Hello Judy and welcome to TGGuide. It sure sounds to me like you're transgender, which is a reason you're drawn to study and consider what it is to be a woman. It's perfectly okay to crossdress on occasion to make yourself feel good. The point is to help oneself manage their dysphoria. For some (many?) cross dressing is all that they need. Or maybe it's all they can do at this point in time so it's much better and satisfying to do than try to go on without it. And of course there are many who find that crossdressing isn't enough for them, and they eventually go on to hormones and surgeries. The main thing to be aware of and accept is that being transgender isn't a choice. Also, it's not something that can be "cured", it's not a disease, and it's not going away. We are born this way and like people who are left handed or blue eyed, we deserve the same love and respect as anyone else. So I'd ask you: what is your awareness of transgender, yourself, and your acceptance of yourself? It can be hard to go through all this, it sure was for me. If it is for you, have you considered seeing a therapist? It helps to talk about this with a professional, especially therapists who are aware of gender concerns. Please look around TGGuide, learn, and post your thoughts and questions. We are all happy to help in any way that we can. Emma