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Hi Everyone, I am the father of an 11 year old "transgender boy". My daughter decided a couple of months ago that she wants to be a boy. She had dealt with a lot of anxiety and depression for a number of years due to bullying in school. It got to the point that she didn't want to live and she went into a psych hospital for a couple of weeks and then an outpatient facility for almost 2 months. This was in January - February. Nothing about wanting to be a boy ever came up at all during or before this time. About a year ago she mentioned that she wanted to wear some boys clothing which she did for a couple of weeks before going back to girls clothing. We figured it was a tomboy situation. About 2 months ago she came up with the idea that she wants to get her hair cut to look like a boy as well as wear boys clothing. My wife allowed this. She told my wife she wants to be a boy. This decision is ripping my family apart. Her twin sister is very confused by this as would be expected. Her older brother by a few years does not accept this or her at all. He wants to have nothing to do with her. He is in therapy to learn how to deal with his feeling but the fact is...... I really don't disagree with how he feels. My wife and I are arguing constantly. My wife says she does not wish for our daughter to go down this path, but that she is happier and we should feel good that she is alive. To me that is setting the bar at the lowest possible level which means that anything my daughter wants, she should get. My wife believes that transgender exists while basically I do not. I believe my daughter is confused, has anxiety and depression and this is just her newest way to get attention. I believe she needs therapy to help her with her confusion. Everything I read about says there is no proof biologically, or chemically in the body that transgender brains or bodies are any different than hetero normal (I don't really know the proper term) people. Up until June 18 2018, even the WHO (World Health Organization) considered transgenderism a mental disease. They only removed transgender from that list because it was causing a stigma for people who thought they were transgender... not that they believe transgender isn't a mental illness. This situation is destroying my family. We are fighting almost constantly (we all see therapists due to this) but I don't see how we are ever going to agree. My wife wants to look into puberty blockers. I say absolutely not as everything I read says there isn't enough research / data to know they are 100% safe. I keep reading about people that thought they were transgender with some even having the surgeries and living as the opposite gender for some amount of time before getting the therapy they needed. Then they realized they were never transgender to begin with and transitioned back. I don't see how my wife and I are ever going to agree about this. Both of us can find many stories, doctors and studies to back up our beliefs so I don't see how we can come to any kind of agreement. We both love our daughter and want her to be healthy and happy but we completely disagree on how to help her. This entire situation is excruciatingly painful. I want my daughter back but I don't know what to do. Every fiber of my being wants to tell her to cut this shit out. I want to tell her she is not a boy and that this experiment is over. Girl haircuts and clothing are the only choices and that if this is what she wants to choose when she is 18, then I can't stop her. I don't say this because everyone is telling me this could damage her. In my opinion by not telling her this, I am allowing her to be damaged by this decision. I believe she is setting herself to be alone with no friends as girls hitting puberty will want to be with other girls getting their makeup and hair done and going shopping for clothing while boys will never accept her as one of them. I see her having a miserable life going forward and I don't know what to do.

"Girl haircuts and clothing are the only choices and that if this is what she wants to choose when she is 18, then I can't stop her." -- Jeff And if [she] IS transgender, and doesn't make it to 18? What then? Will you be happy? The suicide rate for transgender people is disproportionately and sickenly higher than in any other group. Not trying to scare you or make you feel bad... I just think there's a bigger picture you need to be consider rather than your own misplaced pain. If [she] IS transgender, by 18, the poison of estrogen will have widened [her] hips, put fat where [she] will not want it, and put breasts on [her] chest...which [she] will no doubt despise and be disgusted by. You will find all the documentation you want that debunks the existence transsexuality... doesn't make it factual. Just bolsters what you choose to believe. For now, the only proof it actually exists is differences in the brain - but that can only be discovered after one is dead. If [she] IS transgender, [she] is NOT mentally ill... as are none of the rest of us. Only a competent mental health professional will be able to help you all - and [her] - determine if [she] is indeed trans, or just suffering the hellish trials of growing up. I was at least heartened to learn that you are getting counselling for your son... he has learned this unacceptance by those around him. Hopefully he is still young enough to learn and realize that homophobia and transphobia is not pretty, and that GLBT people are no different than straight and cisgender (non-transgender) people. If [she] IS transgender, this is just as hard on [her] as on you... if not more so. But any hardship [she] may be enduring is not of [her] making... but of the society around [her] that villifies people like us for no good or logical reasons. I wish all of you - but especially your child - good luck. -Michael P.S. I would recommend that you consider checking out the Transgender Children & Youth forum. And even the FTM Discussion forum

Hi Jeff, I just came across your post; you bring up many understandable concerns and worries. I certainly agree: - There are no objective tests to determine if one is transgender. - We all wish our feelings, the ones we experience as trans and for our children, would just go away. - We all worry that we will be miserable in life, marginalized and unloved. And yet, we know, from clear existence proofs, that transgender people really exist. The science is trying to catch up, just give it time. I’m 62, and since I was in preschool I wished my feelings would just go away. Believe me, please, I’ve tried. I’ve been married twice, the second time for more than 20 years to a woman who still loves me dearly and I love her too. But in the end I tried to commit suicide a couple of times because I wasn’t living authentically. As a trans woman I am not miserable in life. Yes, it has its challenges but it’s actually very delightful compared with the alternative where I was largely waiting for life to run out. I don’t suppose you’ll find that very helpful. For me, the first step was to do enough research to convince myself that to be transgender is real, valid. After that, I struggled with determining that I am indeed trans. And then, what to do about it. I suggest you try following a similar path. Determining if your child is trans or not is tough of course. No, no one is going to push hormones or surgeries before your child and you/your wife are ready. That said, there may be an urgency to all this to start puberty blockers. From what I have seen and read they are harmless. But you need to convince yourself. Please talk to all the professionals you can find. Note also, please, that there is a conference in early August in Seattle called Gender Odyssey. They have a Family Program that you may find very helpful. I suggest that you look into it. With warm regards, Emma