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Bonjour toute le monde! As it's passed midnight it's now officially my birthday - 49 years old today (really at 12:39 pm). In prior years i've swung between not wanting to think about it being my birthday, to putting too much emphasis and really wanting to celebrate (which never worked our as planned). This year I feel content with doing whatever comes up and otherwise doing some introspection and planning. I might go down to the shore (the "beach" for those of you not from New Jersey). I went out on Tuesday night in my new wig, a "test run" if you will. I was really happy with how it looked, I just need to learn how to secure it better. I probably won't start wearing it full time until i'm further along with electrolysis. this next thing is pretty intangible, and u think much of my introspection/planning today will be on this point - this is partly about presentation, but I also know that I need to stop thinking about "becoming" a woman and instead recognize that I am a woman and living as such. I noticed on tuesday and on the train tonight that I no longer feel connected to gay men. Not that i'm ditching all of my relationships, but I don't feel connected to the "community" anymore, which makes me want to feel more connected to the straight (or bi) woman "community." Whatever all that means Here's a picture from tuesday, i'm on the left

Yeah, I'm intrigued, please show them. You're absolutely correct about the colour of a persons skin being unimportant to a trans person, in the UK anyway, lets face it there's beauty either way. Cheers Eve

Have you just trodden on your friends toes!

Ben, Would love to see you two upload your presentations and share the link here at TGGuide, if you are both comfortable. Monica

Recently I was invited to perform at a spoken word event for young black people in South Eastern CT. The title and theme of the event is : In My Skin. I was invited because though I am new to the Spoken word scene, I caught the eye of a fellow performer whom wanted to share my story. We'd performed two months ago at a school event and she enjoyed my piece as much as I enjoyed hers. The event is not for another month and I'm nervous about getting up in front of strangers to share either of the two pieces. the first is about being a mixed race kid raised in a white suburb and how that didn't matter to me until I learned how to be black. the second piece is about what it's like to be a gay black/white trans male and about the stereotypes I fall into.. I have a month to practice. The first piece aptly called "How to be Black." is radical if only for what it says.( My pride in being the best of both cultures, white and black.) The second named, 'In My Skin.' is about how being black doesn't really matter to other trans people, bu being trans matters to other black men. It's about catching the cold shoulder. It's about being gay and getting passed over for dates. it's not all negative. it's actually a little funny so far, and I wrote it just for the event. I'll share them when I'm done. Three more weeks until my Endo visit. August 18th can't get here soon enough.

I feel much better. It took me a couple of days to emerge from the mental crater left behind from my meltdown a week ago. Work and a business trip, took my mind off of things for a while. It was the perfect medicine for what ailed me which I knew would be the case. I had to buy sports bras because running has become painful. 2 for $20 from Costco. Breasts are a pain in the a$$, but I'll take them. Lol! I am almost a size B which is crazy. My left breast is growing faster than my right. I don't want them to get too big. I like to exercise quite a bit, so they just get in the way. Plus being big breasted makes it harder to find dresses. I can always add padding if i need to. Work is getting better. I finally feel like I am starting to fit in after 2.5 years at my current job, lol! My wife did tell two close family friends, who go to our church and are the godparents to our kids, that I am trans*. My wife said that they were supportive, which is good news. Not sure other members will feel the same. Thank you for all of your love and support! I cannot do it without you all. I hope that you have a glorious week. Love and Blessings, --Lisa

Eve, My friends understand Christie

Happy Birthday, Christie! And may you have many more!!

I've been wondering just what to write about for almost two weeks now, life just seems to be so normal now, even though I'm doing things that I never used to do. My transitioning seems to have activated a bit of an activist streak in me, I joine LGBT Labour nearly a year ago just before presenting full time en femme. LGBT Labour is not part of the UK Labour Party, but supports and advises the Labour Party on LGBT issues, and policy contents. A couple of months ago I joined the Labour Party proper too, my wife was already a member. Last week we attended our Local Constituency Labour Party meeting, we had both feared that we wouldn't enjoy it, but much to our surprise we did and we found that there were others out there that shared our particular views. On Tuesday this week I went along to the West Midlands local office of my Union, the General, Municipal and Boilermakers Union (GMB), they had invited members along with friends and families to a film night, I took my close trans friend Sharon along with me. There was a very friendly welcome from all who attended and to our surprise there were snacks, beer, wine and soft drinks supplied by the Union. We settled watching the film called "Pride", for those of you who haven't seen this Brit film, it's set in the 1980's when our miners went out on a prolonged strike, and were opposed by the Thatcher led Tory (Conservative) Government, a group of lesbian and gay people in London, had the idea of supporting the miners and started collecting for them, they had to overcome the normal hostilities from the miners, toward non white straight people then prevalent in UK society. They eventully achieved this and long lasting friendships were made between a south Welsh mining village and the group of gays and lesbians from London. Eventually after the strike had ended the south Welsh miners turned out en-masse in support of the 1985 London Gay Pride event. Their union the National Union of Mineworkers (NUM), massively helped gay rights to be adopted by the Labour Party soon afterwards. So in the UK, LGBT rights can be traced back to the events shown in the film, and interestingly to me, when I first joined LGBT Labour I was told that it had evolved from being called Lesbians and Gays in Support of the Miners. The film ending was quite emotional, my friend cried and my eye watered - yes just the one! LoL. I am proud to be a member of LGBT Labour, and the next big challenge is to get full equality within same sex marriage, for trans people such as myself, who were (and remain) married when in their cis gender to a member of the opposite gender e.g. a man to a woman. Presently in the UK if I want to get a Gender Recognition Certificate (GRC), which changes my birth certificate from male to female, I'd first have to divorce my wife and then re-marry once I have the GRC. An absolutely typical British legal system balls - up, straight out of an cormy old black and white Ealing comedy film.............If you don't push, shout and fight for something, you won't get it, that's history, and that's Pride! Anyway enough of my democratic socialist politics!, I'm off with my wife tomorrow for my Step-Son's graduation from Sheffield University, he's now a Master of Engineering with Honours (MENG (hons)), I now call him Meng the Merciless, which is how he behaved when fooling around and playing practical jokes, as he grew up, not that I was any saint either, but that's another story.................... Cheers all, Eve

