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It's not just that first introduction to cheating from my dad, it's his general behavior on top of it. He constantly preaches responsibility, and yet when it's HIS behavior that requires it suddenly we're all crazy and he never did anything wrong (he's huge into gaslighting everyone when it's him). And then raising me to validate cheaters if their partners don't make them 100% happy. He and my stepmom literally taught me all my life that it's my mothers fault he cheated (I was three, and at my grandparents all week, and they wouldn't watch me on weekends because they thought my parents should actually raise me some of the time too, and Dad wanted to go out all weekend drinking for example), and that the reason he never cheated on my stepmom was she literally subsumed her whole life into him. And it wasn't until the last ten years or so ago that I realized how REALLY unhealthy all that is. Not to mention all his talk about blood ties being SO IMPORTANT and the man makes every effort NOT to connect to my son. Literally the only time in my offsprings life that my father asked to spend time alone with him was...to teach an emotionally unstable 10 year old to shoot guns. I wish I was kidding. Daniel inherited a hormonal disorder from his biological paternal family, and had a lot of challenges growing up that were based physically, where as I had a lot based environmentally. both difficult childhoods, but we got through them. But yes, let's teach a 10 year old who at that time has severe mood swings and is too young to consider medication to help because of the nature of the disorder and the effect of hormones on the brain to shoot guns. THAT can't possibly go wrong! *sighs* Now that he's an adult and pretty much grown up of that, he can learn anything he wants, but he's not a big fan of guns. So you can see it's a giant, interconnected can of worms. And let's just say it's been interesting since I opened it.

Jay, Oh, right, you're in the UK - how is all that going? I woke up in the middle of the night and thought to check, was shocked to see the result! Now just waiting for Scotland to vote again and leave the UK! I'm of Scottish descent, would like to see them break free :-)

That's so good to read this Friday morning when everyone around me is talking doom and gloom. It's funny but I read this and thought to myself 'You want what I have and vice versa - can't we just swap bodies?' then I read the comment you had left for me - and I can see you were thinking the same kind of thing I wish you well in your continued journey and am so pleased that you have this to look forward to. It's great news.

Just been thinking on the title of your blog. "On being me". How about "On becoming me" just a thought. Big hugs.

Dear Briannah and Friends, To my parents' credit, they did not cheat on one another. Perhaps it was because my father's first wife cheated on him while he fought in WW II. Don't believe in double standards. Never cheated on my partner, and I don't date the ex's of my ex's or friends. Sadly, even after agreeing to be exclusive, I have had partners who cheated on me from the beginning. They weren't faithful even when we were courting! For what it is worth, looking back, these cheaters were very likely Bipolar. My only recommendation is to court for a YEAR, before moving in together (it is hard to keep up a lie for a year or more, but a few (sociopaths) are able to do it. And, my second recommendation is the 90 day rule (and this was before Steve Harvey thought it up!), which is not to be sexually intimate before 90 days. What concerns me about your father, was that he had relations with minors, which makes him a pedophile. Am sure the girl was not his first nor his last. If that girl was my daughter, he would be in JAIL. Am glad you turned out a great woman, despite an abusive childhood. AND YES, what you describe is CHILD ABUSE! Your friend, Monica

Dear Friends, Growing up, I was much closer to my father than to my mother. The physical abuse from my mother started when I was four years old, when she saw me shooting up in height, and that I was not going to be petite like her. Also was physically abused by my father because I was unplanned and not brilliant. Think parents have expectations and hopes for their children, and when they are not fulfilled, parents can be deeply disappointed. If only parents realized that they do not own their children, but are loaned their children by the Higher Power! Am pleased I found reconciliation with both parents well before they died! Your friend, Monica

