Michele800226

Hi there all. I have mentioned that I was applying to an internal post at work, and that it implies that I will by an acting fleet manager. On the 30 September 2015 I was officially informed that my application for the post was successful. The amazing part was, that all my competition were butch guys and little feminine old me won the race, and I didn't come second, third or any other number other then number 1. I started on 7 October 2015 at 07:30 and my first day was a blast. I enjoyed the new challenges that were thrown my way. And day one ended exhausted and going to the gym with a friend. But I enjoyed every second of it. On day two, I found new damages to a vehicle and had to write persons for damaging the vehicles. I know that you can feel and possibly strip one nut of the wheels and not the rest. So I was super pissed off when all six on the one wheel were stripped and good. Today we started out sorting the vehicles and I ended up helping to clear an office my previous commander was in and an even older commander will be occupying. I am so glad that I am getting him back that I want to see if he answers me, but I don't want to be dissed or not answered because, I don't know if he is ready for the work he will need to do. I am now done with day three and all is well, I had my targets performed for the day and I'm systematically sorting out the backlog of the previous regime, but I should also know, there was not commander in that post for about a year. So it is remarkable that I have maintained the quality of standards that I would want in a work place. Okay, what I am doing is to get all the things my boss would want, and that is my priority, but secondary function is to make certain that the vehicles on the police station are running and all in working order. I am doing this because, i need my people to take care of the vehicles and not to make me look like a fool around the guys. What made me laugh was, one of the guys I worked with saw me and made it clear that he is looking at my boobs as I am busy working on attempting to fix a flat. I laughed because I know he is harmless and if he messes with me, I will go to his wife and she will inadvertently sort him out. The thing that keeps me feeling like my shift is still loving me is... The one is telling me to never return to the shift because I decided to leave. But then our captain needed help and I told her, I don't need to help him and I can just get in my car and drive home as my time is up at work. The next thing I know is I get grabbed from behind and hugged, and they telling me how they missing me and I have only left them. Their days are quieter and no one is around to make them think on their feet, so they aren't even getting excitement. They missing me for my administrative skills, and my knowledge in the field as a functional uniform member that that knows my complaints, the books, how to deal with a complaint, take statements, certifications, and overall to deal with prisoners and the community on a whole. They missing me as it is feeling like the ship is sinking and the one that always had control of the pumps to ensure that the ship never flooded or even took up any water, has gone. Yes I am proud of myself for getting the post above all, the men that were just as capable as me in vehicle knowledge. The only thing they beat me in was that I don't have a truck license and don't intend to get one. I like and prefer to be driving only cars. Would I change my decision now that I have had a little taste of what is to come. I don't think so. I am enjoying myself to much and I don't think I would change it for the world. So my career is taking off and my love life too. Good for me. . Cheers for now people. I'm out. I am falling asleep in front of the computer. Night from #TransIsBeautiful #FemaleStrength #LovingYourself Michele

That is good advice, and that is why I started using my script not at the end of the month when I go for my script, but a bit more then a week into the new month, so even if they don't have my whole order, they are maybe the half of the medication and I can go fetch it on another day. And I have been struggling with my Spirolactin for the last few months, and also had to return between week 2 and 3 for my remainder. Lots of love Michele

Thank you for the best wishes and inspiration Stephanie. It only lasted a bit more then a day, and I lost 3kgs, roughly 7Lbs over that time frame. I gained most of the weight back, so I am happy, but now spring is here is sinus problems of running noses. I hate seasonal changes. Best of luck with your relationship or the nullifying of it. Which makes you happiest, you should remember is the answer you were waiting on.

