Leaderboard

Chrissy is good, I've already used it in one of my comments, I really like it, it sounds nice. Yeah, I too never thought that I was a girl trapped in a boys body, well you've read my past history anyway, but it's when I reflect and look back. that I can see that many of the signs that others have spoken about were there, but I never thought about it as GD, I just thought it was a fetish. I guess male social conditioning made me think that way............ Secrets are a burden and my secret made me unhappy, I'm so glad that I'm now free of it. But what of the future? I have learned that secrets are a burden so I don't want to ever deny that I'm trans..........if I do I'll probably be unhappy again. So glad that you've progressed into happiness, xoxo (I still can't help thinking this is some kind of stock cube!) Eve

It's been almost a year since I first openly acknowledged to myself, and then my therapist, that I am transgender (it was sometime in February). That got me to thinking last night about gender dysphoria. Early on I had read many accounts of people's experiences with GD, and I was having a hard time relating - most included comments about "knowing from early childhood that I was a girl trapped in a boy's body," etc., and I didn't really have those memories (I also recognized that at 48 years old I don't have a whole lot of any childhood memories). Then I started seeing other stories - including Janet Mock's - that resonated quite soundly with me! It was more about experiencing being the "wrong gender" as opposed to consciously knowing it. So I settled down, and the road has been much smoother since then. Anyway, on the point of GD. The best evidence that I now have that I had it is that I clearly no longer have it - it's in it's absence that it's most noticeable! On that day last February when I came out, a lifetime of depression and malaise lifted immediately and has not returned (not that i don't have down times, but it's not the same existential crisis that it used to be). I get really annoyed/angry when i hear about those who question if GD is real, or how serious it is - I know what my life was before and since, and my GD was very, very serious, even if I didn't recognize it as GD (for a good part of my life I don't know if the concept of GD even existed). Just some thoughts on the approach of my anniversary :-) (well, one of my anniversaries - I just have to figure out what date it was) xoxo Chrissy (BTW, I'm trying out "Chrissy" as a nickname)

​Hiya Emma. I bet You find the feelings get stronger each time. They did with Me, before I " Came-Out", which in itself, was like having A Massive Weight, Lifted-Off, Both Of My Shoulder's. Emma Sweetheart, You have absolutely No need to feel embarassed. We are Your Friend's that You are Speaking with. Emma like Eve, I also think that You are getting to the point of Not wanting to carry on living as You are, anymore and realising that You have to change. It Is Scary, Yes. Emma, when You feel like the time is right to change, go for it. We Are Here For You, When You Do. Sweet Lady, I Am So much Happier, Living Full-Time as the Female, that I have Always been inside. I think You may well feel the same way when You Change, and I think it may happen sooner, rather than later. When it Does happen, Embrace It, and Enjoy It ! Emma, Good Luck, Good Health, Take Care, And My Love And Very Best Wishes, Big Hugs, Stephanie. xxxoooxxx.

Hiya Emma. You are a very sensitive Young Lady, because You are Female. I Am very sensitive, and even before I " Came-Out " as Transsexual, My emotion's used to appear very easily. Emma, embrace Your Femininity, and don't shy away from it. Whether You do or do Not have G.R.S., does Not stop them from being Transgender/Transsexual. ( Personally, I Do want Full G.R.S. But that Is My Own Personal choice. ) Emma, Please remember thiis, I Am here for You, if ever You need to talk. I appreciate All the support that You show to Us All. Emma, Take Care Sweetheart, and Big Hug:s to You. With My Very Best Wishes, Stephanie. xx

"You're too sensitive." I've heard that so many times in my life. Worse, I believe it. I should not be hurt by rude people at work. I seem to be the only one who gets hurt. So no, I shouldn't be affected. I should not like how I feel when I wear my dresses. After all, it's just cloth. A fabric of threads. And I'm not supposed to like them. I should not be scared. Scared that people will discover how scared I am. Of being hurt. I should not even write this here. After all, I'm a mod; mods don't cry. "It's always all about you." That hurts too. A lot. So if I didn't feel then it wouldn't hurt snd it would not have to be about me. I should be happy, not sad. What have I got to be sad about? "I'll give you something to be sad about." Shoulds suck. I should forget that word, delete it from my vocabulary. I like it when I feel my truegender. Inside and out. But it's just a feeling and I don't know if it's okay to feel. Is it? It doesn't seem like it. My cursor gently blinks as I ponder clicking the Submit button. Maybe this is what blogs can be for. Sometimes to pour out my heart. Show the world that I feel. I don't like it and I don't know what to do with it but there it is.

