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Unfortunately at the time of my transition was when my sister developed a fatal cancer and could not bring myself to fly east to see her one last time. My impression was we have a decent brother sister relationship but after her passing my mother told me I was more to her than what I had imagined. I so regret not being stronger and just gone to see her. Please don't let something like this ever happen to you. Since then I have been thinking of getting a tattoo of an owl which was something she was into but for a multitude of reasons never did get a tattoo of an owl. Today I was walking in one of the more popular malls and spotted a Pandora store which I later learned was the only one in the greater Portland area. I asked if they had a owl charm and they did so I had them set me up with a bracelet and charm. So now as I see it I wear a token to remember my sister by on my wrist. I miss you Suzy

Karen, this is a very emotional blog entry to even read, it must have been so very sad to write it.......................but thank you for doing so. We are often so wrapped up in our own lives that we don't see what is happening to others who are dear to us.

Looking your age. You know, it seems to me, that Transitioning does make you look younger than your real age, peope have also told me similar as you have said Karen, and when my close friends show me pictures of their former male selves they always look a lot older than their present feminine selves, even myself who as a rather sceptical "it'll never happen" person have to admit when looking at old photo's of me I am shocked at how much older I looked at that time. A strange phenomena indeed............... Or did you always look young? Glad someones having a summer anyway, it seems to be Autumn here already! Cheers, Eve

Monica, I never had any issues personally with making friends in Portland yet don't know if this is the norm per-say. I will say overall people are friendly here unlike other cities I have been too or live in. I never met anyone at the LGBT center that was not friendly. I sure hope that someday I will be in a monogamous relationship, will have to wait and see how the cards play out.

Learned about the concept, "Living Apart Together," (LAT), when I was surfing the 'net for "couples living apart happily," as I love my apartment and my town, Beacon, but miss having a woman (I am a cisgender Lesbian) to love and care about, because my community (Dutchess County, NY) is very TLGB-phobic. My additional reasons are that I am a loud snorer, and have some other habits that I am too embarrassed to talk about. Interestingly, "Living Apart Together," (LAT) came up. Most of the information about it came from England, Australia, and Germany, with a little about it from the U.S. This is probably because the U.S. is a relatively sexually conservative country. How it came about was in England, during their census (like ours, every ten years), they noticed starting in the year 2000, but dramatically increasing in 2010, a lot of handwritten comments on people's census forms, explaining they were somewhere between being single and living together. The British government hired three universities to better explain this new social trend. Most of these couples were monogamous, and had various reasons for being in LATs. Also, without knowing it, I realized that I was in a LAT! Was very much in love and went with a transwoman for ten years, until her friends started getting married (at that time, Holy Unions), and she wanted to get married, too. Was very happy to marry her, but my reasons for not marrying was I knew Straight and Gay disabled people lost their disability benefits due to marriage, fear of bankrupting my beloved (she wanted to marry me anyways), because she would then be responsible for my medical bills and medications (at that time, insurance did not cover Gay partners), she lived ten miles off the bus line (she was ok dropping me off at the nearest bus stop on the way to work), and, as a butch, I was not comfortable with a fem supporting me. Of course, TODAY, I would have had an "underground marriage," (very common even today for people on disability), and would have kept my public housing apartment, using it for storage and as a mail depot, while living with her, just visiting my apartment once a week to clean, check my phone messages and pick up the mail. The advantages may be: Be able to avoid getting "underfoot" with one anotherGreat for those who travel long distances for workBe able to keep the relationship "fresh" and "special"Be able to connect regularly by e-mail, telephone, texting, Skype and snail mailBe able to be more romantic by sending packages and gifts​The disadvantages may be: In a crisis, may not be able to get together as quickly as you may want toBoth of you must NOT have trust issuesWon't be able to share quality time together on a day to day basisMay not be the best way to raise children​Realized that my relationship was a LAT, even before they had a name for it. Also, I realized had we moved in together, our relationship would have very likely been short lived. Today, I am open to a LAT, either as a prelude to a living together arrangement or as a permanent arrangement. Would try a living together arrangement on a trial basis, and, if there are problems caused by living habits, return to the LAT arrangement. Here are some links about LATs: http://www.losangeles.cbslocal.com/2013/05/10/experts-married-couples-finding-bliss-apart/ http://www.articles.chicagotribune.com/2011-02-14/features/ct-live-0214-amy-20110214_1_couples-happy-valentine-s-day-private-space http://www.livingaparttogetherlat.com https://www.facebook.com/LivingApartTogetherLAT https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=doXVCB1KAno https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c4-q1h93Csk ​https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Ul9YoL7z58 Would like to hear from others who have been in a LAT and/or living together arrangement and what you think about each!

