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It’s been exactly two years to the day since gender confirmation surgery. Looking back over the past two years I’ve notice as time rolls by (especially in the past six months) I’ve assimilated well into my new life. I have, and not a conscious decision becoming removed from online forums that focus on the LGBT community yet still locally involved with a group in town and in Portland. Why bring this up? Over the years I’ve heard that many who transition physically will distance themselves from the LGBT community and now from experience believe that (at least in my case) it’s not always distancing oneself from the community but simply settling into the new life. I’ve never been or will be that type of person who distances themselves from the community for any reasons other than subconscious reasons of feeling comfortable in my new life. Back at Christmas time I went on a dinner cruise (see image below) with a local Portland Oregon group known as the Rose City Girls where I’ve only met a handful before attending the dinner. I was amazed that at the girls I chatted with a dinner whom I had not met before all thought I was a cisgender female. One of the girls I met five or so years earlier didn’t even recognize me from five years ago until I told her and she said that I had changed a good deal and still was not sure I was that cross-dresser from years past. So that really confirms that I took the right path in life by making the decision to physically transition. Do I have any regrets? My thought had been, wish I had transitioned ten or more years ago yet what if I did, where would I be right now? Better not to think too much about this and simply move forward as the past is the past and nothing can change it. Profession wise this month I went from a position at one state agency to another state agency one block down the road. Only the CIO know my former identity as she once worked at my former agency and had asked me two years ago to come work for them but the time was not right until the first of this month.

Congratulations, Karen. I agree that it's best to appreciate and learn from our more recent past and look forward to the future. There are always so many things that we would have done differently "had we only known" but that is the way life is, we don't know what we don't know. I actually had dinner with the Rose City Girls last May. I am pretty sure I recognize the woman in the lower right of your photo but I can't recall her name. All were very nice and welcoming, and I seriously contemplated relocating to the Portland area, I've had opportunities to join similar groups in Seattle and I haven't. It's not that I look down upon or feel superior to crossdressers at all. As far as I'm concerned they have equal membership in the transgender community to any of us. I'd say it's more about having a common social ground. I love to get dressed up but I also feel comfortable and happy wearing skinny jeans and a top from REI, which I did last night to an annual women's clothing warehouse sale by a local consignment shop. (You wouldn't believe what I scored for $50!) We had wine and snacks before they cut the tape to open the race to the racks and tables. Everyone was delightful to me before, during, and after. That's how I love living my life. I'm sure I don't pass particularly but that doesn't seem to matter. I remember when you were planning to go to Dr. Marci Bowers' office in Burlingame, how you'd planned it all out. It sounded pretty scary to me especially as I was still about a year away from even coming out as trans. I don't know if I'll need or opt for GCS. These days I'm more interested in my early progress on HRT (I see my doc this Wednesday. Yay!) and getting through electrolysis. God, that's so painful for me. I am very well hydrated but each darned hair hurts like hell when she zaps it. Yesterday afternoon I was only able to stand it for an hour and a half (we'd had a 2.5 hour session planned) and I was bummed out about that. But, that opened up time for me to make it to the warehouse sale so it's all good. Take care and best wishes, Karen, Emma

Love the post! My own test of my inner courage to live life on my terms came at the shopping malls. I loved shopping (more back then than now) so the mall seemed a great way to get exposure and experience interacting with the public in a somewhat safe setting. I'm surprised I was never stopped by mall security because some days I would show up and just drive around, park and then drive around some more, trying to summon the courage to get out and go inside. In the early days I frequently failed but I kept at it. Eventually I made my way inside and slowly developed my confidence. I was terrified when anyone looked at me and especially when someone engaged me in conversation. Occasionally I was read and that was always emotionally devastating for me. I know, I shouldn't be so hard on myself, but it's a special gift I have -- to kick myself around for failure. There was some point along the way that I knew I had made it. Once I lost the fear and just became more confident the instances of being read were virtually eliminated.

Good luck Briannah! I'm preparing to place a house on the market. I'd rather wait for summer but a life situation is pushing for a faster sale. It is a rental property, so nobody worry about me being homeless. Hope all turns out well for your sale. ​