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Hi I'm going to be a good boy today and I'm not going to complain (much). Feeling fairly upbeat, actually - certainly compared to the last time I visited the site. Since I last wrote, my questionnaire responses were passed to an assessment counsellor, and she emailed me to arrange an appointment to talk. We spoke on the phone a few days ago. The worst part was that she covered ground that had already been covered in the questionnaire, in that she asked similar questions that touched on the same subjects, and while I kept my calm and provided the responses in a polite manner, I was still thinking to myself, "Why do you want to know intimate details about my sex life?" and, "Didn't you read the questionnaire?" She asked me what kind of lower surgery I want and I could feel myself getting exasperated (because my answer was on the questionnaire) so I had to take a few breaths before I responded. I don't even have a hormone prescription. At this point in time, surgery of any kind is quite possibly years away, judging by the pace of things in Gender Services. Can't they just give me the T before we get to that kind of discussion? I didn't say that out loud, of course. Anyhow, I managed to get through the interrogation without messing up too much, I think, because the next day, the online GP emailed to ask if I was ok after the conversation, and ask whether I needed any more 'counselling'. I hadn't felt as if I'd had any 'counselling' though. If I'm totally honest, I feel that the conversation with the so-called assessment counsellor was a waste of her time because we basically rehashed the questionnaire. But what do I know? Maybe she was reading between the lines, or monitoring stress levels in my voice, or drawing conclusions from the pauses in my answers to the questions. Or maybe she was checking that I was giving the same answers as I'd already provided. I haven't a clue. It's part of the process, I realise that. And I have to play the game. The truth is, I don't need any counselling from her. I have a very nice counsellor already. I've been seeing him on a weekly basis for a couple of months. He's great. And I can continue to see him for as long as I want. He has boosted my confidence and reassured me about many things. I always feel better after I've had a session with him. And I had a session with him yesterday. I know I said, a while back, that I didn't want to see a psychologist or psychiatrist, but I think I was being stubborn back then. I can recommend it now. Even though, when I first visited him, I didn't think it was going to be a useful exercise, I can say now that it has been. So, I still don't know whether I'm going to get a T prescription from this online doc anytime soon, but do you know what? I've survived this long without one, so I have decided I can survive as long as it takes. And if I have to wait another two years, I'll wait another two years. Gotta go now. The football is starting soon. I'm sitting here, resplendent in my Republic of Ireland jersey, waiting for kickoff. Come on, Ireland!

Ya know... sometimes, I can't help but wonder if the GIC intentionally drags out these initial appointment dates. For one thing, there is nothing that I'm aware of in the SOC that indicate a person must endure a one or two year RL test BEFORE they can even get on hormones - which from my understanding, that is what will happen once you do get in and get evaluated. It's almost as if the system there has formulated their own rules intended to make it as difficult as possible for the person, which seem to be about as inhumane and barbaric as the SOC were 50 or so years ago. The GIC can't be seeing THAT many trans people - after all, we are allegedly such a minority. And a minuscule one, at that. And I realize that the SOC are simply intended to be a guideline for care, but I fail to understand why they can't follow those guidelines a little more closely rather than making patients suffer. It's disheartening that you had to deal with the insensatively intrusive questionaire, but hopefully going with a private doctor will turn out to be the better of the two evils. And a quicker route to where you need to be. -Michael

Dear Jay, Each time I read a blog post that doesn't have those stars at the rop already colored in I wonder, should I do it? We always click on them so I feel kind of odd about it. But for your post just now, it is obvious that it's a 5-star. No need to apologize of course about being away. It's great to hear from you though. I'm sorry about the screwy GIC. I wonder why they run it that way. It can't be to save money can it? Maybe they think that be delaying people will decide they don't need the service. Stupid, I agree. I think it's great that you've reached out for private care. I know their questionnaire was frustrating and insulting but you gotta play the game because unlike GIC at least they seem to want to play with you, and you know what you need. Stay in touch if you can, and if not, no guilt my friend. Warm hugs, Emma