Leaderboard

I was born a woman in a mans body. I've known this since my earliest memory but growing up during the 70s and 80s in Southern California and being raised by two very conservative parents made life heartbreaking and filled with pain. I wasn't strong enough to go against my parents and now at the young age of 50 it's still difficult. I think about how different my life will become and it excites me to think that one day I'll be able to transform into the woman I've always hidden from the public. It's going to take a lot of work—surgical and hormonal— but the end result for me will be liberating and glorious. When I was younger I would wear my sisters dresses as often as I could. One day in my sophomore year of high school my mother caught me in a dress. I spent the next two years in counseling being told it was unacceptable to feel the way I did. In 1986 when I graduated from high school I was forced by my parents to enlist in the United States Army in order to make me a man. I retired after serving 25 years. During my career I fought the urge to be who I was inside. I married three times but that never lasted. I was always jealous of my wives. I wanted to be a wife too. I've begun the necessary steps to happiness. Will it be easy? Absolutely not but anything this important shouldn't be an easy process to traverse. I have several roadblocks ahead of me; weight loss, the looks I'll get when coming out in public for the first time (I'm 6'3" 250 lbs) but I even though I know tough times are ahead I'm still driven to become the woman I was born to be. ​I quit my job and moved 1,400 miles to Seattle with the hopes of finding a job where I can transition and continue on with becoming Olivia.This will be the first of many blogs depicting my journey.I hope you'll join me by following in on this new grand adventure.

Well, the big news today is that Dave and I got the generator running, finally. It was not without a lot of words that I can't print here and some assembling and reassembling, but in the end, the thing ran like a top--like a new engine, as we replaced a lot of the key parts. What a relief! I've been fussing with this thing for almost two weeks now. I also got my house foundation shored up so the water doesn't pool against it. I am hoping that prevents any further seepage when the next major storm hits. Two big things off my plate. So, anyway, as I have previously mentioned, I am planning on moving into my wife's old bedroom and have now donated virtually all of her clothes. (I did find yet another box of shorts that she made. She was making a pair everyday for years and they did pile up.) So, now I have all of her clothes out of the dressers and her walk-in closet, and I am beginning to move my things in. It was then I began to realize how poorly set up was the shelving in her closet. I wish I had realized it sooner. The previous owner--who did a lot of things on the cheap--had placed one set of shelvingso high that you needed a step stool to reach anything down. Then the shelf under it blocked the hanging of anything long. This is going to be a major consideration for me as I plan to buy some formal dresses and gowns as I can afford them, and I want them to be able to hang out. So, this afternoon, I took the first step and took out the shelving on one side. I only need to take out a small shelf on the other side, but when I am done, I should have the closet configured to be much more user friendly. As you can see, it may be a little longer before I make the move. ​Be back soon. Stay where you are, and don't touch that dial. LOL

Thank you Emma. It's enlightening to know I'm not the only one going through this. My journey will be similar to yours I'm sure and if you ever just want to talk offline let me know. Liv

Hi Olivia, Welcome to TGG. Although I’m a dozen years older I am going through much the same as you. Just today my doctor increased my estradiol to a more typical introductory level. I am also going to therapy, voice coaching, and electrolysis. It’s quite a burden but exciting nonetheless given how many decades I’ve suppressed my authentic self. I say this not to make this about me but to assure you that you’re among friends. Emma

Good comment. It took me a while to figure my own situation out. I feel better about it now. Hope you do as well.

I love closet remodeling! Good luck with that!!! I don't have a walk-in closet, but I have a bigger closet that was very simple when I moved in. I added a section of shelves down the middle (not quite the middle) for shorts, t-shirts, etc. and then a single rod on one side for longer things and 2 rods on the other for shorter. I don't wear many dresses, so I didn't as much room on the single-rod side.

Welcome to TGGuide! I can't wait to read your blog entries My own experience - I've transitioned over the past 2-3 years (depending on what I consider the starting point) - is that it is both amazing and terrifying - often at the same time. But either way is better than settling for a life that isn't right for you!

Good luck on the license exam!!! Thinking of your comment about wanting to be or be with a beautiful woman - an early memory for me is after seeing "Grease," thinking I wanted to "be with" Olivia Newton-John, then later realizing I wanted to "be" her :-) (of course I was 10 years old at the time, so I wouldn't have known what to do "with" her even if I had the chance).