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"It's scarily daunting." But, I imagine - and I admit, easy for me to say - also freeing, and a day of celebration. I hope you will make plans to go out with friends that evening and toast your courage to be who you are. Personally, I admire and applaud you. I hope you'll keep us informed and allow us to give you a standing ovation if only in spirit. Hugs, Emma

As I walked home today, I was behind a person who ran into someone he knows and said - quite loud - "men trying to become women, that [bleep] burns me up." He was ahead of me, so I don't know if it was directed at me (he may have turned and noticed). Anyway, I didn't confront him (I don't make a habit of confronting random idiots on the street, seems like a wise course), but my thought was "well that's not right, i'm not a man trying to become a woman, i'm a woman no longer trying to be a man." I channeled it more "productively" on twitter with the following: Transgender 101: "Transitioning" isn't going from woman to man or man to woman, it's going from fake to authentic. #GirlsLikeUs If anyone is on twitter i'm ChristieCNY It was nice taking a negative and going positive in response. I'm so much better as a woman than I ever could have been as a man

I was reading another blog post that lead to another off-site post and just had this epiphany that be it wrong or right to think this way but I don't consider myself transgender for a long time now but never actually came to terms in writing before. I go through my daily life as any other female would. Heck today I spent an unGodly amount of money on makeup today, 64 dollars. When I got to the counter I must of had a face that begged to ask me "is your day going okay?: I said up to now, jeez, never realized how much makeup cost and I only purchased it for an event tomorrow and will never use it again NO wait I will because it cost so much. Last time I wore makeup was over 15 years ago. So I went home and spent an hour with the makeup. Then I remember at my best friend's house yesterday she said her daughter spends hours on doing her face, I said, not me, never. Baaaahhhh look at me today, eyeshadow, foundation, top and powder and lipstick. Came out well but then I learned it takes a good deal of time taking it off but that didn't bother me because "I am a girl" and the process was well worth the effort experimenting as I did my eye's twice.I remember back 15 years ago I would impatient doing my makeup but now I am content taking time to get it right but 64 dollars yeek. 20 dollars was spent on one brush alone but worth it (I guess). Anyways as I look back to before GRS and now lots of little things have changed and now taking notice of them. Girls my guess is that some of you will travel down the same path, one day stuck in the wrong body and flash you are sitting in a chair legs in the proper place, hands cupped then someone says something that invokes an emotion and one hand goes to your chest then you mutter a gasp followed by your hand covering your mouth delicately. It might dawn on you later that oh my god I am where I should had been all my life.

Have fun with your make-up Karen, yes take your time and experiment, isn't life about having fun anyway? Anyway if I read your last sentence correctly, and also Christies final point, which is a similar thought that I had, I'm not bothered about passing even if I do, and I know that I do anyway, but I'm not bothered what handle you put on me, I'm me, what I always should have been. Humanity is so diverse, and even the 51% of humanity that I now identify with is so diverse that I just do my own thing. This indeed did take a while before I realised it, I think I posted something similar in one of Jayes recent blogs............ Anyway I just been out shopping with my Mom, and bought a new faux fur coat, and sequin party cami top, which will go nicely with other clothes in my almost massive collection, funny that I could never understand massive collections of clothes or enough footwear for a centipede when I was male.................... I got too many coats now as well! Cheers, Eve

Thanks for the support, guys - every little bit of it helps <3

Karen, I had gotten to thinking about terms for a bit too - finally I settled for: (1) right now i'm "transgender," a "transwoman," and/or a "woman," (2) that will change, and (3) I don't need a final answer Xoxo Christie

I went through this at work over the summer and similar to Eve I found it much easier than expected, I hope your experience is likewise

Yeah I know what you mean, I went through all this December 3rd last year, which funnily enough was 11 years to the day that I started with the Council as a H&S Advisor......... It was a lot easier than I had hoped for, I'm sure you'll find similar.