Big hug. Yes

Hiya all I think by letting my animosity go into writing, the realization that I was hampered in a way becomes acceptable. Because if I didn't have to overcome any of this, I might not have had the urge as a child to understand the differences in genders and so doing might have been a total jerk or bigot when it came to gender or equality. I also believe because of this I sculpted the way my father looked at gender and sexuality, because I know he would've looked at it differently if it didn't happen to his baby. So changing an older generation into accepting what is as old as time but was never talked about is an achievement in itself. Knowing that I do have support and I do acknowledge all in the struggles of gender and sexuality not because I'm part of the struggle but have a greater understanding of it in the same time. I appreciate that I was allowed to broaden my knowledge as I pleased by my father, and that he took the stand to say till here and no further for my mother. So yes, a dictator was in my family and that role was filled by the member you would think of as masculine or the father figure, and turned out to be the mother, supposedly nurturer, supposedly supporter of offspring. Total reversal of roles, but I got my emotional and physical support even if it wasn't from your atypical gender form, and I am grateful he was in my life for 19 years of my life. I'm glad I got to work with his tender side, to have the nurturing love of a strong man that in the end even taught his granddaughter that the love she experienced, and she was worthy to know the meaning not just the word love. Love all Hugs and kisses Michele

Hiya Chrissy. Us " Trans Women " ARE " Real Women ", and Your T-Shirt, IT IS Something that I Hope that You Will feel Very Proud to Wear. Chrissy, I Am Very Proud of You, for marching in the new York Pride. ( I Had Hoped to go to London Pride, but, sadly My Wife decided to go away Today, and I had to stay at Home, with Our Children. There Will Be other year's ! ). At London Pride, the U.K.'s International Development Secretary - Ms. Justine Greening, announced at London Pride - Today, that She Is In a Same-Sex-Relationship. Wow ! What a Time and Place to make an announcement like that ! Good Luck to Justine and Her Partner. Chrissy, like Yourself, I have Always Wished, that I had been born a Cisgender Female. Still, Never Mind Chrissy. We are Both on Our Way, to Physically be the Female's that We Have always been inside. ( Chrissy, You are Both Very Pretty, and very Beautiful. You are also well on the way, to being who You Really are. Good Luck to You Sweetheart. I Mean That - Sincerely ! I Am Very Proud, that You are one of My Friend's, here on TGGuide. ). Chrissy, I hope that You Enjoy Pride. Have an absolutely Fantastic Day. I Really Look Forward to seeing Your Photo's. Chrissy, Take Care, And My Very Best Wishes, Love Stephanie. xxxxxxxx

Hiya Michele; Veronica; Chrissy; and Emma. Emma, what a Great Description. You are so right, about We can " Be rightfully proud of ourselves. " We All have a Massive Amount to be Proud Of. Have a Good Day, and a Great Weekend ahead. Take Care Michele; Veronica; Chrissy; and Emma. With My Very Best Wishes, Love Stephanie. xxxx

Hi Michele and Christie, I have a fair amount of animosity toward my mother too. I can't help but wonder where I got the shame I felt when, as a preschooler, I knew that wanting to play with the girls, do girl things like play ballerina, and so forth. I know this: she spanked me for many infractions so I can only assume she tried hard to spank those notions right out of my head. Obviously it didn't work. I'd ask her and my father but both are gone, and I have no siblings, so I can only wonder. But my shame was also reinforced by Ray Blanchard and his cohorts. As I grew up and came across anything to do with transsexualism, transvestism, I ​absorbed it (in secret). I was drawn to information. As I think about it now I don't know why I didn't go to the library. Might not have found anything but who knows. But I must move on, forward. It doesn't do me good to dwell or hold resentments. I've learned so much in the past several years, that we are all normal, lovable, and respectable the way we are. I sometimes mentally trip on that but overall I'm coming to accept myself. I hope everyone who reads this is too. BTW, a side effect of these feelings - that I believe many trans people share - is a tendency to overthink. We try to control ourselves, how people interact with us, and are often compelled to wonder "what might have been." Speaking for myself I think this arose from the shame of who I really was. Like living a lie that I had to constantly protect against others' awareness. As we share ourselves and are vulnerable, shame dwindles into nothingness. It's largely self-imposed, after all, and once its reason for existence is removed, we have the freedom and inner power to be ourselves, to be rightfully proud of ourselves. Hugs, Emma

