Cyrsti

Amie The mother connection with kids like us is a great avenue to explore. I've done a small post about it on another site. I'll bring it over for your comments. Thanks so much.

On occasion, I do become tired of people asking me why I dress the way I do. It's getting to the point where I can predict when it's going to happen. Recently, I've gone through a period of no recognition of my gender and no questions. I felt it had to end and tonight it did. I wasn't over dressed as I made my way through the evening with jeans, flip flops and a bunch of curly red hair. All in all, a very uneventful evening until the young blond in knee socks, short flippy skirt and tank top showed up. All legs and hair. I was watching my MLB team and the bar's version of "American Idol" was going on in a side room. After a while she came up and sat down beside me and started some innocent chat. Before long she said "what's your story"I knew where she was going and I bounced the line back to her. "Are you one of the performers?"( An obvious reference to her outfit.) It turns out she works for a "pub" concept in the area and she was wearing her uniform. Which by the way she quickly apologized for! Inwardly flattered that she was talking to me, I finally came up with a couple lines to answer her question. I simply told her that I am a very harmless creature..but very exotic. Please be careful of the pronouns you use with me. I'm not your "he" and I'm not your "she" refer to me by my name. What you see could be false but what you hear from me probably isn't. Her questions were answered but not her curiosity. I received an invite to her pub and left with the satisfaction of knowing I had finally verbalized what I felt all these years. The only question I didn't have an answer to was "where can I get one of those skirts!'

Following a surprise encounter with a guy in a very straight sports/bar restaurant the other night, I sought advice from a female bartender I know. I was very unsure of how I handled the situation. He caught me with an approach and a comment that most females probably encounter at the age of 14 (or less). I was with a GG friend and she left. He started quickly and aggressively with questions about her and then moved in on me. So quickly, I didn't have much time to make much of a value judgment of his personality. First came the drink offer and "why was I so shy?" He was reasonably attractive and well dressed but something just didn't seem right about him. My regular bartender wasn't there that night. The two of us have developed some really effective non verbal communication with our eyes. Information that would have told me a lot. Not having that resource and low on my drink, I didn't take a chance with him and took off. What a quick journey that night to the other side of the curtain! Following major soul searching about the experience, I labeled myself inexperienced, naive and ignorant. Inexperienced because I don't have the life experiences from a girl's side of the fence. I was never forward enough as a guy to make the approach he did so I had no point of reference from either gender. I was naive to think I could project as a relatively attractive single female in that arena and not get some sort of reaction. After all, where had I been my whole life...well not in that situation! Finally, ignorance is always not stupidity. I had never encountered that experience so I was ignorant in how to handle it. As my friend's knowledge of the situation grew (she probably had the same conversation about guys with girlfriends a thousand times over the years) She told me one solution for the next time. Always use the cell phone as a prop and tell him I'm waiting for my partner and SHE will be here shortly! I did feel better when she told me she knew who I was talking about and she thought he was a creep.

Thank YOU Amie. Being dressed up and feeling sexy is all part of the fun. Right? You look great and I'm sure others will see you as you wish them to. Just takes "growing into it" None of us had the advantage of years of "practice"! What's the saying "life's a journey, not a destination?" Or something like that! Cyrsti

