook with me, I know that writing out my thoughts helps me move past the initial thought and explore more deeply. Yesterday I initiated the change in my name at work. I told both of my supervisors, human resources, and a bunch of other staff members who i work regularly with. I knew I was going to, but hadn't really anticipated the level of anxiety it would cause during the day! On top of "upping" my make-up (adding lipstick and eyebrows), it was an interesting day. Fortunately I got a lot of very positive feedback from co-workers, so the day ended very very well xoxo Christie

Christie, My honest opinion is when I first looked at your picture I saw FEMALE staring back at me, no doubt in my mind. Now with that said I have to agree with Eve in that you need to fashion your hair in the front one way or another to complete the look. Perhaps next weekend if time and money allow with a comfort level go to a hair stylist, tell them about yourself and ask "what can you do with my hair to give it a female look?" My guess is, again as Eve indicated to drop the hair to cover your forehead. Get the right hair stylist and I truly believe afterwards people seeing you in public will not see a male but a female. And I will say it again, all I see is female On the note about alone time, sounds like it got some results be in positive or negative and remember one time is not enough, find time again and ask yourself these questions again and any new ones. You even might consider writing them down and your responses to the questions so that you can go back to them again and also bring them with you to a therapist appointment for a discussion point or two.

Hair that drops forward to cover the forehead! See my gallery and me in the restaurant in purple. You've already seen me in my black dress and pearls, see my hair - well my wig anyway! Eve xoxo

Eve, It doesn't sound off-putting at all, it sounds appropriately cautionary! I do at moments feel very excited to move forward, but for the most part I'm able to control that (and fortunately there is some wait built into the process). What's a fringe? xoxo Christie

Hi Christie, Hey everyones different..............but who hasn't ever made a bad decision in their lives............? As long as you realise that it's going to be you for the rest of your life, (after taking oestrogen for a period of time at any rate it becomes pretty much irreversable and testosterone blockers seem to be pretty permanent too), and you're happy with that fine. I can't put my hand on my heart and say that I was 100% sure either. I know that for me I'm happier now than when I was fully male, but that doesn't mean that it'll be the same for everyone. The point is to have given it a lot of thought, you are no doubt aware that breasrs will grow, your skin will soften somewhat and muscles will lessen, your face will become a little more femme, and weight redistributes. But also it is very easy to put on weight when taking estrogen. Both Karen Payne and myself have posted entries about thinking it through, because we don't want to be adverts for transition to people who suddenly find out they don't like what has ensued. That being said, and me being impulsive (some would say impatient too), I actually started hormones and remained "part time" living in dual genders, I managed to do this by wearing a gynecomastia vest to conceal my boobs, sounds a strange thing to do I know, but it gave time for my face to feminise a bit and also time to practice being female, at that time I referred to myself as being gender nutral or an "inbetweenie". It was me testing the water really bit by bit. So there's not just one occasion when you might think 100% positive about hormones and go do it, I'd say it's a lot more realistic to be thinking 90 odd percent positive over a longer period of time, whilst at the same time getting expert opinions and advice before doing it. Isn't life a balancing act?, so think of all the pros and cons. And then if you do take hormone treatment, be prepared for it to be a little different to wandering around in drag or cross dressed, I find it many times better...............because it's me. So could it be the same for you, is it the same for you, only you can answer that, but be honest with yourself and don't blame me if you don't like it................... Sorry if this sounds a bit off-putting, but it's a very large step to take. Cheers, Eve. P.S. You have a pretty femme face already but try a fringe, I think you'll find it'll make a huge difference, I too was given this advice over a year ago, and it did make a huge difference to me.....

Hi, last year June 30th I was involved in a road traffic accident (RTA) where as I was overtaking another slow moving vehicle when it suddenly turned right and smashed into the side of my car. I was travelling at 60mph and had to swerve at the last minute to the right hand verge, but still the other vehicle hit me and subsequently careered across a driveway and narrowly missed hitting a brick wall, I was shaken up, stopped as soon as I could safely, and walked back to exchange details. I was still presenting as male at that time and so offered 50 / 50 and 70 / 30 settlements in favour of the other driver but she refused, and insisted on going to court with the case. These offers were made because I was scared of going to court and being asked awkward questions about transitioning, and being belittled. I shouldn't have worried, today (Wednesday 13th May 2015) in Birmingham County Court the judge found in favour of me, and no remarks about transgendering were made at all, by anyone present. I can't tell you how relieved I am, after having this hanging over me for almost a year, but the silver lining to the dark cloud is that it has boosted my confidence no end.............I AM EVE ! .........and I believe in myself more and more. I have posted about believing in yourself before, and it takes me back to my diving days when I was hooked on Technical Diving, one of the experienced divers (Tom Mount?) who published books about it, had said that mental preparation was of paramount importance, and stated "believe you can or believe you can't, you're right either way........ How true, I believe I can and I believe In myself. Anyway it's off to Brighton at the end of the week for a whole week, with the caravan of course and all that entails (usually broken nails! - a realistic belief !) The Brighton Festival is on, which is a little arty and touchy feely at times, but one of the shows that my wife has booked is the Joey Arias Experience, whom I believe is a NYC vocalist who is also in drag, I'm quite looking forward to it. Between now and then I have to attend face torture (electrolysis) tomorrow, and whats left of my nails re-gelling on Friday. How I love going away on hols............... Cheers, hugs and a peck on the cheek, Eve

I just need to be mindful of what she is going through and her feelings on this. I need to move forward, but certainly I don't want to make her mad. We work so well together as a couple. We really are a great team. Over the last 15 years, our relationship has been a lot of work and sacrifice. I respect her so much. Unfortunately, things do change. I know that I have changed over the last 3 years. For the better I think, but she has grown more distant with me. It's not good. I've had several friends go through separation and divorce. At some point, I may get a sledgehammer between the eyes. I hope not. Because we are both better off working together than apart.

Whilst on my Dutch holiday, I decided to show our hosts the gentle British art of spoon hanging...................of course they also tried & quite successfully. Who knows this might catch on as a cult craze......... I find such nonsense amusing, must be sometnig to with having a small mental capacity, little things amuse little minds....................... Cheers , Eve

Hi Eve. I agree with you, and want to say how lucky you are, for your wife, friends, and you're being yourself. I admire you and love your smile in your photos. I can tell that you're really having a blast! Emma

Hi emma, The lady in the leopard spotted fleece is my wife, she's just the best person on earth......................We had a wine guzzling party here last night with 4 of my trans friends and two of their wives, must try out cork spitting, sounds as if it could be fun. Fun doesn't have stop jusy because we age.............. Cheers, Eve

Hahaha! Reminds me of the time when I was just out of college. My roommate and I decided to see what it was like to have a "wine tasting" party. We bought several bottles of different wines, invited friends over (also about 23-24 years old) and the party ended up with us figuring out who could spit the corks the farthest in the room! Ah, those were the fun days... Emma