Thanks for sharing and the best of wishes for a flawless presentation(s).

Bunch of things I like to get out there but are too short really for multiple blog entries Went for a long overdue pedicure yesterday where I always have a good time. My lady told me that not only my facial features were female but complimented me on my overall physical appearance and said that all the ladies that work there agreed. Now I was going to get a color matching my fingernails but decided on French nails for my toes after seeing the customer next to me up until one of the other employees sat down next to me and got the color shown above and let me tell you it became a struggle similar to being indecisive like many of my mornings are after picking out what to wear five million times. Since I could not make the decision two of them said I should get this color as they said my eye's really opened up after seeing this color and let me tell you the photo does not do the color here justice. One of the things I had to be concerned with un-like in my prior identity was to figure out how to weaponize myself (some say I am a weapon lol) when wearing little to nothing as in this image below, Since there are no pockets I found myself what is called a paddle holster which slips on, in this case to my skirt and when using the restroom can be easily detached and placed either besides me or on the toilet paper dispenser. Some days I do miss not having pockets but with a little ingenuity it all works out being concealed by a loosely draped cardigan. We all would like to believe that violence will not come to you but sadly trans* and gay etc are much more susceptible to violence then the cis-gender people and in my honest opinion better to be safe than sorry. Next item, over the past month I have been getting the strangest cravings, first, about three weeks ago got into kitkat candy were I can't even begin to remember the last time I had one, maybe 20 years ago. After a week and about four extremely large packages the urge died. Last week an this week it's potato chips, have to force myself from not dipping into them first thing in the morning, oh how I can't wait until this passes. Yeek, now I know how pregnant woman feel. Then there is a glorious event, I have gone (in the beginning) from gobs of lubricant for dilation to cutting it in half then cutting it in half again to zero lubrication jelly to smearing it on my middle finger and I can slide the large dilator right in. Matter of fact if I open my legs the dilator will slowly pop out unlike a month ago it would stay in place. So with that I have three eight oz and six four oz containers of lubrication jelly that is going to take forever to go through now. Lastly, getting ready to head off to my electrolysis session for work on my underarms. Thought I would not worry about this area but since breast augmentation it's almost impossible to shave at the lower-area to get all the hairs. Last month was the first time for this and we agreed to work the majority on one side. Any ways can't wait till this is done

Dear Lisa, Just to let you know, women's breasts are seldom exactly the same size (although mine were, before I had a biopsy the size of an egg removed from my left breast at 9 O' Clock, where my breast contacts my left arm). Interestingly, the last two months my breasts suddenly enlarged (along with other bodily changes), before the hot weather started, and my nipples became very tender. Am post menopausal, and I do have annual mammograms (thank God, clean). Saw the doctor last Monday, for a complete physical and blood workup, and I will let you know what she has to say. Would suggest you invest in some sleeping bras, as they will help you get a good night's sleep. Wish they had them in my size! LOL! Your friend, Monica

Thank you all for the feedback. I feel much better. I found myself doubting myself again today, but it was very fleeting. It typically is fleeting. I think that a lot of it is triggered by the unknown. This will take me time to get used to. Right now my breasts are sore and growing like gangbusters. Lots of changes, mentally and physically. Just trying to take it in stride. What I most like about all of this, is my personality. I am so much more of a humble person now and laid back. Other than those crazy moments, I am the opposite of a drama queen. Very even keeled. Not having the T in my system has overall lowered my anxiety, aggressive behavior. I've always been a gentle person and soul, but I am much more calm and understanding. I really like that! It just suits my personality and I feel like I belong to the human race for the first time in my life.