XOXOXOXOXXO Michele

Seeing that I have the time on my hands let make this one clear. For 5 days out of the month, I am on a lower dosage of estrogen, and it kinda makes me cranky as hell. Reason being is that I have decided to go the medically induced period cycle, and I know it is motha of all hell pain cramps, because I've always had these cramps from my 9th birthday. Some months it's good and I'm just cranky as hell. Other months it is so bad, I cramp and start crying from the pain. But I know it is now in tune with my body cycle and I will just have to deal with the cramps, being pissy to people, crying for no apparent reason, and being needy over those days. Oooh don't let me go into the don't touch me mode. Then not even Thor with all his strength will be immortal, as I will crush his spirit into a painful mere mortal death. What does this mean for me as in a whole with a relationship??? Okay, it's the first time we together and this cycle has come, so I warned him of the possible side effects. Yes, FX is on. What I believe and what Jazz's mom tells her in I am Jazz is right. Be honest about who you are, because there are evil people out there. And her parent's are constantly worrying about her ever finding love with a guy or girl that respects her. I also hope that she gets what she needs in life, and I hope that for me too. Would it have been easier if I was medically inducing my periods from a young age like Jazz, maybe. But on the other side, I would not have known that people can be so cruel because they don't understand the changes we as transgender persons have to endure just to feel whole. But I also hope that the earlier changes for the young teenagers are going to put them on a more level playing ground with the rest of the world. My cramps and my pms, on the other end of the scale is unique. As I don't think many transgender females naturally produced so much estrogen like I did which put me on an advantage to feel body changes on the inside that others had to wait to experience... Okay I struggled to grow breast, am still on only an A cup and at least the cups are the fuller A's then the partial A's they were. But I also knew that I would end up here. Because my family has breast sizes ranging from A cup to FFF Cups. The ones with the big breast are also the idiots in my family. I stood in the line for more smarts then a voluptuous body. No I am not saying that big breast and blonds are idiots by nature, only the big breasted women in my family are idiots. And they think that sex sells and men will do anything just because of some breast and giving them the cookie jar. I love that I can still creatively thing of names for things that would just sound to crude at any given moment. Okay, the last thing about me being on the period cycle of hormones are, I want my body to simulate a natural female body with hormones and in doing so assist with the development I am going through. And it has made a big difference from the 18 months of straight hormone high to period cycle. I have developed more, and it has kept my migraines more at bay. To all have a good day. Be safe, and think before you do. I have discussed this before I did it. Cheers for now Michele with love

Thanks gals. But I'm sitting with cramps. Why did my medically induced periods have to be from today, when gastro strikes too. So a double whammy and both is causing me cramps. And he is trying to comfort me although I told him not to be around me for the next few days. XOXOXOXO Michele

