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Love the post! My own test of my inner courage to live life on my terms came at the shopping malls. I loved shopping (more back then than now) so the mall seemed a great way to get exposure and experience interacting with the public in a somewhat safe setting. I'm surprised I was never stopped by mall security because some days I would show up and just drive around, park and then drive around some more, trying to summon the courage to get out and go inside. In the early days I frequently failed but I kept at it. Eventually I made my way inside and slowly developed my confidence. I was terrified when anyone looked at me and especially when someone engaged me in conversation. Occasionally I was read and that was always emotionally devastating for me. I know, I shouldn't be so hard on myself, but it's a special gift I have -- to kick myself around for failure. There was some point along the way that I knew I had made it. Once I lost the fear and just became more confident the instances of being read were virtually eliminated.

Hi everyone, Thank you for all your interest and comments. Sorry for the length but I thought it might be interesting to hear the realities from someone on the Autistic spectrum The AQ (Autistic Quotient) test has to be taken with all honesty, it is the standard test taken by anyone who is looking for a diagnosis although of course that on its own is not any real indication that someone might be autistic. There is a lot more testing that takes place but here are the most common indications that are important. Below is a in depth look at my autistic mind, we are all different and although this will show some the advantages and disadvantages of being on the spectrum. Imagination. Not being able to imagine anything that is not based on reality. Conjuring up a story, a situation from scratch is impossible for me, I really don't have a clue what is going on around me unless I base it on the past realities/situations. In part of the diagnostic test I was given a book to read with pictures but no words. I was then asked to say what I thought was happening. Apparently all the pictures were linked but I couldn't work out what the link was, it didn't make sense. I wasn't able to use my imagination because the pictures I saw just didn't link in any logical way. That was the downfall, it was apparently describing someone having a dream, nothing makes sense in that scenario, so for me it impossible. Picture thinking. I only think in pictures, or images. Anything that passes through my mind presents itself as an image and if I am asked to remember anything I just run the videotape in my mind, I can recall huge amounts of memory, what was there, what was said, a bit like PTSD except its not scary situations. I am also able to construct visual images and move them around with ease, like rearranging a room full of furniture and seeing what it would look like before I move it, remembering maps, thats a positive, I don't need a GPS to allow me to find my way about, even in other countries I've been to, my spatial ability is so developed getting lost is unusual. Logical thinking. Its all logic and I liken it to precisely how a computer works. If you present illogical information/arguments to a computer it will have great difficulties finding what you want, it has to make logical links and anything that doesn't link has to be found in another way. If that is still illogical then a computer will return a negative. This can cause utter frustration because life isn't logical, computers just crash, humans can 'crash' too. Thats what happens with me, but over the years its become easier, unlike a computer I learned different methods to use but I still have great difficulty working out what some people mean, thats why I ask so many questions, trying to find the logical link. Pattern thinking. The best part is being able to see patterns emerging as they are normally logical. In that I can identify what is going on around me and I am attracted to patterns...carpets and wallpaper I can look at and see all the repetitive lines and shapes and that is how life is too, but of course the downside is illogical patterns throw me off, life tends to be more illogical. Repeating the same things, like eating the same foods, following a route over and over and even number plates (licence plates) can be fascinating. Comparing everything and finding logical patterns in life is one of the advantages. Communication. Humans can be so difficult to understand, thats the problem for me and generally all autistic people because they are not necessarily logical. Whilst my life is run along a well oiled track, always the same, not boring but has to be regular in the way I do things, expecting others to be the same, and they definitely are not. Normally people communicate with each other in a number of ways, some of those abilities are difficult to grasp, if someone tells me something I expect it to be as told, but there are other cues that I will miss, facial expressions are the worst, although its become better as my life progressed. But if what I am told doesn't make logical sense then it gets confusing, especially when the person I am talking to is not giving all the information that they can. Giving me simple information about something that in itself is complex is really difficult, I prefer if the difficult parts are given, then I can make sense of it. Sometimes because I don't understand the simple things in life I am thought to be a bit slow, but tell me about the difficult parts that I can understand I am thought of as intelligent. The downsides to the lack of communication skills can be massive, several lots of illogical information and just like a computer I will shut down, crash and then get into panic mode. The consequences can be problematic because if others don't understand how I process information, there is confusion on both sides and the probability of becoming overwhelmed and everything escalating into what is a meltdown, a total loss of control, an explosive rage cycle is possible. Its not anger, its the inability to process and communicate what I am feeling that makes any sense. I can talk endlessly about special interests, I have a mind full of information thats probably only important to me and other people can get bored rather easily if its not what they have an interest in, but I won't know that and then that situation can get into a problem area. Learning. As I've already explained, I learn differently to a lot of others, but information is normally given from the simple to the more complex. I learn back to front and so I have to seek out the more complex information to be able to make sense of the easy parts. The advantage is that I learn quickly and comprehensively. This is reflected in schools with some children quickly becoming bored waiting for the slower learners ( the normal method of teaching) to catch up. If the teaching isn't the way I learn then thats where big problems occur. If children could be tested to discover how they learn before the teaching process begins, instead of teaching one way, the quicker centre focused and the slower outer learning kids could both benefit. This is me and although there are a lot of similarities to others, we are all individual and we are all affected differently, have our own methods of dealing with this challenging life. I could have gone into much greater depth so I hope this helpful and ....interesting

Dear Emma, Lori and Briannah, Thank you for your birthday wishes. Am proudly age 60. Emma, I love the pictures of your cat. Will be writing about this milestone soon. Yours truly, Monica

I hope yours turns out as well! And that the getting it ready is as painless as possible! It's the first time I ever sold a house, so... it was a wee bit overwhelming. I don't do well with first time situations. Summer is a great time in my neighborhood too, you get the college kids whose parents realize buying a house for four years is acdtually cheaper than the dorms at the local SERIOUSLY overpriced university.