Thank you Veronica :-) I tend to think that I wasn't capable of that kind of smile until say about a year ago. Eve, I just want the storms out of here, where they go from there is none of my business ;-) xoxo Chrissy

Dear Steph, Eve, Veronica, Thank you for your sincere and kind words. I feel that I should make a poster out of them and put them all on my wall. I promise that I will save and treasure them, and you. I am a little embarrassed here. Still feeling on edge and sensitive. I know from experience that these feelings come and go, ebb and flow, and in the intensity of the moment like last night I tend to catastrophize it all into binary, black or white, live or die. I suspect you know what I mean. Darn it, we are good people, loving people, and we just want to be loved and appreciated for the beauty that we have within and without, regardless of our birth sex, gender, or truegender. So, thank you again for writing. I truly appreciate your kindness. Love, Emma xxxoooxxx

Well it's the Tuesday following your east coast storm, thank you so much for taking the all the cold, cold snow out of it, but now that we have your cast off storm, I'd just like to add that you've sent too many of them across to us recently, you might have been thinking that you were helping us out, with watering our gardens and luscious fields of crops. But without wanting to cause any offence, please stop sending any more of your cast off weather over here for while, we've applied for some nice warm Saharan weather to blow northwards to us, so we'll probably be full up of weather for a while................ Hugs, Eve

Oh Emma, I really feel your sorrow, you're so right, should's are such crap. Should's are an excuse for the feelings of others close to you, should's are for not wanting to face imagined humiliations. Should's come from holding terrible secrets for so long. Should's are for people close to you who should know better, and be more understanding. Fact is that many of the people who should know and behave better, are scared of the unknown and their imaginings going on in their head, some even have secrets similar to yours, but hide them behind attacking others. You know that I had similar misgivings for most of my adult life, but eventually the secret became such a burden that I just had to let it go and confront the truth with everyone. My wife (now partner) had huge misgivings that we'd be ridiculed when out and about, especially when out on campsites with our caravan, those misgivings soon evaporated when we had more people befriending us than when I was a male (how I hate that word), she is now really happy with our lives, but this was because she gave it a chance to succeed. Oh whatever people say behind our backs out of earshot we couldn't give a toss about, we both know who our real friends are, and real friends don't do that. Of course if my wife hadn't given a chance for such a huge change to work, then we'd probably have split up, I just couldn't carry on living as I was, I needed change to survive. It really sounds to me as if you're pretty close to getting to the point of not wanting to carry on living as you are anymore and realising that you have to change. It's scary, yes I well remember going through it, but what you probably don't realise is that once you start the process of renewal it gets easier, ok, you'll probably have a few sticky moments and unthought of consequences can sometimes crop up that sort of push you headfirst at times, but when you look back at one of those consequences you realise how far you've travelled, a bit like like the ladders in snakes and ladders. I hope that you find some happiness soon, Eve

I was always a Fan of David Bowie's music. Changes, I always Loved. I was also a big Fan of Freddie Mercury too. I always felt that Queen's track's, were Freddie's life-story, put to music. The word's described Freddie's life. I was brought up with The Beatles, The Rolling Stones, Rod Stewart, and other "Great's" too, like Elvis Presley, and Black Sabbath. I have Not met Ozzie Osborne, but, I have met his wife Sharon, on 3 separate occasion's, when I delivered to their Buckinghamshire, U.K. home. Sharon is lovely, and I found her to be very down to earth, to speak with face to face.

Weighed myself today, two pounds less then what I was last year at this time (one week before surgery).