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Dear Diary- Like most, I often subjected myself to attempting to reach my goals through "instant gratification," fad diet, etc., and following the realization in my initial blog, am attempting a more measured response to reach those goals. It's always hoped that any of this might help others in reaching their goals. My current plan as of this date is: 1. Mornings: Bowl of oatmeal (with a handful of dried fruit and nuts, no milk). 2. Diet Coke Zero through the day (yes, it's very bad for you but here's an interesting factoid: diet sodas are banned from facilities that handle bulimia and anorexia patients). The patients use it to control hunger pangs. I guess I do the same. 3. I avoid sugar after having seen the dangers of sugar in the wonderful film "That Sugar Film" though once in a while, a donut attacks me at the supermarket and I have to destroy it. 3. Dinner is a battle to exercise portion control, especially when it's comfort foods. Fast foods including pizza and take-out (Panda Express) are limited to around once every two-three weeks. 4. I found brushing my teeth helps to prevent most snacking late nights. (There is that occasional bowl of leftover mac & cheese with ham that is hard to resist). 5. As noted in my first blog post, I had purchased a bunch of supplements touted as helpful to move one to a more femme state. In combination, one of these supplements caused headaches so I am currently winnowing down the culprit. I am taking 2x550mg Puerific Mirifica for the past few days. No headaches yet but I will give it another day. If no headache, I will most likely add Fenugreek to my regimen and see how that does. 6. As noted in my first blog post, I wash with Lavender soap and use a homemade lotion consisting of 4 squirts of any carrier oil and 6 drops of Lavender essential oil. I massage these on my breasts and apply in what I believe are fast-absorbing areas such as armpits and groin. 7. I am planning to start drinking at least a quart of soymilk a day. I understand that this can have some desired breast developing effect. 8. Practicing with shoes. It's been over a year since I had last dressed I had ordered a pair of pointed black 3-inch heels. Finally received them. Owwwwwwwwwwwww. My feet seem to have grown and the size that had previously worked for me now is too tight in the toe area. I've managed to stretch the toe area out using thick socks and blow dryer but still can't walk for more than a minute without having to stop (Oddly, I can stand and the pain subsides quickly but walking...). This probably means round toed shoes from now on. 9. Horrors! I have been battling nose and ear hairs. The ear hairs I manage to pluck but the nose hairs can only be dealt with currently through cutting with a pair of small scissors. I am seriously considering laser or electrolysis for this but need to research as far as applying these treatments in the nasal area go. Depending on how TG-friendly the provider would be, I might also spring for a clearing of a particular area down there. That's all for now, Mz. Hyde

Dear Diary- This Dr. Jekyll and Mz. Hyde blog was started just to keep a diary of my attempt at "stealth mode" transformation to be more of the girl I wish to be. I realized I had not offered any background regarding my initial blog post so I am doing so here to help establish a baseline for my travails as Mz. Hyde seeks a return from purgatory. Be warned that it will more than likely be a very boring blog; I am a writer with some small success in that field and consequently tend to be somewhat verbose in my writing. First off, I am a closeted and mature "gurl." I use "gurl" because as Dr. Jekyll, I am married to a woman and very straight-acting. When I become Mz. Hyde, I primarily enjoy socializing with other "gurls". I also enjoy men but only when I am Mz. Hyde. What started me down this wonderful path? That will be a blog for another time. I am a transplant from the wonderful TG-resource-rich SF Bay Area to a state that is a TG-resource desert, to say the least. The move was motivated primarily for financial reasons, partly due to my SO's rapidly dwindling number of family members. In preparation for the move, Dr. Jekyll unfortunately gave away all of Mz. Hyde's belongings and accessories. Dr. Jekyll's reasons were a great fear that certain moving boxes might be accidentally by opened by the SO. So despite Mz. Hyde's