TiffanyS

So recently i've taken some big steps in my transitioning process. Telling people in my family trying to figure out my finances and everything and getting ready for hormones. I decided that it would be a good idea to set up a time line in the future. I read it was a good idea on tsroadmap and thought i should do the same. I have it all laid out and if anyone wants to see it i would be happy to either post it or send it to their email. but thats not really the point why im writing this blog entry. Basically i feel like a lot of the transition process is a hurry up and wait kind of thing. Like i am trying to raise enough money so im not living paycheck to paycheck and to get ready to transition and save up money for srs and everything in case i can't get a job as a girl. Im in therapy and started electrolysis and just waiting another month till i can begin hormones. My big problem is that I really just want the transition period to go by very quickly. I know im being rather juvinle and kinda a brat but i just don't want to wait to see the results from the hormones. I want to be living as a full time woman with everything by the time im 30, which seems really quick because i turn 27 in october. I want to live my life as a woman as soon as possible because to be honest i really want my life to start now. Im sick and tired of living life as a gender that i do not associate with. I'm living my life as much as i can right now as a woman but its hard when you have to do sooo many steps to cover up your maleness. Thank you all for reading, i know i can be a little bit of a whiner or baby but i really don't have many other places to vent. thanks again <3 Tiff

After my last post, I have been trying to go out more and live my life as a woman and probably some of the most amazing things started to happen. First I started a video blog on youtube and I figured to myself that no one would watch it at all. To my shock and suprise I had a 100 people view it in the first two days. I almost jumped when I saw that. I've had a few people even subscribe to my channel so yay me. Its really started to make me feel better about myself. Next I have been living most of my life as a woman. I went grocery shopping later on in the day and had a great time. I know your probably thinking that im nuts cuz no one has fun grocery shopping, but I did cuz I was dressed and no one was giving me funny looks or saying nasty things to me or anything like that. Later at the cash register the young man working the register looked at me and without missing a beat he ask "Is plastic ok ma'am?" there was no stutter or hesitation or anything in his voice, he didn't look uncomfortable or anything. He just acted like I was another woman shopping for food. This whole experience has made me think that itll be a lot easier to transition than I thought. I just started my electrolysis and haven't even started hormones but yet people are still calling me miss and ma'am and I love it. Its really brought me out of a funk. The next thing I want to try to do is live an entire week as a female. Never changing out for any reason. I think the more I do that, the more confidence I will really begin to build in myself and really give me more of a drive to continue my transition. The only hurdle I still see myself having is the money issue. I know everyone has issues with it and everyone else has loans, credit card debt, car payments, and everything else under the sun. Ive just been trying to figure out the best way to accumulate money while still paying for everything I need. I'm nervous that I won't have enough money when it comes to my doctors appointment in august or not have enough money for hormones. I know I can keep my job for almost a year after starting hormones, unless I am a rare case where my breasts grow at a rediculous rate. I think that while waiting for my body to develope a female form, I can grow my hair to my desired length. Anyways thanks for reading my blog, I'll post something else fairly soon. I am working on two books at the moment. Maybe that would be a way to really get some money coming in. The first is a teenage love story about a boy and girl (boy kinda based on how i was growing up sans the gid) and the other book is a biography on me and my transitioning experience. Tiff

Thanks amie that really ment a lot to me :)

As of march of this year I finally decided that living as a male was no longer an option to me. I have struggled with my gender ever since I really new what the difference between boys and girls was. I always played with more girls than boys growing up and never saw a problem with wanting to play with barbies over playing baseball. I have slowly started down this road and have taken some big steps but at the same time feel like the road ahead stretches endlessly. I told my parents and they were suprisingly accepting of me wanting to transition. My mom had known for quite a while (ever since she had found numerous female clothing in my closet over the years) and seemed more relieved when I finally decided to tell my dad because she felt like she was keeping a secret from him. The one thing they told me was "they would rather have a live daughter than a dead son." That almost made me cry. I started electrolysis earlier this month and it has been going well. It is a little pricy but the lady that does it is extremely nice and caring and always makes sure I am doing alright with it. I am starting hormones in two months and am really nervous about it. I don't know how quickly they will affect my body and how my body will react (if at all) to them. I, like all transitioning mtf, hope that they will slow some of my body hair growth (arms, legs, chest,& all that) and I hope to grow breasts that I can at least accentuate a little. I've started looking for other TG/TS/TV people to hang out with and talk to and I have joined a support group that I attend (whenever I can because of working) but I've started to get a little down on myself. I try to look as good as I can but when I see other TG/TS/TV that are living full time, I just get a little down because I don't think I look near as good as them. I think I just need more confidence and all that. I can walk around town dressed and no one says a word to me or rarely ever get people who stare, but I still think I don't look good. Maybe when I grow out my real hair or the hormones soften my skin I'll feel better about myself but until then Im not sure what to think.