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Several months ago I wrote about a person who had a botched surgery where the outcome was rectovaginal fistula. My part was simply support prior to surgery and assist if needed with dilation processes. Well after just over a week out of the hospital I pretty much ended my involvement with her as she was taken back in for corrective surgery and have not spoke to her. Last night at a bar, several cross-dressers met, we were having a great time then she walked in, sat down, we all said hello. She did not look happy, matter of fact she never looks happy since I've met her. Every single person I've met before surgery was either happy or not happy because they wanted surgery. After surgery all but this one was very happy. So I asked how she was doing, she lifted up her top and said this is her until February, it's a colostomy bag. She said it needs to be emptied 7 to 8 times a day. About an hour after that she walked off, we didn't know where she went. Shortly afterwards I said goodbye to everyone as I had things to get done for a trip to Washington State. On the way out I saw her sitting by herself looking very sad but knew if I asked why I would be stuck there. When I got home she had posted on Facebook that we were not a problem, she was. This to me is a huge red flag and although I don't truly know her think she is heading down a dark path. Did the transformation in regards to bottom surgery cause unhappiness? I don't believe it did, instead there is much more going on but not being a professional have no clue to what is troubling her. Is there a lesson here? May be, may be not, I would like people to think through what the outcome will be after they have corrective gender surgery as it may not be the life one believed it should be. You have to have realistic expectations else you may be playing with your life.

Good point, Karen. You are underscoring the need that not only does one need a good gender therapist to help with their consideration, decisions, and plans, they also need to come into that process with openness and honesty. Easier said than done.

Hello Emma - Thanks - You too are a delightful person. I keep wanting to meet everyone as we are all in this life journey together. (Not practical but we do have a lot to share) Emma - You are treasured, yes, and of course loved. Dawn

With no disrespect I’ve been noticing the more I’m with cross-dressers that two things (at least from my experience in the last several years) is, the majority of cross-dressers will not transition so they are part-timers only and that they never attempt to mask their voice to female mode and one reason I believe for the voice aspect is they only do to trans-friendly establishments. Keeping with voice, I’ve only met three post-op transgender and I’m astonished to find they don’t attempt to change their voice what-so-ever. Sure they are many transgender people that do this, myself included as this fills the package but for the life of me don’t understand when asked why they don’t the common response is “I’m happy just like this” but at the same time get frustrated when they are addressed as “he” which I’ve personally heard when out with two of them. I tell them, if you expected to live your life as a female one must put some effort into the voice else people will not treat you as female and let’s put another thing into this, if you don’t fully pass facially but sound female you will for the most part be treated as a female while fully passing physically and sounding masculine most time you will not pass but believe you have because most people will treat you that way only so to be polite. In the end it’s their life and their decisions made in regards to a voice will either make life roll along smoothly or create pot holes.

Hi Karen, What you say is very true and I am sure most of us would like to sound right but our aptitude and abilities vary. I know how difficult and how silly I feel when I am practising my voice. I have every sympathy but you are right we should try harder. Thank you for spurring me on. X