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Hi all As always non cryptic headings. This week was endo week and yes the vampires took blood from me twice. Results were good and I didn't fear any of it. Now last night, not as per usual. But with usual actions led me to self examination. Yes, I've been wiping myself since the beginning of times and felt an irregularity last night. Started feeling myself, not out of being horny or anything, but feeling something I'm not use too. Thought at the beginning that I imagined something and found a lump by my hoohaa. Yes, a lump and the mass isn't dense just a softish density of an almost roundish to oval shape. No fears right, none at all. So off to bed I went. Now, I'm growing kind of apprehensive because I know the negatives that goes with it and I also realize that I don't want to be sick in front of my mother that came for a funeral, because she wouldn't want to leave, and will end in making me more anxious. I also have to work irregular hours for the next week or so as it is national elections here. So I'll just be strong as I don't and can't afford to be sick now, I've got 100's of policemen and women relying on me, not including the public members that are bordering close to half a million people. And yes, I'm a firm believer of the protection being healthy and strong to perform their duties. I'll be in an office directing and redirecting everyone. I will look after myself as soon as I am capable of booking myself in for medical treatments, make that surgery to illuminate or strengthen all fears that I'm just human too... Cheers for now Lots of hugs Michele

Talked to the HR Director at HQ today (finally) and disclosed that I plan to transition within 6 months. I had typed up a long letter to give to her or read (it was the easiest letter to write ...). But instead of reading it, I decided that she and I would benefit more from a two-way conversation. It went really well. It turned out that a close friend of hers and her family just went full-time (MTF), so she was really, really excited for me, which surprised me. LOL. Anyways, I wanted to feel her out and see if she wanted to drive this or if I could. Basically she told me to do what I thought was right for me. Which was really great. So, I have a meeting scheduled with one of the project leads and am meeting with my VP this week after that. I have a follow-up with her tentatively planned for Tuesday to talk detailed timelines at which point we will approach the president. I am really excited about this. Hell, I was excited before the call. It was LONG overdue. So, I know that this is going to "rock" some worlds. But anyone who has known me for a long time, I am pretty fearless when I commit to a decision. So it will be interesting how this will affect the dynamics of the office and my primary customer. It should be interesting and a great learning experience for me. And honestly, I see a much, much better life for myself, better relationships due to do me being able to be fully open with others and being true to myself. I will be able to connect at a much deeper level, more than I ever have my entire life. Also, I won't be wasting my life anymore trying to be someone else. Or by meeting someone else's expectations. I am truly free of the burdens, bonds and boundaries that I have placed around myself. It really is a "good thing". :-) So, my wife's family now knows. And they have been super kind to me, which has caught me off guard and totally by surprise, because my wife and I are not staying together. There are more people that I need to tell over the next couple of weeks, but I am seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. I am testing my wings. They are strong and they are beautiful. This is going to be an awesome ride!!

Three times today I had people open the door for me. Anyone having the same experiences lately? Dawn

Hi Lisa I love the way you tackling the world. Sounds like I can take some hints from you when I need to get some fuel to continue. Stay strong ma'am, your supporters are routing for you. Hugs Michele

Hi Michele, yes, sorry life is so testing. I have been tickling the grey cells as Agatha Christie's Poirot says. May I suggest thinking of it as ownership. You own your own poo but you don't own other people's. Your walking along and you see some doggy poo. It's not yours so you have choices what to do. Taking ownershio for it doesn't leave you any choices than to sort it. What I am trying to say is the same as Emma I think. Take ownership only for what is yours. If I came home every day to a sink full of dirty dishes from my family. I could think they just leave these for me to wash and I have no choice but to wash them. I would feel very angry and shout you make me so angry. If instead I said to myself, I feel really hurt that they leave the pots for me to wash I would have choices. Leave them, wash mine and put them on one side saying they are mine don't you dare use them, put them in the trash and say if you want a plate they are in the bin or that's it, I have had enough and I am leaving. One is giving the power to control me away and make me angry. The other is keeping the power and ownership for my feelings giving me choices. Hope this is helpful, if it's a load of poo, throw it down the loo. Whatever lots of love and I hope you soon feel more in control. X

Dear Lisa, I also echo Stephanie and Chantel's messages. Your wings are indeed strong and beautiful. You soar, girl! Emma

Hi Lisa, May I reiterate what Steph has said. Well done and best wishes for the future. Sorry to hear your splitting up and my heart is with you. As with Steph. Any time you need to download or talk about stuff feel free. I often need to talk and share stuff so know bottling it up is no good. Big hugs.

Hiya Lisa. Darling Girl, I Am so Pleased to hear Your News. Good on You, Young Lady. Lisa, I Am literally a few day's short of A Year-And-A-Quarter, being MtoF Fully; Full-Time. I Know the Awesome Feeling, that You ARE going through. Sweetheart, it is a truly Wonderful Thing, that You have got the Support at Work as well. Lisa, I Am So Proud of You, Young Lady. Please Know, that I Am here, if You wish to talk, or if You need Any support. Lisa, You said that You and Your Wife, are Not staying together. Well Darling, My Own Marriage is over, and We are Only still under the Same-Roof, ( At The Moment ), because of Our 3 Special-Needs-Children. But, She has been cheating on Me, for nearly 2 Year's, with Other Women; and Other Men !! Lisa, a lot of Marriages end due to Transitioning, but Lisa, be like Me, Keep Smiling, Keep Thinking Positive, and just think Honey, You WILL BE the Beautiful Butterfly on The Outside, that You Already ARE, on The Inside. Lisa, Good Luck Sweetheart, Take Care, And My Very Best Wishes, Big Hug's and Cuddle's, Love Stephanie. xxxx

Sorry that you're having to face all this crap, Michele. It sucks and it sounds like you feel very alone. We can't be there by your side physically but we are there spiritually. You do have friends here who care for you, accept you fully, and wish you peace and harmony. Nice words, but only words. I wish I could offer more. Keep writing, keep up the good fight.