Oh Christie that's so beautiful and eloquent a thought. Yes I'm on twitter but don't use it much, I prefer FB if you use it? Eve x

Jackson, I second Karen's book recommendation and would add Janet Mock's "Redefining Reality" - it's her story, and as she also came out when she was young you may find some helpful stuff. I'm not sure I agree with the notion of putting yourself in someone else's shoes, I don't think that's realistic in most cases (especially when it's your parents), my thought is just to be patient and understand that it will take some time if they're going to come around, and you can't predict how long (my brother accepted my transition within a week or so of finding out, my sister still hasn't after several months - i would have guessed the opposite). Xoxo Christie

It's either "bring it on" or I go and cower in a corner somewhere

There is a Facebook page for this too https://www.facebook.com/transdayofremembrance/

I had a chat today, with my manager, and we're drawing up a plan of who to tell, how to tell them and when to tell them. It's scarily daunting. It's not only the people I work with, such as my immediate team; it's the people I interact with or the people I see every day. Such as the woman in the restaurant who makes my hazelnut latte each morning, or the guy who delivers parcels to our desks, or the security guards at reception, or the cleaners. Those people don't know me but they see me and they talk to me and they think they know me - and they will be surprised (shocked?) by the upcoming name change. So I can't avoid telling them; not really. The guy I sit next to... we're on a first name basis and I know he likes cycling and he knows I like cycling and we've had chats about the Tour de France and the Vuelta and the Giro... but that's about it. He knows nothing else about me. But I still have to tell him. Everyone at work will know. And I mean everyone. As soon as my email address changes... well, everything changes. People I don't actually know will see my dead name disappear from the directory and a new name appear. And therefore I have to be prepared to receive enquiries and questions from a bunch of people who thought they knew me and a bunch of complete strangers too. And I'm talking about a company that has 100,000 employees. Bring it on!!!

I know the title will sound like I'm rethinking something, and seeing that this is a Transgender blog, I might be thinking that I am doing the wrong thing. But no, don't be hassling me to change for you please. I am perfectly Michele as I am, just need a few minor modifications, make that minor modifications in the form of surgeries. I'm currently the fleet manager as I said in a previous blog. This 8-4 thing is killing me as I'm use to the 6-6 thing and after 2 days and 2 nights I would normally be off and have 4 days to myself. Now this Monday to Friday thing is kind of a drag and also exiting, because I am the member in charge and the flack all comes my direction. What I'll never miss about working shifts is the targets they have... Yes, the station is now target orientated only in arrest and not in the form of how good you deal with the community and the relationships that you build up to them. Just how many police initiated arrest you performed. So it was always this way on shifts, you start work and you go home not worrying about tomorrow, but now you have worries more about performance, and you know what... One day you may have 20 arrest and the next none. It's the role of the dice with police initiated arrested. So I'm sleeping more and my body is actually building a cycle of sleep and when I should wake up, and I never had this for the last 10 years almost 11 if you looking at it that way. I didn't have a cycle. I've ditched my uniform that will just be hanging in my cupboard till I work operations with others. NOOOOOOOOOO,it doesn't mean I ditched my firearm because I am wearing civilian wear, I'm still driving marked vehicles and I'm not going to put myself in crap when someone starts shooting at my vehicle, I want a fighting chance of survival. Now, you know what. I've almost always been called Miss or Mrs with longer hair. My hair isn't that long for me and I love that my face and body is giving my personality and image a pure view of me as a female. I've been told that a girl shouldn't wear a firearm, and that it is a mans toy or weapon, which just make me look like a butch lesbian. Again a butch lesbian, I am told. Well the one that told me that my weapon can be taken from me fast, looked at me and said. I change my opinion, you are fast to draw and cock the weapon one handed. He thought that I would be to soft and scream at everything, before running away. Okay I'm trying to catch you up on what happened in the last month with just small burst of thoughts being thrown at you to give some insight in my life. I was also told to not reveal that much to the world,because it would leave me vulnerable to attack. But my views on being attacked with something that everyone else knows, is nothing. Because it's not a secret and what has been reveal and not been concealed to hide from the world. Will and can never hurt me. Enough of me rambling on and you not getting a fix on where I am, so cheers for now. Be safe and take care of yourself. Love and protection from Michele H Ps... Question, how do you view this??? My friend's birthday was the other day and her father passed away on the same day??? Well she is looking at it in a positive light, which I didn't see till she pointed it out to me. It might be sad to lose your father or someone close to you on your birthday, but form now on, she will be rejoicing in the life her father lived for the rest of her life on her birthday and that of her father's birthday. I know on my father's anniversary of the day he passed away, I always start crying as I miss him. I have never looked at death of a loved one as a happy occurrence.