Hi there all I know I haven't been on in the resent weeks and I am to blame. Well you'll see what is to blame as I continue this entry.... So, I have been chatting to this guy and thought that he is cool and everything. Till the awkward part came of him asking me to meet him. We continued our cheerful banter and I didn't let that phase me. As luck would have it, I was busy chatting to a girlfriend about my gender and she being understanding and him at the same time. Yes, I did the blooper. A message of how to explain gender, which was meant for her ended up going to him and he replies by asking if I am serious that I am transgender. When I confirmed what I by mistake told him, as I had a softer approach planned for him on the same evening. He shocked me with his answer, "Well does this change you? Because if you can show me how this changes your personality and everything about you that I like. I will except that it wasn't meant to be to meet you." We continued chatting and he didn't become abrasive or mean towards me in the weeks that followed, just more understanding and still sending me my kisses and hugs over the messaging system that we use. He asked if we could meet. Just before we met, I was thinking is this a good idea. What if he just played me and wanted to assault or kill. Or what if he lied about how he looked. This and a million other question ran through my head. ETA to meet, crap is here. Not even me approach him, but he approaches me and gives me the hugs that I said he owed and which he said I owed him. Looked him up and down and saw that he actually looks like the person that he said he is. The conversation continues and he sounds like the person I was chatting to. Okay, I never heard his voice and language that he used just sounded like him. Yes, he also looked me up and down. And he looks at me funny, "I'm not what you expected was I. Did I lie to you. But damn girl you are even sexier in real life that what your pictures made you out to be." I had to convince him that it was only that he didn't lie to me that was making me awe struck by him and that he is actually just refreshing to chat too. We spent that evening together and chatted the whole night. He leaned in and I was all, what the hell in my head to allowing my body to play along. He kissed me full on mouth and..... Yes, I liked it. I really like the kiss I received from him. Before the sun even came out a question was posed to me, "Would you be my girlfriend?" I looked like I could probably faint and he just looked at me and said something like, am I that ugly, and can you only see us as friends or more. As he turned his head away, I pulled him closer and kiss him. All I could say was, YES!!! He looked at me as if to say, you just saying so not to hurt me. I kissed him again to show that our kisses are passionate and that I actually meant what I said. Hey, we were getting to know each other over multimedia and it turned out to be the same persons. Just me talking slightly less, okay more like 50% of the time I spoke and speak on multimedia. I explained that this is for him to actually get in some words before I take over my part of talking in real life too. So far, he has introduced me to one of his grandmother's, uncle, and aunts of his father's side. Yes, nieces and cousins were home too. He even left me alone with his gran to see how we would communicate. Ooooh he got, it after that, because he didn't even prepare me that he was doing this. What I thought of him asking me was. It will be a week or so of dating according to him and then just leave me to my own defenses again. Not introduce me to his family as I am now a fixture in his life. Shocker, I would say. What he made clear was that he is stubborn and I would have to be submissive to him. What I made clear is, I am also stubborn and me being submissive will never work for me. So we should decide on which topics I am going to win and on which topics he is going to win. I know his favorite foods, colors and why he is into red and black. International soccer team is Manchester United, and international rugby team is All Blacks. His local rugby team for sevens as he said are the Crusaders. Don't ask me about sports as I told him, because I am only going to be watching the asses that are running past me on the field and nothing else. I was also told that I will watch sports with him. I told him, only if I get something out of the deal. He said that I got him and I should appreciate the man that decided I am the only one for him. Well let me see. I man that is almost 10 years younger, and lucky for him I'm born early in the year and he late in the year, because if he refused to be born in December, he would've been 10 years younger. He also says, I should be so paranoid about me being 9 years older then him. If the age bothered him, he would've not asked me to be his girlfriend. In this weeks he has made me realize that he is making me accept the world more. And that me being older is nothing, because I wouldn't even have thought of it if he was 9 years older then me. He is making me also see that I am the only person that make him happy. Funny enough, he gave me the password on his cellphone and I said, but it's not my place to scratch on his phone just as it isn't his place to scratch on mine. But still everything that I he most probably would've wanted to see if he was possessive over me, I showed him and he showed me. The one thing I don't tell him, is that I sometimes have altercations with suspects and as a female (and a person with no testosterone in my body) I find it difficult to fight men and not get injured. But I'm digressing. I am currently happy in a relationship. Yours sparkling Michele

