Michele800226

H Veronica

This freebird is sometimes confusedbird.

But my sentiment exactly, I wouldn't seem changed to me, but in reality with any change there is a ripple effect of change.

Wait, let me stop this oldish wisdom and say cheers for now.  As I'm thinking of a topic again, but everything I write about represents me.

Hugs

Michele

Hi Lady

Congrats on physically having arranged your physical alteration to represent the lady you've always been.  Yes, life have steps for everyone to climb, but without these steps we wouldn't be learning.

Go out, show the world the lady you are.  Can't be held back and ready for action.

Remember safety first, and lots of hugs

Michele

Heya Jay

Hope that your headaches are getting better and it's good having a few guys between the gals.  Well, I know I'm not your typical lady's but I see me getting a few petrol heads, and weapons friends.

Enjoy the changes.  Mentally then physically.  Enjoy the colder seasons, as I also love them more.

All the best

Michele

Hiya all

I think by letting my animosity go into writing, the realization that I was hampered in a way becomes acceptable.  Because if I didn't have to overcome any of this, I might not have had the urge as a child to understand the differences in genders and so doing might have been a total jerk or bigot when it came to gender or equality.

I also believe because of this I sculpted the way my father looked at gender and sexuality, because I know he would've looked at it differently if it didn't happen to his baby.  So changing an older generation into accepting what is as old as time but was never talked about is an achievement in itself.

Knowing that I do have support and I do acknowledge all in the struggles of gender and sexuality not because I'm part of the struggle but have a greater understanding of it in the same time.  I appreciate that I was allowed to broaden my knowledge as I pleased by my father, and that he took the stand to say till here and no further for my mother.  So yes, a dictator was in my family and that role was filled by the member you would think of as masculine or the father figure, and turned out to be the mother, supposedly nurturer, supposedly supporter of offspring.  Total reversal of roles, but I got my emotional and physical support even if it wasn't from your atypical gender form, and I am grateful he was in my life for 19 years of my life.  I'm glad I got to work with his tender side, to have the nurturing love of a strong man that in the end even taught his granddaughter that the love she experienced, and she was worthy to know the meaning not just the word love.

Love all

Hugs and kisses

Michele

Hiya Steph

Me, myself and I are doing well at home.  Yes I live alone.  But I see my oldest sister almost everyday, as she lives in the street behind me and has an adjacent house to mine.  My mother had surgery and is doing better, but we'll see her somewhere next month for the first time in month.

I'm use to me looking out for myself with a small amount of people looking out for me, as we either trained together or worked together outside while on the road, and I don't even trust all the guys I worked with outside.

Yes, the trauma of the rape took my five (5) years to face and another year to get control of.  But I once saw the guy whom is unknown to me, and he came to use the treadmill next to me in the gym and tried to talk to me.  I told him to buzz off or I would hurt him.  That was that and I proved my strength as I continued harder and faster then I ever did.  The difference between me being raped and others are, I'm in the small percentage that could fight their attacker from the word go and would've succeeded in protecting myself, if he didn't go to another means to taking me down and out.  I can remember his hands around my throat and being inside, and shortly after that I started fighting back as I regained consciousness.

I appreciate the looking out for me, but I will be the looking forward to blogging on a regular basis or when time permits.

Cheers

Hugs and kisses

Michele

Hi there

I know the different rapes that occurs with victims and perpetrators.  I also know I made it seem as an insignificant occurrence, but if you went through previous blogs, you would see that I'm a rape survivor, and the majority of the times I face adversity head on.

I can't and won't back down, for any person attacking my gender, person, or that of a loved one.  I also refuse to back down while on duty, unless the odds is so stacked against me, that I'll end up endangering everyone around me.

Reasons I can't back down:

1.  Human right, to live and let live;

2.  Freedom of speech and expression;

3.  With ignorance come the ability to be taught, only once that person accepts defeat and acknowledges the multi-complex world we live in;

4.  Putting myself in the firing line, means the fight for equality stops sooner then later, and as I said bring it on;

5.  What can they do to me to make me suffer, been there done that wrote the book and I'm wearing the scars, and death becomes us all.  It's the legacy we leave behind that makes us immortal;

6.  I would rather have myself in danger, antagonizing my attacker.  Then my attacker taking on someone who is unprepared and soft to the point they might not recover from the attack;

7.  As you said, rape is about power, and a rapist loses his power when he can't evoke an emotional meltdown of fear.

So, do I have to fear an allegation that I'm in danger, or make that person or persons feel as insignificant as a fart that ripped through the silent air as if a thunderstorm was on it's way.  Facing an attacker usually has the effect where upon they turn around and run for protection from their parents.  Now how can I fear that?

I'll keep a watch on my surroundings, but I already do that, so my life goes on as usual, no changes, no higher alerts for safety, no crawling under a rock to hide from the big bad wolf for me.