Go and check out my new video! i do a Q&A with my first ever special guest Some content may not be suitable for all members/viewers https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DPpldnV4HwQ

Honestly, dysphoria sucks so much. Its just like you have this shadow following you and constantly saying. "You're never going to pass as a female/male!" "You have a pair of boobs and a vagina/penis, so you can't be the other gender!" All those awful things. I look at myself in the mirror and it just. . . It sucks. I can barely even look at my body when I'm in the shower. I can't bind, and I can't pack because there's no way my mom or dad would allow me to. And I hate going to stores and having to walk into the girls bathroom. When I am hanging out with my friend Haylee and her mom (who supports me being trans and calls me the appropriate name and pronouns --plus she's bisexual and has a girlfriend--) allow me to go into the men's room if I need to go. Her mom also allowed me to shop in he men's/boys section for clothes. All I got was a jacket. If I had gotten anything else my mom would have flipped. But back to dysphoria. Its a pain in my ass, it really is and I just want it to go the hell away! It sucks, and I break down a lot because of it. I have three people to help me through it though, well, four actually. I've got Haylee, her mom, my Long Distance best friend Tyler and my boyfriend Chris. Chris is transgender too but has gotten most of his transitions done and has been on testosterone for about a year I think. Can't remember. . . I am trying my best to stay strong through all of this. I have to be strong or else I will get nowhere if I just give up now. And I don't intend on giving up anytime soon.

Michele, On your final point about your friend's birthday/father's passing away, I personally made a point to not remember the days that my parents passed away (at this point I know the months, but not the dates). I like remembering them on their birthdays (my mother and I shared a bday), not their final days. Xoxo Christie

Hiya Christie, and Eve. I have a Dormant Facebook Account. I will, when I have got time, close it down. I had too many problem's with it, so I Am Not intending to use it again. Christie well done, for ignoring the idiot's in the street. That is All that people like that are worth - ignoring !! Christie, Your words are so eloquent. Taking a Negative, and turning it into a Positive, is Brilliant ! Eve and Christie, Have a Good Evening. and Take Care. With My Very Best Wishes, Stephanie. xx

I've so far resisted Facebook, worried about it eating up time

So, I have been told quite a few times to put myself in my parents shoes. And I have been. I am trying my best to view things from their..eh, what word could I use? Perspective? I'm not quite sure, I'm not good with words. But anyways. I can understand that something like this is hard for them, considering that they were born in a completely different time. So I know I have to be easy with them, but at times it can be hard because my parents want everything to be their way. If things don't go their way they get upset. I don't try and talk with them about it only because I get nervous and break down easily. And my mom is always staring at me which makes me extremely uncomfortable. She never looks away, she just stares at me with her cold, blue eyes. I have tried talking with her a few times but it is hard for me to talk about my problems and how I feel because I always kept to myself. I have struggled with my gender for awhile. I can't really remember what age I was when I felt the need to be male, but I was a kid so whenever I thought of something about myself I just tried my best not to focus on that. I focused on trying to please my mother and father but that didn't really work. As I got older and older I struggled more and more with myself. I was always so insecure and bashful about my face, my body, my voice. All of that. I was never comfortable with myself. When I got to the ages of 11-13 I began to self-harm. I grew depressed, I always spent time in my room away from my family and barely left the house. And I still am like that, but the self-harming is getting better. I have been clean for a few months and the cuts on my legs are beginning to heal. In the seventh grade towards the end of the year I went to my friend Haylee and pulled her aside and said. "Haylee, I have to tell you something." And so she looked at me and waited. And I built up my courage to say "I think I might be a FtoM Transgender..." and we talked about it, she tried helping me with dysphoria and also tried to find me some support groups. And we talked about it a lot. She still does. When I go back and ask her how she felt and what she thought when I first told her she said to me "I wasn't really that surprised to be honest. I just kinda already knew." And so that's how that went. I do research on things, and I am also in counseling with a wonderful guy. We talk about a lot of things such as what goes on at home and how I am doing so I am getting the help I have been in need of for such a long time. I understand I am still young and have a long life ahead of me, and I need to think about things carefully because I dont want to end up doing something I regret. But I'm fighting to move forward, I'm keeping my head held high and I'm trying to find out who I am and sort this whole thing out.