heartbreak, off everything went (though Dr. Jekyll did make sure to get the tax donation slips). Mz. Hyde was "somewhat" sure that she would be able to replace everything in her new location with the ease with which she had collected them in the SF Bay Area. (She frequented a very wonderful TG shop in San Jose, Carla's Social Club, which offered plenty of everything needed to discreetly keep Mz. Hyde happy). Moved up to the state that will be unnamed (though you can see it in my profile) and discovered "Ooops," there are no TG-specific business. No place to comfortably try on an buy femme attire. There is one gay club that is also listed as TG-friendly, no TG social groups on Meetup and the suchlike, and there is a small LGBQT center. Mea culpa that Mz. Hyde has not gone to investigate those yet, but I'm sure she will... once she has recreated her wardrobe and accessories to her satisfaction that she will create a good first impression. Instead, Mz. Hyde decided to post on Craigslist (this was right before Craigslist took down the "Personals" section). The ad was pretty simple; Mz. Hyde was a recent transplant. Mz. Hyde was a mature gurl, and while not Quasimodo's sister, was definitely not a member of the TG-"woofies" club. The ad stated Dr. Jekyll had disposed of Mz. Hyde's wardrobe and accessories, and Mz. Hyde was looking for hints and pointers from fellow ladies as to where to shop DISCREETLY and socialize DISCREETLY with others gurls. Also in the ad was the admonition specifically stating NOT LOOKING FOR SEX, just some contact and shopping information from others partaking in the delights of the TG world. Well, I'm sure most of you have experienced what followed: a glut of admirer emails all asking for pics, sex, and the use of my residence for a discreet playdate IMMEDIATELY. A few admirers offered to go shopping with me provided Mz. Hyde was "passable" and "hot." Two "gurls" offered to meet to socialize if I provided femme attire for them to wear. A few "dick" pics. The few responses taken to be actual fellow sisters, all offered the same advice: buy online or steel yourself to the odd looks while perusing the women's sections in the thrift stores. Soooo, a little bit here, a little bit there, all ordered online. Luckily I had held off ordering any outerwear. Then came the fat bulges and realizations noted in my first post. Sigh. Anyway, that's where things are at for Mz. Hyde.

Welcome to your Community💜. Okay, let's talk weight ??? How I looked at myself and felt about myself for many, many years. I, too, as you called yourself, am a "mature gurl", and have for many, many years looked in that mirror. DEPRESSING!😥. Said to myself no way, transition will never happen! About 2 years ago I decided it would! Totally took on a "mental commitment". Am 5'9", was 215lbs, and had a huge gut. 42 " waist, xxl shirts. 40" pants, little tight. Felt stuffed in a dress size 20, 42 bra, too. Checked out what I was eating, and cut sugar, (in my 2 pots of coffee a day), cut alcohol, changed to diet beverages and water, loved pizza every day, but cut it out, more on that, but don't miss it anymore, cut my dinner portions first 10%, then 20%, then 40%, then 60%. Tried to "de-expand" my stomach cravings by eating something light late morning (toast, no butter) couple of pieces of fruit, you get the gist. Have one main meal per day all the essentials, but WATCH MY PORTIONS! Started light exercise, couldn't do one sit-up at first and for a while, but still went through the motions. Many other exercises too, you can figure them out. Weighed myself daily!!!!!!!!! Little by little, 5lbs at a time, dress size decreasing continuously, it rewarded my ambitions as I looked into that mirror. Now size 14 dress, may go to 12 soon, 10 pants, waist 32, size 12 skirt, blouse lg., 36 bra, 6(med panty). Weight 155. Never thought I could do that, it just happened! Goal is another 5 lbs., maybe 10. Was important to me to look good size-wise in femininity, it doesn't have to be for everyone, though. My butt is still small but HRT will help that. But don't even have to hold my gut in in a dress anymore! Only downside is having to update my wardrobe...too expensive!😍 The point is do the "mental commitment" and the rest can follow. Takes a little time, but well worth it. If you fail at times, keep trying. When I look in that mirror now I think "I'm beginning to look like "quite a catch" Haha😏. Best wishes. Jessica