Let met get it clear from the start, my friend is pregnant with twins (boy and girl) and Baby Dady is taking up my time again... Since she and this guy have been dating she didn't tell me it's serious and therefore I never met him. Then all of a sudden he is a permanent ficture and messing up our talking crap, dinner dates, movies nights, sleep overs, and baby shopping time. Okay, doesn't men know or realize that girls need to hang and not be bothered at times. And doesn't he realize they going to have a lot of sleepless nights coming after November??? He has already asked a friend of his to be godparent and now she must still decide on who the lucky or unlucky person is. I'm already calling the girl my baby that kicks ass, and the boy the softer one. But they both apparently kicking and punching mommy left to right and also head budding her bladder. How I wish I could go through that. But would I want to be involved in a relationship or take it as a singleton. It's hard enough to be in a relationship to juggle both. So actually this isn't about me always wanting to have a child and carry it full term. It's more that Alistair is taking up so much time that I can't see my friend, which I am missing like crazy. The same friend that freaked when I said I need a new GP and Endo! Who made herself vocally heard in her distrust in South African surgeons, and not wanting me to go here for anything remotely close to major surgery in SRS. The same friend when I started HRT said, bloody finally you started, but are you certain you trust your doctors. Don't you want someone else to handle your hormones. The first person to know how much the hormones cost, as she went with a few times. The most annoying one when it comes to someone wanting me to date a man. She kinda knows most of the fixed requirements and she has been occupied so much she doesn't know the picture kinda changed in the mean time, after making out with a friend who is considerably shorter then me. Yes I call anything under 1.7m short, that I'm 1.74m (5'8&1/4), he is like 5'5. NO THIS ISNT MEANING ANYTHING LIKE THAT I'M DATING THIS GUY! WE FRIENDS AND WE HAVE A SEXUAL ATTRACTION, BUT WE ALSO DONT WANT TO LOSE OUR FRIENDSHIP WHICH IS GOING TO HAPPEN NEVERMIND WHAT WE SAY, IF WE VENTURE INTO THAT TERRITORY. So kinda shorter has joined my criteria, but also only if there is respect, attraction and a whole lot of va va boom. Wonder when I'll be seeing my friend, and when I'll get to see our little one's. Funny, I started moaning about not seeing her, but realized how much we share, unless we know that it can be sort of flaunting and to much of a visual expression for the other to deal with. We stay quiet, even though visually we can deal with corpses and being shot on at work. Lol All I can reiterate is, I miss my blooming friend. This guy is making our relationship unreliable as she is now never there for me! Bloody penis that impregnated her!!!

Hi Brigsby Its unfair for your family to expect that you must accept what they throw at you, but not allowing you to just be who you want to be. I have uncles and aunts I cut off completely, because they were toxic. One tried to re-initiate us talking a few years back and my college had to ask them to leave because I said the evil ghost has entered the office I was working in and I font speak to the dead. Told him how we had a fight and I got written off and I it answered, "Fine, but never talk to me again as you are dead to me too." With my siblings I only talk to my oldest sister as she was the only one that accepted me from a young age and even back then offered to pay for the surgery, which I refused and said I'll do it on my own. I'm talking about 31 years back. I frequently go to my brother's place (not the one who past away in 2005, but the middle child), not to see him but my niece as I can't make him change his mind. Funny enough is in laws accepts the change and actually encourage me to stay true to myself. But my sister slightly older then me, I physically speak to about 10 minutes out of the year as she and her husband are both dictators that decided I should listen to them as I am selfish to want to be happy. My mom acts supportive, but she isn't, and it's fine. I'm not relying on there support as I never needed their strength to continue on in my life. What I can say is. Make yourself happy, as it will reflect in how others see you. And maybe they come around if not. At the very least you'll get a, do what pleases you, but don't expect me to make life easy for what was left for you by your father (mine past away in 1999). So, your ID changes are your problem to prove who you are. If you like me, you'll take every blow as it comes and hopefully no one brings you down. You are strong enough to cope with life. You have a support system. Strong's Michele

Hi Karen Once defender of rifgts , you'll always be fine. Good outlook in life, and I always remembered that I said I'm doing this as soon as I find the right medical practitioners I feel I can trust and follow my heart. Definitely interesting to see peoples reactions after realizing I'm doing what I said I would. Keep strong and happy. Support your dreams, aspirations and that of loyalty. Hugs Michele

What happened at a course. Yes, I sometimes do sound like my 2nd language is my 1st, and my mother tongue like I'm a fumbling fool, which is Afrikaans. VID_20150911_142337_3gp.0473bc1a5be6f027f880473e4184319d

Today is a take me as I am day. VID_20150911_140548.3gp

The skin color in my family isn't an issue, but I sometimes fear my mother's response which comes over very harsh at times. Heaven help a 72 year old woman.

