Leaderboard

Hey Blue, I'm now in the Yukon Territory, just north of British Columbia. You'd love it. Miles and miles of trees, rolling hills and mountains, streams, rivers and lakes, and everything a rainbow of greens, every shade, every color. I'm like a birder as I drive along, often not seeing another vehicle for five minutes or more, wondering what type of tree I'm seeing. I think I need to buy a book on trees. It's so beautiful and yet, as I entered another campground today I couldn't help but feel a little uncomfortable as men checked me out, wearing titanium studs in my ears, my gray hair getting a bit longer than male. The scenery is fantastic. I've seen black bears, bison, goats, and others along the roads. I expect to see mire and more and am finally keeping my camera locked and loaded by me seat. Still, I feel that I should keep to myself as I fear recourse from others who might sense an opportunity to make a point. I think I'll be fine, but...

I was just thinking what an adventure you are on even before you used the word. I also realize how difficult that decision can be because my last moving decision was such a tradeoff. I am such a nature lover and love being surrounded by trees and wilderness and ocean, if possible, or at least a sense of wilderness with as few cars, traffic, and pollution of all types, including air, water, radiation, and light pollution. On the other hand, I love gourmet and natural/organic foods and ethnic foods like thai, indian, and sushi. Nature place was a wasteland for good restaurants, natural foods, and even good produce, which I really need.. Some other huge factors too that made it such a difficult decision and two different possible kinds of lives.

I'm on my iPad and it's harder to type so forgive bad typing and weird syntax. Spent yesterday checking out target town and it was surprisingly awesome. The park is so big and twisty we actually got lost and it took nearly an hour and Nikki trying to drive on a pedestrian only path to find our way back out. Lol. The Victorian is a no go it has a five foot deep back yard. But the modern looking second house of which I have zero idea what style name to call it is in a lovely location and workable yard. It's been on the market six months so there is a chance it will still be there. Here's hoping. The Chinese food at the restaurant we tried for lunch wasn't bad either. Target town has hills I've been living on the flat pancake of the I feel a little more like Emma now and maybe this can be an adventure instead of crazy.

Hi all, It took me a little to figure out how to get my pics on here (apparently I can't do it on my phone, it has to be on a computer so that I can resize the pics). Below are three pics - two of them show the top that I wore for Pride - they gave us the t-shirts for marching with NYU, I modified mine, cuz ya know, boobs. It worked out nicely since the "Y" in "NYU" is centered so that I could cut the V into the top of it. One of these also shows the Trans pride flag that I had for the march :-) The march itself was fun, except for the beginning. We met at our staging area at 3:30 p.m. and didn't step off until 5:30 - it gets really hard standing around one area for 2 hours! But it was a lot of fun marching with NYU (this is the only year that I could do it as a current student, I didn't want to miss that). We had a couple of hundred people show up for our contingent (apparently about 1000 signed up, not all showed up of course). I broke off at around 7:00 (we were a little more than 1/2 way done with the march). Pattaya (my friend who does drag, who used to let me guest perform at her shows all the time) was doing a show at Le Singe Vert that ended at 8, so I didn't want to miss it. The last picture is of the two of us :-) So overall a good experience - I probably won't march again though, I'll just watch, it's more fun :-) But this was the first Pride that I could do as physically a complete woman, so marching seemed right :-) It also helped me overcome some of the ambivalence I have over identifying as transgender. When it came down to it, I marched carrying a trans pride flag, so clearly I'm ok identifying as such. xoxo Chrissy

oh yeah, emma, that's my kind of trip, just what I long for, but hopefully one of these years. the world of trees, mountains, waterfalls and fast rivers, and forest creatures feels like home to me or one of my home bases. there's a serpent, though, in every paradise and it usually takes human form. it is so sad and unfair but a reality to have to wonder about who might be an aggressive predator and having to keep your eyes open for them, even though they are few and far between, I hope. I also hope most of the extra attention is curiosity and even perhaps a little special interest or admiration, but you'll probably find that much more in your expanding Seattle world as the more outwardly feminine you..

Great to see you, Chrissy! I'm so glad to hear you had a nice time. I can well imagine doing it once and watching from the sidelines next year!

Hi Chrissy, Thank you, I'm looking forward to returning to my new home area in Seattle, where I am more confident that all will be okay. That said, I am making plans to have my hair styled in a more feminine way - as best I can until it grows out even more - and then using public transportation to travel around the city, to the conference center, various professional appointments with doctors, therapists, and just being myself. Even with the encouragement I've received I am apprehensive. Most of my worries are about looking "okay" but I felt that chill and fear yesterday. I remember the men's eyes, following me and not in a friendly way. Maybe they weren't threatening, perhaps just curious. I hope it's mostly the latter. Emma

This is such a great, concise way of summing up the experience of transitioning. I've said a number of times to friends that the past couple of years have been the most amazing, and the most terrifying years of my life - and neither term adequately expresses the actual feelings behind them. I hope that the "I'll be fine" part continues to outweigh the "but..." part! Xoxo Chrissy

Bri, life has too many stresses and scary things. It's all well and good to call them challenges, learning experiences, and all that, but things can be so much better and easier in theory and mind or fantasy than in the outside world. it would be nice to weed some out or at least have safe refuges from them within yourself, your relationships, and immediate surroundings. You seem to have that so much with Nikki as you chart your future and find and create your beautiful yard. Hope you find a buyer soon so that big piece of non-peace can fall away.

Hi Blue! it's been a crazy ride, but as things are slowly pulling together I'm doing better. I have had my disorders so long, and generally function around them so well, that I mostly actually forget they are there until I make a dumb choice like that and poke them hard and jump off the emotional cliff as it were. It's why I always try to have backup plans for my backup plans, it's a coping mechanism for the terrorizing panic attacks I'm prone to. Life, no one gets out unscarred. ​ I am eyeing a nice Victorian, it needs a lot of cosmetic work, but the price is low, but I'm a bit worried about the yard. The yard looks like it won't work, and that's non-negotiable. I'll live in a plain uncharismatic ranch with a gorgeous yard if I have to. LOL Nikki says maybe two months to having this place ready to list, and then once we find a buyer a huge chunk of the current stress will lift off. I have paralyzing freakouts that no one will want the house. Nothing will make that go away until we close on the house. Then we can focus on buying the next one and setting up for the new chapter of life. Closer to my friend N happily.

Hi briannah, such a long time but am glad you feel better after making it through such a difficult period. I can barely imagine how agonizing that must have been with killer cat and still such a major loss even if it had to be plus other big things in flux and reorganization. all the best to you and nikki in the move to your target town and smart having backup plan too, but you seem to usually think of anything and everything so I wouldn't expect anything less. I'm glad we're both back now.

Emma, I'm so happy for you with your wonderful, freeing inward and outward adventures into your true needs and desires, finding your way into where you are really home.