Best wishes Chrissy. Go, go, go. XXX

Hiya Chrissy. Your News is Brilliant, Honey. I Am So Pleased for You, and You Must Be So Pleased and Happy. You Can Be Very Proud Of Yourself. Chrissy, You Will Finally Be The Real Woman You Are ! Congratulations Young Lady. You Are A Lucky Girl. Chrissy, Well Done, Take Care, And My Very Best Wishes, Love Stephanie. xxxx

Michele, Thank you so much for sharing that - I have to admit that I've never met someone who is intersex - or at least I don't know that I did, so it's an experience/identity that I know very little about. I hope that you'll share more of your experience here. Your experience with your mother definitely resonated with me - I've struggled for awhile over thinking that my parents in so many ways failed me as a child - not in the same way that you experienced, but in terms of a form of neglect, mostly emotional. For so long I was hung up between "my parents screwed up," and the defense that "maybe they did the best they could?" My therapist recently added something incredibly useful to help me move past that dialogue - "I needed more." I found that helped a lot, it helped me move past wondering if they were to blame, or if they were blameless - either way, I needed more. Anyway, again, I hope you'll continue to share your thoughts and experiences! xoxo Chrissy

Hiya Michele. One of My Own Friend's was born inter-sexed. She was brought up as a Male, but, in Adult-hood, has had Surgery, and Lives as She always wanted, and that is as a Female. She was lucky, she was able to choose Her Own Gender. My Friend Is Very Attractive. I meet up with My Friend, and Her Boyfriend, regularly. Michele, You are also Very Beautiful, and Very Pretty. Michele, You are You, and You Deserve to be Happy. Take Good Care of Yourself, And My Very Best Wishes, Love Stephanie. xxxx

Hiya Chrissy. It Is so Good to hear from You. Well You have got a lot to look forward to. Good Luck for Your Appointment on Monday, about Your Bottom- Surgery, and Good Luck for Your Appointment in Mid-July, about Your Top -Surgery. The fact that You are having Your Top-Surgery on 19th. August, Must be Very Exciting. Seeing out time in a job, I Know is Very Boring. Good Luck for the NYU. Chrissy, You Should Be Very Proud of How Well, You Have Already Done, and How Far You Have Already Come. Look Back, at where You were, when You started that job, to where You are Now ! Chrissy, Well Done Honey. Stay In Touch with Us, and Let Us All Know, How thing's go. Speak Soon, Take Care, And My Very Best Wishes, Love Stephanie. xxxx

*Hugs for Steph* I know, it's just easier said than done sometimes. Especially as my family went from huge to really small as time takes it's price and there are less and less around. I am healthier about this crazy weirdness between him and I than I've ever been, and progress continues, just sometimes...I don't know what to do with it all. I'm sort of surprised, so far silence from the other camp since I wrote the essay on it and posted it where it was visible. It wasn't directed at them purely, it was a I'm tired of all these people trying to defend their crappy actions blaming them on the spouses rather than their own internal lack of integrity. And looking to me to validate it. Yeah, I was raised that way, but as an adult I see that it was wrong. Meh.