Everyone will ask why you asking about chocolates, right. Actually wrong. I've never been bound by race or religion, when it came and still comes to men intriguing me. But I've always had a thing for someone taller and bigger body structured then my 1.74m (5ft8) structure and around 140Lbs. The top criterion above all else, is he needs to have respect, love and adoration for me. Okay, I grew up in a time when interracial relationships were a no no, but I am grateful my dad crossed all boundaries of interracial friendships. Say something inappropriate in front of me, and I'll put you on your place. That's probably why, all I need a man to be, is himself and respectful towards others. If I like you, it's because of qualities you have, and loving you means our qualities are strengthened by our relationship with each other and I wNt to around you every second I can, with me time for friends. So leave me alone if the guy I choose is darker then me, because he might have been lighter, then you'd be worried over me dating him.

Made a date to massage a friend. Well that was easy as I owed him, and all the latest people I have met, I haven't as yet disclosed to that I'm trans and pre op. His options were as I gave were: Deep muscle massage; Normal massage; or Uhm massage. Without him knowing the uhm is a kinky massage, he chose it as a super deep muscle massage where he would moan, and were we moaning. Got to his place. He is a little bit shorter then me, and I like him. Got my hug, and my usual spot was taken by work waiting to be reviewed by him. So I sat next to him. My hair ended up a mess as I rested my head on his stomach. Got a sort of strip dance and I liked the none muscular body he has. He is a runner. I mentioned that we should probably proceed with the massage, and up the stairs to the best spot, his bedroom. Here is where it gets interesting. I gave him a deep muscle massage with me fully clothed and him covered with underwear only... I got him to moan and his uhm, umtondos (Xhosa word for penis) show'd signs of enjoyment. I just continued with the massage, until I was grabbed and kissed. Knees were weakened and my resistance were failing after my top and bra were removed. He voiced concerns of me being oiled in the process. Now somewhere in between the massage and making out I didn't want him to stop, but I couldn't work out even how to allow my brain and mouth to have the discussion, making me flustered as hell and I was later informed possibly intimidated by a friend whom knows both of us for over a decade each. But the two of us only met in the year and we never had this discussion, just had wonderful conversations. With me struggling to talk about my gender, a first for me. I couldn't stop the make out session, not that I wanted it to stop or his hands all over my body, we had to remind us that he needs to sleep and me in his bed, will cause both of us not to sleep. Why did I start something I don't want to stop? And I end off with a question posed to my friend. How the hell do I have this discussion, about the metamorphosis of my body, seeing that I'm still in the cocoon? All I know is, this will have to be discussed as I might have entangled myself in his snare. And he is a yummy snare I can see myself involved with.

Monica I get all the support from friends. But ask some of them, they'll say we family. CIS African males, none the less. I'm just the quirky sister with a lighter skin. I've got a limited amount of TLGB family AMD the support is overwhelming at times, but we manage to survive. I've got a friend that wants to marry me off to her brother. You'll enjoy the next entry I'm going to post now, Massage gone flustered

Got asked about documentation my mom couldn't find, so I handed her what I stored away in the safe. After finding the documents, I reiterated that it might be difficult to do what she wants as my gender marker and first name are being changed slightly. And all I got was, it's your life and your problem when I'm dead. I've always known my support came from my father, so with the lack of support from the one we call Hammie (what my siblings and I call our mother). But I also know, that out of guilt I am mentioned in a will I want nothing to do with. I also know as the last born, my responsibilities to listen to my immediate elders input, I should listen and react as desired, but as with all families you need to walk your own path towards your happiness and fulfillment. In this short piece I'm just trying to say, don't let negative or cold shoulders or emotionally detached family dictate what makes you happy and whole. If you do follow what they want of you or let their attitudes dictate you feeling depressed because they seem like the only people in your life that should care for you. DONT LET YOUR FAMILY FORCE YOU INTO SOMETHING THAT IS MAKING YOU UNHAPPY, AS THEY ARE SUPPOSED TO BE THE CORNER STONES IN YOUR LIFE THAT SUPPORTS YOU IN ALL PARTS OF YOUR LIFE. And if you have that support, be grateful, you were granted a support structure you can call at any time. Much love... Michele

I'm a traditionalist to the point where I am feminine, but I'm modern as in independent, strong will and minded, not physically all that strong but determined to succeed, pants wearing, automotive and weapons loving, hand to hand girl. So not a typical girl, just a fun loving and emotional girl.