Hello, as said in the description, I am Jackson but Jack is just fine. I am 14 years of age and I am what others would call a "FTM Transgender", or simply "Female To Male Transgender". This blog will mainly contain posts of my journey as a transgender youth living with an unsupportive mother and father. It is hard, but I have to stay strong and keep moving forward in order to get somewhere. I will also give as best of advice as I can to transgenders who haven't yet come out to family or any kind of gender really. It is a hard thing, I understand that and I know it can be scary. It was scary for me coming out to my parents but I still did it because it was something I had to do. I wouldn't get anywhere if I hadn't come out. I will ge more into what had all happened once I get my account and blog all set up, so until then stay tuned with me and wait for my next upload. Love you guys, Jackson

I was awake before 3 am, having had one of the most disturbing dreams I've had for some time. I didn't get back to sleep; instead I got up and browsed the internet then I read for a while. And now I'm back on the internet. Yesterday was a good day for some reasons and a bad day for other reasons. Good: I got another appointment with the doctor for the end of this week. I got assigned a specialist trans* case worker by our HR department. I bought a train ticket and reserved a room in a posh hotel for a trip to London next week. Bad: I got stuck at work longer than I'd hoped for and this meant I hit the traffic when I finally finished. I then got stuck in more traffic heading into the city and realised I wasn't going to make it in time for my monthly FtM group meeting in the city centre so I had to abandon thoughts of attending, turn around and go home, which made me angry. I'd been looking forward to that session for three weeks. This morning I feel weird. I feel full of doubts. I'm questioning everything I've done recently. I'm questioning everything I've set in motion. The dream has caused these feelings, I know. I dreamt of my mother. She said to me, in the dream, "You're so self-absorbed. This is the most selfish act of your life. You're going to ruin everyone's lives. Everyone around you is going to suffer because of what you're doing. You're going to kill your father. He won't be able to cope." I know what she was referring to, even if she didn't actually say it in the dream. She could only have been talking about one thing. And of course I know it was only my own subconscious mind. But now I'm thinking, "Am I going to kill my father? Am I doing the wrong thing?" Well, I'd better log off and get ready for work.

Thank you, Emma I have to say that it's such a comfort to find people on this site who get it. D'oh! Of course you get it - that's why I'm here ffs! This site, and especially the people on it, have helped me so much lately. A lot. It really does reinforce that I'm not alone - that I'm treading a path that people have trod before me, that there are plenty of people who understand what I'm saying, understand what I'm doing and why I have to do it, that I'm not weird or perverted or a freak. I can't believe, sometimes, just how far the world has moved on. Twenty, thirty years ago, there is no way I would have been able to connect with people who understood. No way. I have so much gratitude for this place and everyone who has taken the time to read my words and respond. You're beautiful and I thank you. <3

Glad that you've said "bring it on", I suspect that it'll be a lot easier and better than you imagine it might be. Cheers, Eve

Jay, My ex-wife, when we argued or I was depressed, used to say, "It's always all about you." And recently, in an argument with a rather difficult person at work (also a woman) I heard the same thing. Well, it's not, and dammit, those words are about the most hurtful anyone can throw at us. I don't blame you for being pissed for missing your meeting. Your feelings are right on. Hugs, Emma

Oh gosh, there are plenty of people I haven't told. It's a little daunting when I think about it. But your comments always help me. Thank you.

