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I've spent a small fortune lately on clothes. And every single thing I've bought, I've loved - and everything has fit me perfectly. Two things about that surprise me. Firstly, when I used to shop for women's clothes, I'd buy something (without trying it on, invariably, because, in bricks and mortar shops, I hated using changing rooms so I didn't use them, and when buying online, you just don't try things on) and I'd get whatever it was home and try it on. And find that it didn't fit. It took me ages to work out that I always had an image of my own body that never really matched reality, for some reason. So, I would always get the sizes wrong. I was completely useless at buying female clothing. I had stacks of stuff I never wore and every six months I'd have a clear out and bag it all up and take it to a charity shop. All brand new, never worn, stuff. Secondly, I hate - loathe and detest - shopping. Always have. As soon as I was hooked up to the internet, that's when I started my online shopping. The world wide web and online stores were invented for me; I'm convinced of that. But, still, I don't like shopping at all. I do it when I have to, not because I want to. I'll wear clothes until they're pretty much falling apart and have to be replaced. Over the last couple of months I've bought loads of clothes, though. Casual shirts, cargo pants, jeans with button flies. And they have all fit me better than I would have expected. I've been wearing men's clothing at work for a few months and, either nobody has noticed, or if they have, they haven't mentioned it. Last week, I decided to buy a suit. I did desperately need a new one, admittedly. I've tried buying men's suits in the past and never found one that seemed to fit right or look good. I'd get the trousers to fit right and the jacket would be too big. Sleeves too long. Shoulders too big. That sort of thing. I know you can get suits where you buy the jacket and trousers separately and therefore in different sizes, but I've never been interested enough in buying clothes that I would make such an effort. So what I've tended to do is buy a black jacket (blazer type) and team that up with black trousers I already own. Not perfect, but at least they fit. Then I spotted a suit, online, last week, that was ridiculously cheap. And I thought, well, if it doesn't fit, I won't have wasted too much money on it. So I bought one. It was delivered the next day. When I tried it on, it was absolutely perfect. I mean, it could have been made for me. And, even if I say so myself, I looked effing good in it. I paraded in front of my husband and he agreed, it's the best suit I've ever bought. So yesterday I jumped online again and ordered two more, in the other colours that they have available. They will arrive tomorrow. And, while I was online yesterday, I bought half a dozen shirts and four ties. And then I just seemed to go mad after that, buying all kinds of clothes. I've spent an absolute fortune. And for some reason I couldn't explain, I was excited about all of it arriving. And then my husband pointed something out to me, not half an hour ago, that I hadn't considered. He reminded me I've been working out quite a bit lately. And I've been concentrating on my upper body more than I have in the past. And he told me it's working. That's why the clothes are fitting me better. Or maybe I'm just better at buying men's clothes than women's.

I went into Birmingham's Jewellery Quarter this morning with my Mom who has a small jewellery business, so we went into a trade only wholesaler's where we were looked after by 3 very nice ladies. I wanted a new bracelet or bangle to replace two that have recently broken, now my wrists are fairly large by female standards, and the normal 7.5" bracelets will fit but they're not loose, so I was after 8" bracelets, which I asked for, one of the Ladies then said "oh ladies Bracelets are usually 7.5"", so I decided to be right up front and said "yes but I'm Transgender", "oh really" replied the lady, "I'd never have guessed", yes, this made me feel really good, Shrodinger would have been proud! I did pass after all! There followed a little bit of discussion then about trans issues in general, and I was told that now they know me I could come back any time in the future, so that'll be handy just before Christmas!. The older Lady asked where I had got my coat from, so I told her Luxembourg where I have recently been on holiday, so she was quite disappointed at this, so I suggested that she look on the web for it, I took my coat off and showed her the label, it was sold by Belgian Company JBC, who's stuff I really like. Anyway I got a split solid silver bangle, two silver rings and a pair of genuine pearl stud earrings....... I can't wait to go back again soon. Cheers, Eve

It is nice to feel like you passed, but possibly even nicer to be accepted as transgender

Sounds like a wonderful experience, glad all worked out for you.