Why tears. Well I've always been an emotionally strong woman. Yes, strong as in vocalizing what I think and how I do thigs, as well as not needing a Knight to save me I can save him too... I'm a fighter after all. Well in the last month I've been disciplined for not informing my commander about a lone child on street late at night! I asked if that wasn't part and parcel of my work to serve and protect, and if so. Give me a written instruction stating I should leave a defenseless five year olds on the street at 22:00 or anytime when I find a small child unsupervised. Disciplinary actions immediately stopped as no commander wants to be held responsible as the person who instructed members under them to disregard the safety of their community let alone that of children. But yes, that was in an emotional state of, I love children and no one is going to stop me when it comes to the future grown ups, because without them who are going to ensure our safety. Now for my tears... I got angered by family and friends, and my realization has come that only persons I have allocated a space in my heart can bring me to tears. So some apparent reason this has always eluded me. I'm hard, but soft to the touch, easy to look at and a major pain in the butt if need to bring my point over. I've also found that children and animals are a sore point for me when mistreated. Even though I despised my moms dog for wanting to kill my Labrador and almost succeeding and biting me before I went into fighting mode. But that was self preservation on my part, I couldn't bring myself to say I'll miss him as he was euthanized, but started sobbing over Mike the Labrador who passed on years ago. Does this make me emotionally stinted, as I can't comfort someone close to me in grieving. I know I can blame my brother who didn't even allow me to grieve after my father's passing, which ended with my foot in a demanding priests face, as he tried to take something from me. But silent tears still flowed when the missing gets to much. Tears flowing when I'm angry is even worse because that means I want to punch someone., but those also only flows if I care about the person, but I don't want to see or hear from them till I'm ready for that person. The one most of us hate would be tears that makes us revert to wanting to bobe alone. At that time to many emotions are attacking me just want to be alone. Today's was that I wanted to release some anger I'm feeling towards a friend for calling me dumb when I couldnt find a him or the place we were going to. GPS didn't work either, nor the number of the place. Well I'm done with bitching for a bit, let me get ready for Eid as I have Muslim family and friends. Eid Mubarak to all, and have a blessed and heart felt day. Michele is out......

Monica I can't agree more. We all are spiritually growing with the beliefs, knowledge and social acceptance. But we still get those stinted minds that refuse change and only grows hatred. My school life was filled with questions from others and dictatorship, not that I allowed people to rain on my parade, throughout my primary and high school life. I do understand American terminology even though I live in South Africa. Michele