Hiya Jack. I Am glad that the counselling is Helpful, to You. The Great thing is that You have Your friend Haylee, who You are able to openly talk to. ( I Have got My Best Mate, who I speak with, normally 4 or 5 times, every week, by Phone. He lives about 25 Miles away, but We have been Mate's since We were both Young, and Best Mate's for at least 32 Year's, and We both trust each other Fully. We always have done ! ) Jack, if You can keep That sort of Friendship, with Haylee, a Life-Long one, that will be excellent. Jack, as You are doing Research on the Subject, have You asked Your Counsellor, if He knows any support group's, near You, for FtoM Youth ? It Is just an idea Young Man. ( Myself, for support, I go to a Lesbian; Gay; Bi-Sexual; Transgender/Transsexual Nightclub. I can get support from Member's of Their Transgender Advisory Group, and other MtoF Transsexual People there ! ) We All need some support whilst Transitioning. Jack, if You stay in touch with TGGuide, and You need any advice, and/or help, this is a Brilliant place to try. Please don't self-harm again. ( I tried the "S" word, 3 times, in a 7 1/2 Year Period. I Promise I will Not ever go there again ! ). Since I Came-Out as Transsexual, I have had a lot of Friend's, who are supporting Me, and one Good Friend, She is turned 80 Year's of Age, and She understands All about My Transsexuality. ( Bless Her ! ) Jack, You said You hold Your Head High. Well be Very Proud of that Young Man. You said about "The Icy Stare's", well I have No contact with My Parent's whatsoever, and have Not done so, for almost 18 Year's. My Mother tried to interfere with My Life, right into Adulthood. Jack, You just keep that level head Young Man, and Please keep Your Friendship with Haylee special. Jack, have a Good Evening, Take Care, and My Very Best Wishes, Stephanie.

There is a book called True Selves that is geared towards adults coming out but might be of use to you too. In Portland Oregon (where I am) there is a place called the Q Center which has programs for trans youth, perhaps there is one in your town.

Hiya Jack. Welcome to TGGuide. As Karen says "Be careful to how You continue Your journey, regarding communication with Your Parent's, play it smart, don't push them too hard, simply put Yourself in Their shoes, and try to work from there. These Blogs, are a great outlet, so by all means, write away." Here on TGGuide, You can gain All sorts of Advice, and Information. Jack, Good Luck with Your FtoM Transitioning. Jack, I Am Personally Transitioning, from MtoF, and I Am 53 Year's Old, and I have known, since I was 3 Year's of Age, that I Am Female; Trapped; In A Male Body. I can therefore understand, how You feel, but in reverse. Jack, You are only Young, and You have got a whole lifetime ahead of You. I think, that if You take Your time, things will work out alright for You. I Came-Out, as Transsexual, on 30th. April, 2015, and I started Buying, and Wearing Female Undies, and Clothing, and being "Out" in Public, in 1st. May, 2015. I have been Fully; Full-Time; Female Dressed; and Living, ever since. Jack, enjoy Your Transitioning, Keep in touch with TGGuide, Good Luck; Take Care, and My Very Best Wishes, Stephanie.

Hello Jack, If you are sure and it sounds that way in regards to being male stuck in a female body then this is the right step to come out as keeping this to yourself will only be harmful in the long run. Without knowing all the facts I would say be careful to how you continue your journey regarding communication with your parents, play it smart, don't push them too hard simply put yourself in their shoes and try to work from there. These blogs are a great outlet so by all means write away!

Oh Jay. I think most of us have these self doubts, if you read my first blogs I often refer to the same and others have have also said similar. For me it seemed like the tide ebbing and flowing, sometimes I'd feel femme, at others I'd ask myself "what the hell do you think you're doing?, you're a bloke, stop all this foolishness, you'll never be a convincing woman1". I often asked myself when I had those tidal feelings and thoughts, "well do you want to go back to being Steve?" Know what?, I always answered no. The tidal movements of these thoughts, have now stopped, thankfully. Maybe it was the Testosterone blockers helping me, letting the oestrogen do it's magic, who knows, but I am thankful to have escaped a confusing time. It's good that you realise that it's your own subconscious that is talking to you in your dreams, but what concerns me is that you seem to be deeply worried that your transitioning will hurt other people who are close to you, such as your father. If these people are indeed family and close friends and love you, they will want you to be happy, if they don't they are not friends at all, just people that you know - acquaintances, worried that there may be some social stigma attached to them, because they have you as a friend or a family member. Parents have had their life and have chosen what they did with their lives, that doesn't mean that you have to follow their choices, it's your life, not theirs they have to realise that. You are very lucky to have such a supportive husband, you haven't wrecked his life, and he was & is the closest person to you. Have you told your father yet, and how old is he? Are their any close friends that you haven't told?2 1However, I have come to realise that whether or not I am convincing, it doesn't matter, I might or might not have transitioned into a totally convincing female, but what I have transitioned into is my true self, this is the most important thing that I have ever realised, I think others can also see it now, if they couldn't at the beginning of my transition.2I told some friends who were ex work colleagues that I was Trans, this was 9 months or so before my RLE began almost (except for a week) a year ago, we never heard from them again until two weeks ago, when they invited us to their place for dinner in a couple of weeks time. So previous to this, I had thought, oh well lose friends, and gain others, I've obviously lost these as friends. But it seems not so, possibly it takes people time to come to terms with transitioning, that and the quickly changing public perception of Transgender as being quite different to Transvestite / Drag / Fetish etc.Stay sane and keep positive thoughts in your head, no one ever said transitioning is easy, it takes determination with some measure of desperation in the mix. Hope that my comments help you, Hugs, Eve

