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Well, nearly. I ordered my first month's supply two days ago and received confirmation yesterday that the order had been fulfilled. It's on its way. When I was getting ready for work this morning, after spending entirely too much time watching the news and the discussions about the UK referendum and the decision to leave the EU, I looked at myself in the bathroom mirror. That's something I don't often do - not unless I have to - and I realised, with something of a jolt, that I look like my brother. People have occasionally in the past told me that I look like my dad but I've never been able to see that resemblance. I have thought that my brother looks like my dad, though. And then suddenly, today, I could see my own resemblance to my brother. After all these years, I don't understand why I could see it today. Maybe I'm looking at myself differently somehow? Maybe I just looked properly for once. Maybe it was there all along and I never saw it. To me, my brother bears a striking resemblance to Matt Dillon. I've always thought that about him but never told him. I'm kind of glad I kept my mouth shut now. But I certainly wouldn't mind looking like that one day.

As I mentioned in my last posting, I had a consultation in Philadelphia on Monday about bottom surgery - it went very well, I liked the surgeon a lot and liked the work that she showed me. So I'm scheduled for December 27 :-) I had anticipated waiting until spring because of school, but classes finish in the fall on December 23, and there's over a month before spring classes, so this worked out, and financially it's VERY helpful as it lets me get this under my current insurance, and in the same year as top surgery so that I have only 1 deductible to worry about. I had a "gut check" moment while waiting for the surgeon - this time my gut's response was "leave me alone! this is good!" - so apparently my gut is getting a little annoyed at me checking-in too much. I drove down (hate driving, but it seemed easier), and the drive back was awesome - nothing about the drive itself, just knowing that I'm getting this done, that it's scheduled and before we start 2017 I will be just about as much of a woman as I can be :-) (physically at least) Now I get to have the conversation with my brother in which I tell him :-) That should be fine, we've already spoken about me being trans and he's totally supportive, just awkward having any medical discussions with him.

That's so good to read this Friday morning when everyone around me is talking doom and gloom. It's funny but I read this and thought to myself 'You want what I have and vice versa - can't we just swap bodies?' then I read the comment you had left for me - and I can see you were thinking the same kind of thing I wish you well in your continued journey and am so pleased that you have this to look forward to. It's great news.

Hi Michele and Christie, I have a fair amount of animosity toward my mother too. I can't help but wonder where I got the shame I felt when, as a preschooler, I knew that wanting to play with the girls, do girl things like play ballerina, and so forth. I know this: she spanked me for many infractions so I can only assume she tried hard to spank those notions right out of my head. Obviously it didn't work. I'd ask her and my father but both are gone, and I have no siblings, so I can only wonder. But my shame was also reinforced by Ray Blanchard and his cohorts. As I grew up and came across anything to do with transsexualism, transvestism, I ​absorbed it (in secret). I was drawn to information. As I think about it now I don't know why I didn't go to the library. Might not have found anything but who knows. But I must move on, forward. It doesn't do me good to dwell or hold resentments. I've learned so much in the past several years, that we are all normal, lovable, and respectable the way we are. I sometimes mentally trip on that but overall I'm coming to accept myself. I hope everyone who reads this is too. BTW, a side effect of these feelings - that I believe many trans people share - is a tendency to overthink. We try to control ourselves, how people interact with us, and are often compelled to wonder "what might have been." Speaking for myself I think this arose from the shame of who I really was. Like living a lie that I had to constantly protect against others' awareness. As we share ourselves and are vulnerable, shame dwindles into nothingness. It's largely self-imposed, after all, and once its reason for existence is removed, we have the freedom and inner power to be ourselves, to be rightfully proud of ourselves. Hugs, Emma

Best wishes Chrissy. Go, go, go. XXX

As an English purist I have to lead with this, it's "woo hoo" :-) But FAR more important - CONGRATS!!!!!!!!! I always find it interesting that transmen and transwomen share one huge thing in common, the desire to "correct" our gender (or whatever terminology people choose to use), but literally every detail after that is the exact opposite :-) I've spent the last 10 months taking a prescription to stop my testosterone from happening - if only they could find a way to let us do one-for-one switches!!! I would happily give you every drop of testosterone I have (unless I actually need some amount to stay alive, then I'd hold back a bit)

Congratulations Jay.