Generally Speaking No matter if you CIS, Trans, Gay, Lesbian, Bi, Queer. All of us went through the phase of exploration. Be it to discover your gender or sexuality or which careers we wanted to follow, because you don't look, behave or think like everyone else you talk to. Sometimes, not even your parents have an answer for you, make that most of the times. And when you finally got an answer from somewhere, it takes us all different timeframes to accept or initiate the change we so desired from a young age, but we just didn't understand. NOW WE HAVE ME, A TOTAL 180 DEGREES FROM MOST PERSONS I knew who and what I was, even if I didn't have a name for it as a child. If you looked at the major age gap between my father and I, but I can definitely say 54 years age difference wasn't big at all. We understood each other, although at times some of the questions asked were formulated for a different era. I wasn't judged or ridiculed by him. He rather taught me, a human being never mind being female or male should be capable of respecting each other and being respected by others, and his children should be capable of taking care of themselves as we should be independent. But not afraid to ask for assistance when we don't know. And that's why we have each other. We perfectly paired off as sibling, each with their own strengths and weaknesses in our individual groups, or unified. So as a child of four years old, I already had the discussion of me having the big surgery to align my body with my brains and feelings. Yes I was advanced in certain areas and others I just refused to act my age. I remember wishing and praying that I would be changed before I go to school or become a grown up. I remember begging to be changed before high school. But nothing happened, where my dad was my rock, my mom always seemed to be blocking my every move, she is more reluctant to understand, but she is 17 years younger then my dad. And if it was due to pain, it's mine not hers and I have decided to pursue my happiness not someone else's. Not like I've ever asked her permission to be myself. Because I knew whatever would happen to me, my mother would tell me it's because I'm refusing to abide by her rulesrules and that of society. Screw that, I was taught to live my life for me as long as I have respect, but never bow down or out. That's why I've always been closest with my father and oldest sister. I think he understood because of his Native American heritage. My dad would defend me by saying that I knew a lot more then other children, that I'm not confused or indoctrinated, and that a child can't want the same thing for decades and be confused. My goals were kept from me the day my father left his corporeal being for the spiritual world to watch over us. Yes, I do believe in different plains of existence. But I re-iniated when I was old enough, softening the blow of my completeness. I've always been allowed to be myself, free from the binding of normal life. Free to explore if my heart so desires. Free to be the women I have always been. I've almost been a closet case, but my teachings and integrity which my dad taught me was important to me always came out. Now, I hear the question coming from all corners. If he lived, why didn't he allow the change early? Well, answer is easy, his five foot tall wife was the one that always stood in the way of my happiness to change. Another question looming, must be... If she was the one to prolong everything in your life, do you love her as your mother? Obviously yes, but because of her and some of my siblings, I grew colder at times. None responsive and well primarily more of a loner, knowing that I don't need anyone to be happy, but I would still love to have a child. But I fear the irreparable damage some parent have on their children, and would I be that closed minded as my mother. She knows, but do I care about approval, not in a million years. I have always been loved for being me, the girl I am inside and presenting to the world. Would I change for anyone, YOU MUST BE CRAZY NOW!!! Now who know me better then me.

Have I ever said I'm one of the numbskulls that don't understand flirting when it's directed at me... WELL I AM THE WORST KIND IN HISTORY. Let me start by saying this wasn't my intentions. Okay, I thing I had a massive undertone of want you. But I ever said it directly or even partially or remotely in person... Am I even remotely upset that he found out. Not in the least' so wanted im to be single and focussed on me, oh well NOT YET. I am kinda disappointed in the fact that I didn't hide all that well. Maybe this is the year that I'm fedup with being single, that I cofidently approached him. So, don't shoot the heart that was looking at a desireable ora. Can I actually ad to this, uhm yes. I'm being hunted by some men I don't take as worthy of me. LOL' now the quality isn't available.