And don't let my appearance as timid draw you in to relax that I'm easy.

Cheers for now.

Be safe and look after yourself.

Hugs and kisses

Michele

Hi there Staphanie

I am not feeling kinds of pain at the moment, and that is excellent for me.  I dealt with the doctor in the way I would do in any other way, if you transphobic, I will explain what trans is and if you still can't deal with it, and you the best in your field, I will deal with you, but also know that your treatment wouldn't be that of what you would normally do, but I also know that a medical practitioner wouldn't do anything that is wrong as long as they know that you are a stubborn and knowledgeable person in the field that they are working.  Probably counts in my favor that I know what they are talking about when I walk in a surgery or hospital.  The nursing staff and other persons in the hospital made up for the doctor, by being super nice and if they didn't know what transgender / transsexual was, I would explain and so give them training and what not to ask, even though I would answer some of the NO NO question.

I am also an emotional person, but usually vent in a different way then crying.  And I am easily annoyed when I skipped a dose or am on my PMS.

I do also think that it was experience in my field, but I've always been defensive of other people.  I remember some gangster wanting to rob my friends in school, and I took control of that situation as well by stepping into the line of fire.  I used myself as the primary defense and the sexy twins as the secondary means of defense, even though I knew that they were 5 times better at fighting then me.  But I used my what I knew as an advantage.  I also knew the one gangster and where he lived, knew that he was in the gang one of my uncles created and that he knew my family was off limits from them, but he had some new guy him that came for an initiation.  Got home and told my dad who was the oldest, and grew up in a family where the eldest is the one you should listen to, and lucky for me his siblings all feared and respected him as well as most of the gangsters.  I still have that in me, but I know that my gangsters are from different groupings and that I now am thinking of the community and not my friends or family alone.

I am thus prepared to handle any doctor or gangster to protect myself and that of the community, just because I was raised to make people understand that everybody is equal and need that respect and understanding from any person.

I am glad that the medication is done and that the poison they were pumping into my body made me so sick that I lost 6kgs (about 14Lbs) in under a week.  Would I entrust the same doctor to treat me, yes.  The only things he did that made me angry was the fact that he didn't consult the treatment with me, and that he is transphobic.  I also know that he attempted to be kinder by the time I was discharged from hospital.

Thank you for the complements on my looks, and I am thankful that my hair wasn't effected by the medication.  I am one of those girl / ladies that will get admitted to a psych ward for the loss of my hair.

Stay kind and sweet.

Michele

Hi Veronica

You might think that it's only men, but my inbox is filled with all genders.  And I truly hope I'm not that frosty, because it seems to me I'm heating up some libidos there.

Hugs

Michele

Hope your circumstances change so you can do what your heart is telling your head.

Hi there Stephanie and Briannah

Before I usually take or give advice, I would think what I would tell others to do.  I think I get some of my wisdom from being the youngest cousin on my mom's side of the family and one of the youngest from my dad's side.  And I have almost 40 years of experience to delve into with either responses I loved or loathed so much, that I vowed to follow the good and keep the bad as a reference of what not to do.  And I knew from my beginning I am transgender and that gives me different struggles, which I have to deal with as a whole or go down without ever understanding or accepting life as it is.

Cheers

Michele

Hello Christie

Sound like you had a good coming out and excited that the majority had a good reception and understanding that you are happier as the true you.  So no faking some person that makes you unhappy anymore.  Only allowing you to dress up as an alter ego on Halloween.

Enjoy the freedom of being yourself

Michele

Hi Girls / Ladies

I didn't end up in the ER, I was admitted for basically a week.  If I had to decide, I'd have said do the operation as the infection would've been removed and my body wouldn't need to fight an infection with high doses of medication that only makes me sick to the stomach (still using it) and allows me to eat less then 50% of what I can normally consume.

Ja, I'm still swollen and unable to stand or walk for long periods of times.  The infection to not being an infection should have a reading of less the 5 in my blood stream, and last week the reading was 210.7 and on the day I was discharged it dropped to 180.2 over 5 days.

So, as a smart enough kid, I hate that some smarter kids don't listen to me when I need to say something.  Then again, I've also figured out that the specialist is a good doctor but also transphobic so will look at the OR as a super very last resort as I said why I use medication.  Next time I stay quiet, wait then I won't be me and I will be willfully is leading a doctor to give a treatment I know would be one of his first choices if I didn't disclose being transgender.  But then I'm denying myself the freedom of being me.

Cheers for now

Michele

Hi Warren

Hoping for the best new for you.  Need to find a South African study to get my medical aid to consider the operation.

On the plus side, you've got a sweet innocent boyish face, and that's all good.  I'm finding the longer I'm on hormones the more men hit on me (my feminine features are getting enhanced, loving it), and for once I was uncomfortable between them while going to shoot.  Lack of females or being the only one they hit on could've been the problem.