Let me preface this entry by saying my wife passed away a couple years ago. It was her love and perseverance that glued our 25 year marriage together. This is one of the questions she asked that helped me be the person I am today. She would want me to "pay forward" this experience to any who can use it. Many years ago, my wife indirectly asked me this question. "Are you man enough to be a woman?" This is how it happened. We were living in an area directly above NYC. I was still a novice in most girl situations but learning fast. You might say I became the proverbial teen age girl. I started to test some deep waters. My wife knew of all my activities before our relationship, but in all fairness to her (and me) we didn't see the train coming down the tracks. In the space of a couple months I went from a "dress at home girl" to "go out and party girl". It all started when I was almost refused entrance to a TG event on Long Island. The woman at the door told me I was in the wrong place and they didn't let "real" single girls in. Shortly after that I attended a Halloween party in a bar with about 4 tall beautiful women dressed about as sleezy as I was. I knew I was going with one but not 4! They gave me the "bitch" look when I hit the door and it was on! God I was in heaven as the 5 of us hit the door in heels and mini's. They made sure I mingled and danced with guys and everything. Over the next month of so, a couple other minor happenings occurred and I was mentally shot. All I thought about was the next time I could "dress and go". Needless to say, this was not the award winning marriage experience my wife was looking for. Finally she said "look you are making us both miserable" Make up your mind. Man up and be a woman or not. It's your choice, it's not fair to either of us. Then she said "by the way, you make a terrible female." I was stunned! Obviously she wasn't there when I was almost turned away for being a "real girl" or when I fit right in with the GG's at the Halloween party! What the hell did she know? But you know, it wasn't about looks. She simply pointed out I had NO feminine thought patterns. As we all know being female is more than looking the part. My wife labeled me a "bitch" and didn't like me. Not immediately, but over the years my thick noggin began to realize the truth in what she said. Somewhere in my personality I managed to do my part in keeping the relationship together. I found out the hard way the time we had together was the best gift of my life. Since she departed I have done my best to be a woman she would accept! I found I could be a friend who cares and gives. She still would not approve of my clothes and makeup choices but that is who I am on the outside. I have always been. I believe she would approve of my inside being. Be it female or male, I try to be more compassionate and fun to be around! The people around me tell me I'm a good person which transcends gender. Maybe I was "man enough to be a girl". Certainly it's tough enough to face the male life challenges. I played with the Alpha's rather well. It's tougher still to move to the other side and I have no desire to play with the alpha girls! If you think I have a pretty face I'm complimented. When I move unnoticed through a young crowd in a sports bar I'm exhilarated! But deep down all that matters is inside. Maybe she would approve!

Hi! I think the most powerful communication I've learned is the total non verbal eye contact that women use. I have not experienced the looking at the man glance but have many times been included in the "that guy's an idiot" look. More importantly my bartender friends are very protective of me (thank god) and I get the "are you OK? look. Verbally some will tell me when I use a "male" descriptor or sentence. Fascinating! Thanks Admin!

How many years and tears have passed before she walked out of my head and into the world? Trial and error, starting and stopping and above all else? Observation! How many thousands of times do we read you must dress to blend and dress your age. Blah, blah blah. We must dress to be us and I'm in my 40's. I'm a faithful reader of many of the fashion mags and the excerpts we see on line. The bottom line in most age related fashion tips is you wear what is you. If you can incorporate different fashion items from different age groups into your style...then it makes you who you are. My biggest compliment comes from a woman giving me that "you bitch" look. She is not reading me, she is judging me because my hair is too long or I might be wearing too much makeup. It is not my problem if she can't or won't take the time to take care of herself and her biggest thrill of the day will come in the produce section. I found the women of my age category who "put themselves together" are out there and I love them! I can never hope to be as knock down sexy as the "Jamie's" of the world with her book on passing. But I can hope to be me and move confidently through situations I only dreamed of attempting years ago. In those moments all the error of trial and error becomes worth it!

I have been really fortunate over the past two years to really explore life as a dual gendered person. Yes, another tag to add to the others describing our "condition". This is the difference in my opinion. I'm still not "girl" enough for the SRS crew. I can't share the experience of having a baby or having a sex change operation. As with any human being, we tend to seek those out with similar experiences and exclude the rest. Many times it is not malicious just normal. In addition, I'm not ready to end my male existence. On occasion I enjoy it immensely. In many circles, I'm too much girl for the CDer's. I'm kind of like a cat. Most felines can make it on their own without us and yes I could make it without my male self. I've worked hard to present myself as female and I try to not be the bitch in these circles just because I've done more. (So to speak) You see, in a mixed crowd...the guys in a dress still shy away from me as they do the "changelings". Do you get my point? Probably, the most accepting group of all (and most of my friends) are the lesbian crowd. Many male gays are as biased against us as much as the straight males. Especially if they realize the HUGE difference in us versus the "queens". All of this is just my view on the whole situation and I just throw it out to see if any of you have similar experiences1