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Dear Warren Esquire, Really glad your life is changing direction in a way that YOU wanted it to, I hope your new job goes well. Cheers, Eve

WTG.

I've just moved back home after being away living at my parents' house for 10 weeks following separation from my girlfriend of 8 years. Early this year and following a long, gradual "sink down" into this bad unhealthy relationship I decided to take a "deep dive" look into that whirlwind of crazy thoughts in my head and to my horror (or so I thought at the time), discovered what is gender dysphoria. I immediately recognized myself. That led me to spend the next four months locked up in my recording studio downstairs, smoking excessive amounts of hash and watching crazy shit on the web while trying to numb myself as much as possible, somehow hoping this dysphoria thing would magically go away...yeah that really worked! Finally in April, getting really scared I would trigger another downward spiral into other drugs or alcoholism (I have not drank since 2000) so I looked for and luckily found a clinical psychologist who specializes in Trans people like us and through several long emails and one telephone conversation, helped me realize I had to make this real and move forward with my transition. That led me to have a complete emotional breakdown and I left two days later. Since my ex has deep long term personality issues, a heavy drinking problem and always promised to work to help with bills but never did, leaving was easily justified without having to "out" myself. After a couple of weeks, I decided I would come out to my 17 year old step daughter Isabelle as she is the person who is closest to me. Her generation is amazing...she totally got it and was actually extremely happy I am doing this and willing to encourage and help me through my whole transition. My sister who is 4 and a half years younger than me was the second one I was going to tell. For the record I am 48. She is in psychology having gone back to school to earn her doctorate and will be finished before the end of this year. I met her at a Casey's restaurant in Ottawa and gave her the news. She was very compassionate about the whole thing, realizing her "brother" has been living with this "her" whole life. I do have to say it took her about a month and one visit to my own therapist to truly accept what I have and have to do... This has actually brought us much closer. My ex has left me an incredible mess as she was a clothes hoarder and when I stepped in the house a week before last Friday, I walked over to my couch, sat down and still couldn't help but get the biggest smile on my face and take in a feeling of incredible relief and liberation. Relieved by the fact that I could start living as myself for the first time in my life and liberated by the fact I could start anew on my own terms. I also knew I wouldn't be going through this alone. Shortly after leaving 10 weeks previous, Isabelle asked me if she could stay with me. I said yes since it was ok with her mom and asked her to come to one of my sessions with my therapist. This was important to me as I played a huge role in raising her and want to be there for her always. My therapist later congratulated me about us having such a healthy relationship and added I am lucky to have her with me during this difficult time... I am 6' tall and during the last year have lost 75 pounds by quitting wheat and closely monitoring my sugar intake. After moving back, I put all my clothes in bags except for the essentials I need for work and gave them away to charity... Shortly after having told Isabelle my little secret, she took me shopping at La Senza and I bought all new underwear having the plan to ditch all my boxers as soon as I returned home...I did that and it felt wonderful! Guess I have to start somewhere... My therapist has pointed me to a group which meets monthly which helps a lot and she also helped me find a new family doctor who has agreed to refer me to an endocrinologist for hormones asap. This doctor's appointment in on August 12th and I can't wait... My anxiety is through the roof... In closing this first of many blog entries, I want to say how grateful I am for having found this site and also how proud and priviliged I feel of having this community from which I am learning a lot and already feeling a lot of love and support... Thank you tgguide and I hope my entries will help others as much as reading this site has helped me so far... With love from Gatineau, Quebec... Roxanne

Roxanne, Congratulations on starting your transition! I'm also 48 years old (for another week anyway), and just started myself in the past few months (after a couple of years of cross-dressing without acknowledging being trans). It can be a challenge, but it's worth it for the emotional relief - as you mentioned! xoxo Christie

​I always write with zero preparation ahead of time when writing entries, they just flow out at the very minute I have an idea but always attempt to write a title that will attract attention to entice people to read what I have written. My goal always is to pass on what I think might benefit others, nothing more, nothing less. I am sure at some point I will have little to say (oh, my I have 150+ entries so far) and hope that others hear will be vocal and share their wisdom as each of us will tell different tales and there will be intersecting point which again help others who follow us. ​I suspect you still have much to offer At least I hope so! One of the great treasures of this website is being able to read about people who are at all different points in transitioning

Hi Veronica, Yes the lovely lady in the black leather jacket is my wife, the other two are my very close friends Louise and Emma, both fully transgendered, and lovely with it too. The pub (The Molly House) is a lot different from the others in Canal Street, which are quite brash, loud, in your face and serve lousy drinks! The Molly House is quiet and serves top quality drinks that are not easy to find in other pubs, it also has a Spanish flavour to it, it serves a lot of tappas of various kinds nad also serves Tequila with worms, I hasten to add that I chickened out of eating a worm, but I do love tequila, whisky, whiskey, gin & tonic, real cider ........hic..................hic quetila..............zzzzzzz Cheers, Eve

Happy Monday good people! On Friday I went and had my tests done for HRT. Assuming they all come through ok then I'm on my way, my next appointment with the endocrinologist is August 6 (though if they notify me before that that everything is ok I might try for an earlier appointment). My sense of peace and contentment grows by the minute! Currently it's just the possibility that something will come back negative on the tests that causes me any anxiety. Electrolyis is going wonderfully! I've had 6 or 7 sessions now, and the change is already very noticeable. When I shave in the morning there is so much less to shave! I think we're 4 or 5 sessions from doing the initial clearing. I had done some at-home laser before starting, so that might be making it go a little quicker. My electrologist also gave me a good pointer on working with my voice this past week, so I spent some time over the weekend practicing at home (it takes a little effort to not feel weird talking to myself, so I start out talking to the cat, because that's perfectly normal!) On Saturday I put on my new wig and decided to leave it on the rest of the day to start getting used to it. It was fine until I ate dinner. I hadn't pinned it at all, so that's when it started to slip off. I think put in a few bobby pins and that seems to secure it nicely. I'm going to try working with wig tape as well. I had planned to "unveil" myself as a woman on July 27 (the Monday after I'm off of work for a week), but electrolysis is making me think twice. I'm still at a point where I have to not shave a couple of days before each session, and I'm not sure how I feel about how I'd look wearing a wig with stubble. I'll play with that next week when I'm off and see. I do plan next week to wear the wig out as much as possible! xoxo Christie

Try epilating, I use a Braun silk epil, the results last longer than shaving and the regrowth is not spikey as it is when you shave. A little bit painful at first in some areas, notably upper inner thighs and arm pits, but after you've suffered the pain a couple of times it's a lot easier. i used to have a hairy chest, but the regrowth now is amazingly less and an epilation there lasts for 3 weeks or so, and is now very limited to the area between my boobs. Cheers Eve

Warren, that sounds great! Awesome news! It's amazing how if the gov't views us the way we are, the way we present and how we want to be, everything just falls into place. Thank you for being so strong and being such a fighter.

Thanks Karen this helps me to get the "ducks in line before shooting them", sometime in the future. Sexuality? I must confess that I'm becoming confused with the passing of time, in so much that, seemingly to me, my preferences are not so black and white as they used to be. I don't think that this anything that I either regret or applaud, it's just something that seems to be happening, I doubt that I'll ever do anything positive about it either, least not whilst I remain happily married. Cheers, Eve

Michele, We are all in transition, in many different ways, during our lifetime. It is called GROWTH. Also, we mature faster in some areas than in other areas. It is like a freshman high school student taking not only freshman classes, but also some sophomore, some junior and some senior classes. We are, indeed, a work in progress . . . Monica