Hiya Briannah, and Emma. I agree with Both ofYou Ladies. It Is Never right to cheat. I have Never, Ever, Cheated; on any Relationship. However, My Wife has been cheating on Me, for over 21 Month's, with Other Men, and Other Women. She Is Bisexual; but only " Came-Out " to Me about it in the last 5 Year's; long after We first got together - which is over 20 Year's; and long after We got Married - which is a few week's short of 18 Year's. Yet, when I first " Came-Out " as Transsexual; to Her, on 30th. April, 2015; then I started buying Female-Clothing; Undies; Nightwear; Shoes; etc., and Wearing them; and Fully; Full-Time; Female-Living; on 1st. May, 2015; She said that I should have told Her, before We got Married. Although She says that She did Not need to tell Me, before We got Married. Our Physical Relationship, has been over, for 14 Month's anyway. However, She has been metering-out Domestic Violence to Me, for Well Over 8 Year's, and I have got the Physical Scar's to Prove it. She and Our Middle-Son; were " Trapping " Me, between the Front-Door; and the Front-Door-Frame; 22 1/2 Day's ago. A Neighbour Phoned the Police. This is the 4 th. time, in a very few Month's, that Neighbour's have called the Police, because, I have been getting Gender-Domestic-Abuse; from Her, against Me. I Am now Officially Registered; with Our Local Women's Aid Charity, as a Domestic-Violence Victim ! ( I Am only under the Same-Roof, because We have got 3 Special-Need's-Children ! But, I now want out of here, which I Am now trying to organise. Briannah, You My Darling Friend, should think of the 3 Most-Importamt People - Yourself; Nikki; and Your Son. Forget Your Cheating Father. He was only ever interested in Himself, and Not You. Briannah, Speak Soon, Take Care, And My Very Best Wishes; to You - Bree; and to Nikki; and to Your Son; Love Stephanie. xxxx Emma, Speak Soon, Take Care, And My Very Best Wishes; to You - Emma, and to Your Wife; Love Stephanie. xxxx

Yeah. There's just this stupidly complicated dynamic between me and him, and I'm trying to figure out how to change it without destroying the dwindling amount of family I have left. I don't know that it's possible. It feels more and more like it's eat the poison pudding or lose everything. But if I have to choose, no more poison pudding. I'd rather have just Nikki and my son than keep eating that pudding. My dad has a real feeling that consequences are for everyone, until it means him. *Headdesk* I don't know that this can be navigated in a positive way without me being willing to let him continue like that.

"... it's never okay to cheat..." 100% agree. Never cheating has always been a mainstay with my wife and me, and I've assured her (truthfully) that I never have, either with her, my ex-wife, or long ago girlfriends. We need to reassure each other on things like this because of our histories. What your father did was inexcusable. I wonder where he got the idea that his behavior was okay? Maybe from others in his family or friends/associates. I feel fortunate that I didn't have such role models for that, or misogyny, or violence. Lots of other crap to be sure but none of those. I think it's terrific you're doing what you need to do. It's your father's responsibility to take ownership of his actions, or not. You can't control him. But it's perfectly okay to put him on notice. Hugs, Emma

Hiya Karen. It Is so Good to see You here. How Are You Young Lady ? Okay, I Hope ! Karen, firstly, Congratulations on Your Voice. Secondly, Your Looks ! Karen Payne, You are one of the Most Beautiful and Pretty Young Ladies. You are Stunning, and Gorgeous ! Karen, Anyone meeting You, especially for the first time, ARE going to look at You, as if You are a Natural-Born-Female. Karen, I have been Female-Living for just over a Year now, and a lot of My Female Friend's, have told Me, that I can now " Pass " well. But, I Am nowhere near as Lovely as You are Honey. Karen, As for Your advice on Voice-Training, I Am getting Fairly Good, especially when out in Public, but, back with My Children, and Er-Indoors, Well !! I Can tell You sometime else about that ! As for You, meeting-up with Your Friend's, who thought that You are a Cis-gender Female, It just goes to Prove, what a Pretty and Beautiful Young Lady You Are ! I have seen so many of Your Photograph's on TGGuide, that back-up that remark as well. By the way, How is Your " Sister ", who We have seen You with ? I hope She is Okay too ! Are You still going out on Your car journey's on Saturday's ? Karen, Speak Soon, Take Care, And My Very Best Wishes, Love Stephanie. xxxx