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Hi Rachel, I just want to thank you for this post, it is interesting that selfishness is cited when you are asking for what most people would consider to be basic social courtesy. Caring is tough, it is thankless and it has and will wear you down physically and emotionally. Yet it is an honour to be there for someone else in their time of need and so you can and always will be able to hold your head high. Please do try to find something you can do for you, whether it is music through headphones in the wee small hours or a short walk outside while your partner is napping. Those things are not selfish but selfcare and are important for you too. 🙂

Thank you Emma, your words are very kind, sort of the thing I need right now. Yes, this was written when I was feeling defensive, without a doubt, but we must be inspired to write from something. lol I feel so underappreciated at times, but I will continue to keep my head held high, and hope to have no regrets when this is all said and done. In my short time here, I have found so much love and support so thank you Emma, and thank you all!

Thank you Emma, fantastic.

I need to post this article elsewhere but I think it helps, particularly now: https://www.seattletimes.com/seattle-news/science/groundbreaking-uw-study-transgender-kids-gender-identity-is-as-strong-as-that-of-cisgender-children/ The point is that scientific evidence keeps piling up the trans people are valid in their own right, normal examples of human diversity.

Dear Friends, Please don't confuse "self-caring" with "selfish." They are two different things. All of you ladies are talking about self-caring, which is a very good thing! Your friend, Monica

Wow, what a beautiful and heartfelt post. I hear you (over and over!) that to be true to oneself ("selfish" is a loaded pejorative) isn't "necessarily" wrong. I feel myself wondering if you're feeling defensive. I can well understand that, believe me. I'm glad if your blog post has provided you with a way to get your thoughts together, written down and organized, and presented. My ex-wife was also very alarmed and upset as I came out to her as trans. She said I'd betrayed her, as if I'd had a secret affair. I went through a lot of guilt and sorrow (as did she) as we considered ways of remaining together, decided that we could not, divorced, and then separated. I have this on my kitchen wall, framed: "Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets. So love the people who treat you right, forgive the ones who don't and believe everything happens for a reason. If you get the chance take it. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody says it would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it." --- Dr. Seuss I look forward to hearing more from you.