I can't believe it's been so long since I last wrote something here. In fact, it's been weeks since I even visited this site. I seem to have got caught up in so much stuff that I've been too busy to spend time on the internet. I've missed it, though. Yesterday was TDOR and I was surprised that our company LGBT network didn't even mention it. They always make a big thing out of IDAHOT and Coming Out Day and the various Pride celebrations around the country and other days that stand out as something to be celebrated or remembered or promoted. But yesterday? Nothing. So I wrote something on our company LGBT notice board and a bunch of other members jumped on there and complained about the lack of shouting too. So I don't think the network will make that mistake next year. Tomorrow is Sunday, and where I live there's going to be a big memorial event for TDOR. There will be readings and prayers (although I'm not religious) and a candlelit vigil and a bunch of people will walk through the city to gather at the trans* memorial in the park. I attended this event last year, but I stood on the fringes and I wasn't trying to be involved in any way. I just quietly stood at the edge of it all and paid my respects in silence, and then I went home. Tomorrow, it'll be different. I am going as myself, for the first time. I've also persuaded my husband to join me. If I'd asked him last year he would have laughed and said no. This year, he didn't hesitate to say yes. And then afterwards we will spend the evening with a bunch of other people like me. That will be a big step for him, because he hasn't really been involved with other trans* people before. I have to say, his support, just lately, has been amazing. He's the one who keeps telling me to get back in touch with my doctor and ask where my referral to the GIC is up to. He's the one who, last night, helped me clear out every single piece of female clothing I still owned and stuff it into bags and take them to the charity shop. He's the one who is correcting people, before I even get a chance to open my mouth, when they misgender me. After more years together - and sometimes apart - than I would care to admit (because then people would know just how old we are), he has finally accepted me.

Yes, that support means so much that it's hard to put it into words.

There may have been a gap between entries but the important thing is the amount of progress that you've made. My partner read this entry too, and she said it's nice, so I grabbed her kissed her and said how much spouse support means to someone transitioning, so thanks for this entry. Cheers Jay, Eve

Today, Friday, 20th. November, 2015, is the Annual; International; Transgender Day Of Remembrance - ( TDOR ) . Let's Wear Something Purple, in Support Of The Rainbow Flag. If We Can't make it to A Comemorative Event, then We Can still show Our Support, for those Less Fortunate, than Ourselves, Who have lost Their Lives, at the Hands of Other's, or Have Taken Their Own Lives. Here in the UK, We should remember the Transgender Lady, Who had been put into an All-Male Prison, at Leeds, in West Yorkshire. Sadly, She took Her Own Life, in the Last Few Day's ! I WILL Wear Something Purple Today, as I Am a 53 Year-Old; Transitioning Male-to-Female Transsexual, Myself. Please, join Me, and Other's around the World, in showing Our Support Today, this Transgender Day Of Remembrance - ( TDOR ) . Thank You Very Much. Regards, Stephanie.