So, I got the response for my surgery.....After getting my letters in order and lining things up and rushing to get it finished for them before my insurance cuts out ((The government is apparently changing branches and cutting off my insurance before referring me to a new one)), I sent out my request for help with my surgery. Just a reduction, not a removal, and it came with nearly two pages of symptoms and sufferings in detail and with dates. Including: Neck pain, back pain, shoulder pain, headaches, rashes, moving ribs, limited mobility, shortened walking distances, difficulty with stairs, muscle relaxants because of difficulty sleeping, open sores, and more. I got my letter in the mail just before Halloween began. The response?No.Just plain and simple, no. Unless I have tumors or cancer of some sort of abnormality that cannot be altered with medicine, basically...they wont touch it. They gave the option of Estrogen treatment which might do I have no idea what to help, which sounds honestly stupid to begin with. In honesty, I'd rather off myself than take estrogen.Wtf is the point in even trying....Every time I turn around, I get shot down and stomped on. I cant keep taking this stress and dealing with being lifted up only so they can drop me from a higher height.Maybe I should just go back to being Kristy and make everyone else happy...Life would be easier I guess. Not better, or happier, certainly not any more comfortable. But it seems like that's the only thing I'm allowed to do......So tired of having my heart broke.... Tired of my family hating me. Tired of the drama where I live for being who I am. Getting a lecture for a haircut. Or them trying to convince me to wear feminine things....Figures, I was just starting to be happy too. First time I've been properly gendered on the first try with a stranger, earlier in the day with my neighbor. "Hi, who are you?" she asked. "Nice to meet you, I'm Ren" I reply. And without hesitation, she asked my neighbor (mama)'s mother "Is this your grandson?". I grinned and nodded a little "Something like that. Technically Anne Marie is my neighbor but I consider her my Mama". Grandson......yeah, I kinda like that.But then......then this happens....I'm just....So done. I posted this on a transregulars Facebook group I'm in (love these guys, super supportive and most are my age) So, recent events have prompted me to start sharing this around again....As some of you have seen already, my insurance has turned me down in my request for a top surgery. I have since talked to my doctor and surgeon, and they said that an appeal will not get far because they will simply give me the same reasons for the first rejection since nothing has changed. If two pages of agonizing symptoms didnt change their minds in the first place, it wont in a second try. Besides that fact, my insurance is cutting out in Janurary due to company changes in government, so an appeal would take too long before it would be too late. Unless I find other means of assistance with this, I'll have to pay out of pocket. The surgeon has been wonderfully helpful and understanding, but he cannot change how the fees work and cannot offer a payment plan for understandable reasons. Nevertheless, I need to somehow come up with the funds to pay for it myself. Even if you guys cannot spare a few (which I totally understand, we're all struggling and money is tight as it is.) Please feel free to pass this around. I HATE doing this and I feel like I'm begging, but in a way I guess I'm not too far from the willingness of begging on my knees. The pain I'm dealing with is beyond what I can express. My ribs are shifting, my already-damaged back is getting worse from the weight, my shoulder is being offset, I cannot sleep at night because theyre limiting my breathing and hurting my back in every position, and even binding is becoming something I dread for its ineffectiveness and unbarable agony. I'm running out of options....I'm not sure what else to do.... -War https://www.gofundme.com/givewarrenahand We'll see if it goes anywhere......Halloween post in next blog. Seemingly slipping again, Warren

So after some prompting from the boyfriend (Really wasnt in the mood due to the news in the previous blog) I decided to get off my butt and dress up for halloween. I had to work this halloween which is fine because I love to see all the costumes and knew it would cheer me up somehow. He let me use him as my first victim before getting myself ready. Here's the Results: Justin as a skeleton thingie (first time Ive ever face painted someone) And me, A zombie Police officer, intended in reference to Walking Dead style. Though someone accused me of making a joke for Police Brutality, in which case I was wishing to demonstrate Police Brutality on his dumbass. Zombie Ren So, yeah. Halloween. Plus I think I got flirted with. The (obviously gay) gas station attendant that I see all the time (its where I have to refuel the company Jeep) complimented me on my costume and even did a whole lean-back-smile-and-nod with a "mmmmmhmmmm, damn" comment. Said it was the best costume he'd seen all night and gave me pieces of his personal stash of candy 0.o Well, okay lol thank you? Anyways, yeah. If it's not bloody, its not fun. Warren

Warren, I'm so sorry to hear about this - it really sucks what insurance companies look for in "required" procedures, it's inconceivable to me how ongoing pain isn't enough (never mind gender dysphoria!) I really hope this won't make you turn back, you have a lot to give being your authentic self (from what i've seen/read in your blog entries and videos). One would hope that family and friends will eventually come around, but even if not there is a wider community of trans people to connect with - especially if you're ever able to re-locate (if that's what you'd want). Xoxo Christie

Wow, glad you're enjoying your new self, when you get testosterone it'll help you with your upper body among other things........hope things keep going well for you. Cheers, Eve

Which gender asked you the rude questions? hmmm, reading your reply I suspect male homo - ignoramus. Similar to Karen I've never been asked such personal questions........... were the questions from a co-worker or public no-body? No you don't have to get yourself in check, stand up for yourself, I think I'd probably have said something far worse........ Glad the rest of it seems to be on-track, but I do know what you mean about psychologists, and psychiatrists are worse believe me......... but if you are referred to ChX GIc they are overall a pretty friendly lot. please keep us posted. Cheers, Eve

Interesting in that there are people who will ask questions like, how big is it and how do you have sex. For me, I have only discussed these things with very close friends and have not had anyone ask me these question who are simply co-workers. If they do ask I would change the topic and if that did not work would simply say it's none of your business.

Hiya Gender Fiasco. I have one Bandeau Bra, which has a Bra Pad each side. I have bought some cheap bra's with pad's, and used several each side of the strapless Bandeau Bra. I wear another Non-Wired Full-Cup Bra over the top, which is Size 38B. I have several of these, which are of the same size, style, and pattern. So I wear Bra's, which are Very Comfortable. I wear Lovely, Sexy, Pretty, Bra's; Knickers; Suspender-Belt's; and Stocking's, all the time. I also wear Female Jeans, or Female Leather Trousers, or Skirts and Blouses or Top's, or Pretty Dresses. I do NOT wear Male Clothing. at all now, and I have NOT done so, since I started Fully, Full-Time, Female-Dressing, and Living, on 1st. May, 2015. Gender Fiasco, I Now Regularly Go To the World-Famous UK Nightclub, Pink Punters, at Fenny Stratford, near Milton Keynes, Buckinghamshire, in The United Kingdom. It Is a Fully LGBT Friendly Location. Gender Fiasco, if You have an LGBT Friendly Location, try Going there as well. I Love going to Pink Punters, because it is so Safe, Comfortable, and Relaxing as well. Gender Fiasco, Keep in Touch, if You would like to. Good Luck, Take Care, and Very Best Wishes, Stephanie. xoxo