Even people. Clearly this is a clothes issue. Yes, 137Lbs almost 138Lbs have a problem with certain clothes. Not a problem buying. No women can't tell me how a shop or card works. Todays issue is getting in my clothes. As I previously informed you, I was on a physical course and seemed like I lost weight. Not the case. Weird right. Today, I grab a jeans, 32inches, and the bugger didnt want to go over my bum. My lady humps were in the way of my jeans. I pulled harder, and what I only saw on TV of a woman jumping and bouncing around as she struggled to get that small ass into what obviously is a size to small pants. Was me this morning. Funny part is that same pants had breathing space two weeks back. Why the hell the elves tailor my clothes and forgot to take it out last night so I could get in again. Do you want to know a secret... After HRT started, my body has grown in weight and circumference too. I've always had an ass, and only people that put their hands on me realized my butt was bigger then what my clothes allowed them to see. My ass are illusionist. So as my breast grow, my ass proportionally grows. My middle has gained and lost inches, and always returns to what I originally started off with. I do have a 34 jeans in my cupboard, make that 3, so I'm prepared for my bums growth, but I'll never get use to bouncing to get my pants on. Reason being, what if I sleep out, and my partners younger brother or sister or mother walks in. Okay, their father would be gawking at my tits, but a quick get away won't be possible as I can't even get it up, my pants you filthy minded man (give me a call we think alike). So my qualms aren't about the exercise to get in, but the awkwardness it might give me. I know I've got a sexy body, but do I want the whole world, or the world of the one I like and fell for to see my body too? I don't think so... As apparently was proven to me tonight at a friends again. They walk around as if it's nothing when they come from the bathroom. Oh freaken hell no. My naked body is only to be viewed by the one I love in that way and loves me that way back. Old fashioned, but hey its me. Okay and occasionally my doctor when examining me, but in that instance my lover is allowed with inside. Hard to believe I can't do this exhibitionist thing, even with me showing my structure of my body in pictures. Cheers from South Africa.

I went for a Tactical Survival Techniques course last week. Before going I was warned that a specific instructor would be harder on me because I'm from his previous station and had harsh words with him. Yes, I had harsh words with him, but I helped him with things he couldn't do, so would he truly be a dick to me. And the answer is kinda. Kinda, because he made me take the biggest tyre and run with it. My first request was a smaller tyre, he said no and I'd understand later why he said so. I almost cried because of the pain and the uncomfortability of where the tyre was hanging from on my shoulder. I am reminding you that I'm only 62kgs (136.7Lbs) at the end of the course. I started off on 60kgs (132.3Lbs), and 5ft8. And yes it looked like I lost weight. It was me and another flower between 12 thorns. The thorns were protective of us. Would I survive these guys I thought. I did, and most were massive blokes close to 100kgs (220Lbs). Okay, the first day I didnt utilize the bathrooms as I usually avoid bathrooms altogether. But on the second day we needed to change. The other rose I told, I don't use male bathrooms as I'm not male, and she was understanding. After that, I started finding more and more women in the bathroom when I went to change. The guys that normally have a problem, was so glad probably that I wasn't sharing their space that they just stayed quiet as the women already spoke and declared me part of their clan. Multiple courses were run at the same time. On the second day when I couldn't handle my tyre no more, two guys unknown to me still at that time were very supportive and encouraging and within my age group. (I made it my point to find out who the oldest was and where I fitted in as my body just doesn't function as usual on a course. The second oldest and the longest service of all the course goers in my group.) On the third day I became vocal about my phobias as we had to climb on the rooftop and come down like a spider. Do I look like a spider, I dont think so. The safety drills and procedures were fed and repeated into my brains and aching muscles, even me utilizing a firearm with my right hand. Uncomfortable to draw here people, I use my left hand. (Subsequently got interrogated as to why I only write with my right hand at work. I am ambidextrous, but too keep coherency I use it like that at work.) Well, I passed the theoretical section. And when it came to the physical section, I was inadvertently the leader. All because of my BIG MOUTH. My team performed remarkable, and we covered each others asses. Now, what impressed me most was. Whenever someone referred to me in a masculine way, they would correct themselves or that person, and refer to me in a feminine way. They even wanted to learn, which showed that they are attempting to understand because of me. Well, the whole group passed the course. Never mind that it was tough, grenades and an assault rifle going off as we had to learn and perform our duties. Yes the grenades were thrown between us and we had to be super vigilant. Does this make me a better performer outside in a dangerous scenario. Oh yes, and I can't wait for the 3week course. I'm not sleeping by the guys, as I already use female spaces only. Male spaces are to be naughty and frisky. Enough rambling, this course was painful yet exciting. I sustained bruises that looked like I was on the receiving side of an assault. Would this girl do or go through pain like this again. Obviously yes.