What kind of concealed weapon are you looking at.  I prefer pistols because of the mag capacity, but would live to get myself a revolver, something in the lines of a small caliber.  But then I remember that it doesn't have the stopping power I desire, so end up thinking about a 38Sp or 357 magnum, but in snub nose (2") form.  I also hate that it when I can't control my hammer (double action is best for me, because of my lack of upper body strength).

Well, keep on being safe sir.  And enjoy the bike when you get it.  The feeling of freedom as you ride is unsurpassed, just wished I could still be riding, but medically I don't want to tempt fate and be preemptively paralyzed.  

Cheers young man.  

Michele

What a beautiful sentiment.  Just hoped I could smile my way past some of the idiots in the world.

Hugs

Michele

Try a creme before the time, it numbs the are you are going to laser, but I can't for the love of pizza I can never remember the name of ththat blooming creme

Hit here Veronica, Emma and Stephanie

I know I have all the confidence in the world that I need, it only goes into shambles a few weeks in a year, therefore I got normal persons deviations in life and mood.

It's definitely how you come back from the slump that makes you a fighter or a pessimist, and I'm to perky to be a pessimist.

Hugs

Michele

Hi there

On a level of 1 to 10, I feel pain about 3 levels lower then someone else which was around 5 levels lower before HRT.  Reason I know this is, I can tell you my migraines started but it doesn't effect me at all, and for the plain fact that I refused to go into a theater to have a biopsy in 2011 and insisted the doc go into my chest while I am sitting on the bed in the ward.  He said it was irregular but should be capable of being done, and all I did was giggle once the med's worked out.  So safest to know if you feel pain a lot for anything or if you have a high pain tolerance, then you know you can do it or not.

I was exhausted and basically just arrived from a round trip of over 1000miles which we basically rested in the car for and didn't even get to sleep after the kids were dropped, till we were home.

Enjoy the Easter Weekend.  I'm on standby this weekend and next.

Hugs and Kisses

Michele

Wait, you Wiccan to Veronica???

I knew some of the other trans persons I know are, but mostly they are Christian or Atheist (none believers).

Blessed be.

Thanks for the encouragement.  That's what's helping me in keeping the battle going.

Love and hugs

Michele

Hi Veronica

It's an honor to be compared to remarkable people, and your daughter sounds like a strong remarkable lady.  That is probably the reason why I will always fight for wat I believe and need in my life.

Being a role model is luckily not a singular persons job, and in my life is so many role models that I even look up to them or guidance when I'm stumbling and need direction.

Be safe and watch the world.

Love

Michele

Hi Emma Thank you for the compliments. For me I look like the girl next door, not that pretty girl on the hill that every man want. I'm grateful that my North Star is in my core, but when my North Star plays hide and seek I'm in tears and also appreciate that I can have that time to release all the negative energy I picked up along the way. Yes, I kick myself when I'm emotionally weakened by what life throws at me, and luckily it doesn't happen to often. Much love Michele

That looks painful.  Recover super fast.

Hugs

Michele

Hi Briannah and Veronicabeta

He is making it easy to love him and I have a commonality with him, my mom's maiden surname.  It's a challenge to say the least, but the best part is that he is still a pure child in attitude and come from a small farm setting.  Calling to say he misses me and that I shouldn't take days for myself.  Lucky for me I can tap into a playful self so that he releases energy when needed.  I'm even struck when needed, and luckily he doesn't do the thing of your not my mom so don't tell me.  And we have communal interest.

Thanks for the encouragement.

Love

Michele

Thank everyone.  I am keeping my spirits high, learning the administrative side of my work and enjoying it.  I never listen to male stigma or egotism driven people.  Point me to the fight and I'm there.  My not so new post is teaching my short comings in the form of physical strength, but this week I rained wet and threw tyres around out of frustration of different commands and inadvertently moving them into a space I wanted them.  Only one man came to help, but otherwise the girls are doing it for themselves.  Should rather say it was a good workout.  Your positive responses are inspiring to say the least.  Don't worry, in two weeks my 11th year in the police has come.  Nice one that, not green at all.

Lots of love, best wishes for Christmas and new years if I'm not online.

Hugs and smooches

Michele

Thanks Stephanie.

I know what I should and can do, but it's just sometimes that the execution is making me rethink on how I should do it.  But then I realize that I am the perfect person, to do what it takes to get the ball rolling.  I thank thee for the motivation and that I know I have a space and time to return to get what I need as a booster.

Michele

Hi there Blair

It can be overwhelming at times, but hey it's all about puberty and you are luckier then most to go through it only once.  Congratulations on your coming out at school, because I was always told I'm crazy when I tried to do that at school.  Stay motivated and grow stronger with the knowledge that you are perfectly you.

Hugs

Michele H