Dear Karen, When I look at your pictures, you look 35. Love the drawing of the lady with the butterflies. It looks like a black pencil drawing with colored pencil drawing of the butterflies! You seem to make friends right and left in Portland. Is that standard for Portland. The people seem so friendly. When I spoke to people on the phone at Portland's LGBT Center, they all seemed so friendly. You are very lucky that you are self-lubricating, as some doctors warn their pre-op patients that they may not be self-lubricating. As a cisgender woman, I was self-lubricating with no trouble until a few years after my radical hysterectomy, after which my vagina became thin, dry, atrophied and definitely NOT self-lubricating! My hope is that you soon find a compatible, committed, loving, monogamous life long partner that has a strong drive to share this with you! Your friend, Monica

The week started off with me finding a really cute (age appropriate) top that I love so I purchased two of them. I have a habit where if I like something be it clothing or not if it appeals to me two or three are in order. Then I received my results from my hormone test done last month. The results indicate that I am midways, smack in the center of the scale in three separate test. Early on in the week I became friends with a younger woman (43 years old) whom I fibbed about my age, said I was 50, don't all woman lie about their age. At one point she said I looked younger than 50 which I then had to tell her the truth that I would be turning 59 shortly and was perfectly fine with her. She has invited me to her place next weekend for a BBQ and think she will become a good friend. Today I made plans to visit Portland's Saturday Market with my best friend but she has issues with a kidney stone so instead will be meeting with an old female co-worker. Will most likely then visit my friend with the kidney stone as were I am having lunch with the other friend is 10 minutes away. Thinking of the weather in recent weeks, I have been stripping down to the bare minimum for the over 90 degree weather, no bra nor panties while home wearing a comfortable summer dress or tank top and panties. What a change from last summer when I had to tuck that thing between my legs which in hot weather made if difficult to keep tucked and comfortable. Did I mention this is the perfect time for thongs, so far I have purchased at least a dozen thongs in various colors and pattern. I don't wear them everyday but tend to wear them more so on the weekends as during the week it is nearly impossible to change pads often enough as I am fairly moist down there and tend to need pad changes several times a day even with good quality pads. Before surgery I was concerned a little that I would not be self lubricating but thankful that I am and more so when having erotic thoughts. I was told that at some point it may be somewhat uncomfortable in regards to stimulation of my clit in daily life. Believe it or not I was driving down the road and made some movement that got me so aroused that I had to pull my car off the road until the arousal went away else I could not concentrate on driving. That is such a wonderful feeling that unlike arousal of the penis this sticks with me for sometime and is slow to go away.

Eve, I have always looked younger than my earthly age yet from transitioning everything has gotten much softer This is from 2002 teaching defensive tactics Then there is today (sorry to lazy to get dressed)

Eve and Karen, Karen, you looked about 35 both as a man and as a woman. Has been my experience that if a handsome man transitions into a woman, she tends to be pretty or beautiful. The reverse is also true; when a beautiful or pretty woman transitions into a man, he tends to be handsome. Monica

Karen, Please accept my condolences on the loss of your sister. In my opinion, this is not the end. She has become all-knowing and all-understanding in the Spiritual Realm. You had a lot on your plate during your transition. You are the sister she has never had. You will be together again. By the way, an owl symbolizes wisdom. Your friend, Monica