Hiya Michele. You are proving to Everyone, that You are more than capable of handling responsibility. Being a Fleet Manager is a Very Rosponsible Job, and when You are a Mechanically Minded Female as well, You are going to be more than capable of showing the Male Mechanic's how to do the job properly. Also, You know how to handle Yourself with Firearm's, and Good on You. Just because You are Not in Uniform, All the Time, Does Not Stop You from doing an excellent job. Michele, Don't let People put You down Love. ( My Wife keeps trying to do that with Me, as well as being violent towards Me. The Very Next Violent Outburst, and I Am going to contact the Local Women's Aid, and ask to go into their Local Refuge ! She hates the fact that I Am Transsexual, but, She has been cheating on Me for 2 Year's, with Other Men, and Other Women ! ). Michele, Keep Going like You are Love, because You Are Doing Great. Michele, Take Care, With My Very Best Wishes, Stephanie. xx

Thanks Stephanie. I know what I should and can do, but it's just sometimes that the execution is making me rethink on how I should do it. But then I realize that I am the perfect person, to do what it takes to get the ball rolling. I thank thee for the motivation and that I know I have a space and time to return to get what I need as a booster. Michele

Hiya Michele. Just because You are a Female Sweetheart, does Not mean that You should Not carry a Firearm. Why should You Not be able to Protect Yourself. Don't listen to All the Bull Manure. You look after Yourself Love. Your Photograph's definitely show how Pretty and Feminine You are. Your transitioning is definitely right for You Michele. You are a lot Younger than Me, and I Am still very early in My MtoF Transition. Working Office Hour's, is very different from shift-work. I know, because I have done them both, over the Year's. Michele, Take Care of Yourself, Good Luck, and My Very Best Wishes, Stephanie. xx

I never thought of it like this... Okay, we all probably never thought of it, okay make that the persons who never gave the world a chance to influence and change your gender. I've always been trapped in a body with a body part belonging to someone else. And even as a child I would ask everyone, "WHERE DO YOU SEE A BOY, BECAUSE IF YOU TALKING TO ME, I'M NOT LISTENING AS I AM NOT A BOY!!!" So did I give my parents the chance to grieve the loss of a son they never had, or is my mother just trying to be a royal pain in my ass. Okay, my dad never used the right pronounce, and he treated me as softly as he could. But I never wanted to be a soft girly girl. I needed to know how to kick the boys into submission and how to shoot at a target with a proficiency that most grown up would cry over getting. And how to handle a car and still look like a model on a catwalk. Yes I am, and I obviously want to stay my daddy's little girl. And somehow I was treated like all the other girls in the area, because I know he knew that he wouldn't ever get a boy in life from me, unless I come home with a guy. So I came to the conclusion that my mother will never let go of the gender assigned to my birth certificate which I will and can't ever respond, because that will and can't ever be me. I'm looking down at my lilac nails as I type this and think. Okay, so she (my mother) is trying to cultivate another interaction like that of my brother with her. But it will never happen, I would become her last born and the girl she can run to if she could accept me for who I am, but till this happens, I am not going to give me anymore heartaches at trying to convince her that this is for me to be at my best. Hormones is another sore issue with us, as she would like me to stop, and the only time that I actually hear that she sort of cares for me is when I told her that without it I will probably kill myself and not think twice about it, because I can't live as the person that she wants me to be. Okay, this statement will make most people jump at their phone books to call and tell me it's not the end of the world. Well, let's see how long did it take you to realize that you need to do the changes. How many suicides are there in the world because of persons not allowed to transition. I wouldn't kill myself, but I might do something that will still result in me dying (running into a gang fight with no bullet proof vest and get shot, but making certain that I took out as many of them before they could shoot me, and if they can't shoot, I would probably shoot myself through the crotch). Okay, that is one of the thoughts I have in my head. But seeing that I know I am the last line of defense for my oldest sister, and I don't want her to be injured or anyone to attack her. I wouldn't want to leave her behind as I wouldn't be there for her. I have also learned that for every argument I have that I can die, I have an argument to stay alive, because if I don't do the fight that others are afraid of to do, who will do it and how will the nation I live in ever decide to change the way they treat us as human beings. Yes, I am not going to do anything to me, because I need to keep on with a fight in the world. First South Africa and later, move into other nations because, equality is the way forward, not the way people want to change everyone. Cheers, stay safe and love life. Michele H